Somewhere Over The Rainbow...

I know, I know... I post this everywhere, but I love the last line ever so much!

I'm left tired, no more strength to hope anymore, no reason to hold on, and my faith is leaving with each grain of sand falling down the hourglass... I'm still living day to day, I find faith and hope in the wind, but as such it blows by my being, caressing my hair and face, then leaving me limp with naught but a memory, and my imagination to relive the moment... I've said goodbye to the one that used to help hold me up when times got tough with you... he's gone on to serve the Lord... and you're just a disappointment... It's been a beautiful start to a glorious week with Hell carved in everyday. God tries to brighten the dark moments with his tender mercies, and though we laugh and play each day away we are left with singe marks on our faces and a scent that scorches the soul... as depressed as I sound, and as tired as I am I know that all of this is meant to make us stronger. I know I will learn, but will you? Our gift of discernment is blocked from us, and you keep taking mine. For you, I've given you reason to say goodbye; but you've graced me with forgiveness. I called you names and you dropped from a plane. We sat and cried, then rejoiced as we thought our trial was over... It's never over friend, our trials and struggles are sent because we prayed for them. We ask for strength and we are given a reason to be strong, we pray for patience and we are dragged to our very limits, we beg for mercy and forgiveness to find someone lied to us. It's funny as the you and I multiply, one person, then two, the times and the trials find ways to divide faster than we do. I betrayed the trust of one to be betrayed by two. I stood by two to be forgotten by four. You blessed me with a smile, and I threw it in the face of three. The names don't matter, the days fade away, what we are left with are the marks of our travels, and the wind blown leaves in our hair... I'll stand for another day, I'll fight the exhaustion, simply because I love you... and maybe when the rain comes we'll meet in peace over the rainbow and enjoy the skittles that now come in all colors...

You and You Alone...

Okay, so... guess who has boy drama!? Ooo, since when do I not is the question. Stanley is looking for arguments, and stupid as they are... he keeps them coming. I've decided to stand my ground on this one. He made the mess, and it's his turn to clean it up. I'm not sweeping my hurt feelings under the rug this time! Cory is home, and I'm still bothered by it. I am hoping it will pass once he leaves for BYU and I won't accidentally run into him anymore. I've got people coming back to Utah to visit this summer, and some of them I would really rather not see... but I'm having a hard time finding excuses to turn them down. I've got 2 boys (friends of each other) that have both asked me out for the same day, and haven't told the other... I'm not liking this whole situation...

I've finally started walking at night again, and magically words just come... so, this is a really hard copy, but I have to write it down somewhere and I don't have a pen anywhere near me... Please stand by for the edited version, but for now this is what you get!

I fell in love with a boy
Gentle and Kind with a tender glance
Always present, with his hand in mine,
a first love, a pure love, and it was mine

Time goes by, mistakes are made
Our love faded and changed into new love
but that gentle boy went away
Replaced by a life harden, yet always caring friend
Always this new love of mine still stands by my side

There are days we pass as strangers
With busy lives, and too little time
We sometimes forget how we started
But in timeless moments once in a while
the gentle boy still chances (glances?) through
and I can't help but smile back
In remembrance of that time gone past...

Different...

Someone once explained me to me perfectly...

"You're an artist, you feel things differently from other people... You're an artist, you see things differently from other people... You're an artist, you say things differently from other people... You are an artist... you are different from other people."

Everyone is different, we all have our unique little quirks and it just takes stopping to understand how someone is to understand them... usually... Some days not even my best friend understands what I am saying. I had the hardest time understanding, and accepting it when people would tell me I didn't say things like normal people do. It felt like a harsh criticism when they would tell me I didn't think or see things like most people. Being told continually that you aren't normal takes a definite toll on one's pride, and self-esteem eventually. Given the years I've accepted who I am, and learned to love the way I am, and how I am... but there are days when you question, and when it just become such a frustration being so different, and being reminded at the most infuriating times that you are so different from other people. Take for example the repentence process. I had a friend that completed the repentence process, and fulfilled the necessary requirements beyond anyones expectations. They sent in a request for a church activity and recieved a negative response because of the original mistake... That didn't make any sense to me. My friend had repented, and was forgiven... therfore it was as if the mistake had never been made in the eyes of the Lord, so who were we to hold that against their record!? That seemed to me a double standard, or a hypocrisy of you will. It took me a while to understand that though everyone involved knew that mistake wouldn't be made again, the elders in charge weren't aware of that and had no way to prove it. We are human and that is our saving grace, but as such error often... I just had to accept it because my 'God-like' perception to quote my bishop; while it is correct... it isn't the way most people think. Among all of my adventures so far this summer I have enjoyed a lot of silence, and me time. When you're lying in the dead of night, surrounded by nothing, hearing nothing... it's beautiful because you feel everything. In those moments where it felt as if time had just stopped I re-lived my entire childhood, my teen years, and my while short... but still there... adult life. Some of my most favorite memories where played like a favorite disney tape; but I was also able to remember things I had forgotten. I thought about everything, asked all the why and what-if questions. I disected myself, my thought process, and the way I do things... and I realized once again, I am an artist... and as an artist, I feel things differently from other people. As an artist I see things differently from other people, and as an artist I say things differently from other people... I am an artist, and I am different from most people...

Tagged...

4 Things I was doing 10 years ago

1) Playing soccer
2) I lived in my backyard during the summers as a kid
3) Reading
4) Playing with Lauren

4 Things I was doing 5 years ago

1) Hanging out with Marisa
2) Dancing
3) Learning several instruments
4) Soccer

4 Things I did yesterday

1)Snuck into Lagoon and helped Jo manage her area
2)Drove 108 miles
3)Walked with Wes
4)Belted Michael Buble' with Leesa

4 Shows I Like
1) One Tree Hill
2) Ace of Cakes
3) House
4) Gilmore Girls

4 biggest joys at the moment
1) Life
2) Amazing friends
3) night-time walks with the best friend
4) WARM WEATHER

4 Things you may not know about me
1) I love silence... it is golden afterall
2) I'd rather sit in a tree and read a book most days
3) I can ride a unicycle
4) I had a dream about a each tornado before they actually hit Utah.

I tag Ris, Jo, Lees, and Amy