Gazing at me with those big beautiful blue eyes. One hand entangled in my hair, the other grasping the chain around my neck. This little boy was not going to let go. I had no intentions of leaving him alone. We have a connection baby and I. I take care of what he needs, and he just loves me. He misses his momma. I'm the closest he's got, and he's clinging to me. 'Baby' has stolen my whole heart. It's been just the 2 of us for the past 6 nights. Our family doesn't return home until Monday. Althea (My mom's mother...) has been watching the 2 little girls (Miranda-9, Emma-6) and baby during the day while I manage the Shoe Repair. He sleeps in my arms every night. He won't settle down with anyone else. The moment I walk in the door he wriggles, squirms, and cries until I take him up and hold him close. I find myself lost in those big expressive eyes of his, waiting for his smiles, and the sweet baby noises. I spend my mornings with him, and look forward to my evenings. This lovely boy hasn't had colic at all. He simply coos, and chatters at me while we play classical music in the background and get him all ready for bed. He loves curling up with the baby blue fleece blanket I have in my room. He sleeps with one hand holding onto my shirt, and the other holding the blue blanket to his face. He got to talk to momma yesterday when she called from the port. Anytime he'd hear her voice he'd start bubbling over with noises. Telling her all about his adventures. His face was so animated, his eyes all lit up. He knew her voice. When the phone line when quiet he rested his head on my shoulder and pressed his little face into my neck. He whimpered when I left for work, and woke up the instant he heard my voice when I walked in the door that evening. Last night my poor baby wouldn't settle for anything less than laying with his head over my heart, one hand tangled in my hair, he'd twisted his tiny fingers in the silver chain around my neck. I pulled the blue fleece blanket up around us and we curled up together in my already warm bed. (Thank the Lord for my heated mattress!) At about 3am I gave up trying to lay him on his side, right next to me. I gave in and just let him sleep with his head over my heart. This morning I couldn't get him to settle down for the life of me. I had to be with him, or at the very least within eye sight. He would not have it any other way. He sat and watched while I got ready for the day. Chattered and smiled while I got him bathed and dressed. He was calm and happy until the time came for me to leave him with Althea. That baby was not happy with me. The disappointment and abandonment rang clear in his baby eyes, and dang it his tear ducts have started to produce tears. My heart broke. I felt like a horrible person for leaving him. No parents until Monday night. I'm all he's got until they come home, and here I was abandoning him again. How I am going to manage it when I have my own children, if I have a hard time leaving my brother I'll never know. I've gotten used to him sleeping with me all night. I don't know what I'm going to do when it goes back to our normal routine of him coming into my room at 5am while our mom gets ready, and leaves for work.
P.S. On a lighter note, tomorrow it's out with the blue panels, and back with the red... only we're doing a vr instead of an rv this time... (violet/red vs red/violet.)
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