Gearing Up For The Blues.

As I am in my last days of being pregnant (The eviction notice has been given. This baby has until Tuesday morning to come on her own.) I am trying to gear up for the Post Pregnancy Blues that hit every woman after becoming a new mother. I've seen my own mother deal with Postpartum, and with her two most difficult pregnancies I watched her hit a severe downward spiral. I don't want to experience that, and I definitely don't want to put Aaron or our marriage through that. SO! I have been doing research on the After Baby Blues, and how to handle it. I've asked the mom's I know how they dealt with it, how their husbands dealt with it, and what I can do to prepare for it.

Now I am asking the blogging world, how did you deal with postpartum, and what do you suggest?

Bear Creek...

This is a post I would normally post on my music blog... but I love Brandi enough to put her on the blog with the higher following. :) Please enjoy!!









Super excited for Studio album #4 -- Coming June 5th.

Here is the track list:
1 - Hard Way Home
2 - Raise Hell
3 - Save Part Of Yourself
4 - That Wasn't Me
5 - Keep Your Heart Young
6 - 100
7 - A Promise To Keep
8 - I'll Still Be There
9 - What Did I Ever Come Here For
10 - Heart's Content
11 - Rise Again
12 - In The Morrow
13 - Just Kids

--I will always love me some Brandi Carlile!!

Have You Seen This?

This adorable couple has been married for 62 years, and are still very much in love. They are so cute to watch!



And here is their encore performance! There are 7 videos, but all are worth a watch!








They were interviewed after their video went viral on youtube. Here is the interview!

Writers Block...

There I was: sitting in a hard chair facing my computer with a new page on the screen and that damned curser blinking at me. I had the opening paragraph all mapped out in my head before I sat down. It's the reason I sat down in the first place. I typed the first sentence, then the second, and made it halfway through the third before I slammed my finger down on the delete button. It just didn't sound right. A second attempt lead to a third, and finally a sentence I could stand spread out across the page.

One sentence.

That's all I managed before writers block set in.

So, it's time for a break... Well, sort of. I need to flush out the reason behind the writers block, and where better than right here. On the internet. :)

I have writers block because: I am a perfectionist, and I have a hard time understanding that it's okay to write several different drafts of the same story. It doesn't have to be right the first time. I need to get the whole story out, then I can go back and tweak it. The perfect line will come to me as I work. To quote Picasso: "Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working."

I feel I can't do this project because: I am afraid of failure. In my mind, I have a lot riding on this book. It is my best shot at fulfilling a life goal of making it to the New York Times Bestseller list. That's a lot of pressure for one little book.

I'm afraid of this process because: I know it may never go anywhere. It is easier to imagine potential, than to face failure. Also, if I am not careful... I could face a lawsuit -- there are a lot of 'sue' happy people out there. It's an easy way to get money. That is money that Aaron and I can't afford to lose.

I doing this because: If I don't, I know I'll regret it. I'll never be able to shake the 'what if' factor. How can I look my baby girl in the face and tell her to go for her dreams if I am too afraid to reach for mine.

Alright, now that I have my priorities in order... it's back to writing, and I think I know just how to start this time.

Wish me luck!

Obituary

Celeste's Obituary: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/saltlaketribune/obituary.aspx?n=celeste-nichole-poll&pid=156931070&fhid=4550

Peace Be With You

I don't know how many of you know Celeste Nichole Poll, but trust me when I say she was an angel! I knew her older sisters better than I knew her, but I can tell you honestly she touched everyone she met. No matter how briefly. She was diagnosed with Non-Hogdkin Lymphoma last summer. If you want the whole story, the blog about it is here: http://www.celestepoll.blogspot.com/ -- I've been following it for some time, her persistent strength was incredible. After becoming friends with the two oldest Poll girls, you couldn't help but love all of that family! Celeste was always smiling, and laughing, and oh my gosh her hair!!! Always such a beautiful girl! A sweet testimony, and an incredible ability to fill a room with her infectious smile. I remember watching her during a singles ward after sacrament munch and mingle. She had brought a boy to the church. You could literally feel the joy, and happiness she was feeling. Her testimony gave you shivers, and you just knew that she did not doubt the love she felt from her Savior. She loved the gospel, and truly had a faith that was astounding for someone so young. I remember another time coming over to the Poll house to help the girls "Shuck" peas. We watched Pride and Prejudice while we worked. All the girls were so happy to help their mom. There were pictures of the family E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.  That was the most unified family I think I had ever met. When Celeste was diagnosed with her cancer it hit everyone in that family, and they all banded together like never before. It was a bitter-sweet time for them. Katie was just newly married, and Shaleece was just about to be married, and Heather was in Alaska. But their facebook's all exploded with a plea for support and prayers. The blog was put up, and the music group Celeste was a part of started putting together a benefit concert for her. (She was a student at USU.) There have been quite a few up's and down's in this battle, but in the end God must have had a higher purpose for her! His need to have her home was greater than the need and want for her here on this earth. Though I know one of the greatest blessings of this gospel is knowing families are eternal, and we will see our loved ones on the other-side... it still hurts. The pain of losing someone is very real. So, I ask my readers to please send up a prayer for Celeste's family, and friends. I ask that we all pray that they might find peace, and that they are able to find the closure they all need at this time.

Father, I know you are all knowing. I know that you always have your reasons, even though we may not understand what they are, or like it... I know that you are always looking out for us. I know that each and every one of us is precious to you. You heart aches when we do wrong and pull away just as loudly as it sings when we find you, and praise you, and follow your counsel. Lord, you give us these trials, and tests to teach us and help us grow. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes they push us to do better, to be better. But when those of us down here on earth lose someone so young, so something so devastating...I think we all need a little peace and comfort. So Father, I ask that you will be with those of us who are hurting for Celeste. I pray that we will all remember the joy that is life and living. I ask also Father that you will be with those who have lost more than one love to cancer, or early death for whatever reason. I pray that one day all of your children will have the comfort of knowing your plan of happiness. I pray that every soul will feel the joy that is knowing we will see our loved ones again. Lord, we have to trust that this was your plan. That you needed Celeste with you. We also have to trust that you know what you are doing when things like this happen. I praise you Lord, in your all-knowing love for us. I know that we will all be okay, and I cannot thank you enough for the blessing of knowing that families are forever. Father, we Love you! This I pray in Jesus name, Amen.


Celeste Nicole Poll: April 13, 1989 - April 9, 2012

Taming The Fire...

But I am a wild child. I am, and always have been full of fire, and passion, and raw emotion. I speak without thinking, and I act without pause. I find something I believe in and jump in head first. I love fiercely. I live in my own little world. I paint a dramatic facade to keep people at a distance, and I love secrets. I dream big, aim high, and enjoy pretending the impossible isn't so far away. I firmly believe I have a specific purpose in this life, that I was uniquely designed for. Don't burst my bubble. I am who I am, and I'm not going to change. I can't be tamed, it's a lesson everyone in my life has learned. I met a man who loves me as my wild self, and never moved to "tame" me. I just wish the world would stop telling me to tone it down. The only thing that does is ignite my temper.

Courage From Within...

So, I finally sat down to write my book. I have my opening line. Want a peek?

--- 'I found him.' ---

Killer, right?

I know! When I stumbled across the facebook page for the man who's greed and selfish action nearly got me killed, and could have killed my brother as well... I knew I had found my opening line. I also know how I want to end the book. :) I ran it past Aaron last night when he came home from work. He thought it was pretty good too.

I am excited, and nervous about it all. I know it's something I have wanted to do for a long time... but I have this secret fear that it is going to suck. I suppose that is a good thing though. It will keep me humble, and hold my expectations at a real level when I finally get this ready to send out to editors and publishing companies. I'm just one of the lucky few who have a support system behind them, no matter what happens. I know that if this endeavor doesn't go anywhere, it will be okay. I have to at least try, right?

 But I'll let you in on a secret...

If this book does take off like I like to pretend it will, the first thing I will do with the money is buy Aaron his dream car. (Or truck, depending on how much I make...) It is the least I can do after all he has done for me. In all honesty, he is one of the biggest reasons I have even been brave enough to sit down and type the beginning paragraphs. He keeps telling me I'll never know if I could have made it to the New York Times list if I don't first put my words on the page.

This is for my family. For the chance that my words might give someone else hope. And for the people who saved my life. I owe it to all of them.

Wish me luck!