The Edge Life

...It's the feeling of flying, and absolute freedom even if for just one second. It's the thrill of losing control, the adrenaline of danger involved, and the speed of the colors flying past you...

Uprising by Muse is the perfect background sound for snow drifting, and making snowtire angels, and crashing through the frozen air.

Thank you 80's for Happening...

Here's to the week before Christmas...

May it slow down enough to finish all the shopping!

Merry Christmas!

(Don't forget to pause the music down at the bottom of the screen...)

You know, I'll never truly understand why... but these videos tend to make me happy.

Where Is Chivalry Today?

(Photography: Chivalry Puddle. Thanks to my friend "Oreo")

What has happened to chivalry in this world?

Readers Digest Version of Today's Story: Movie with my two favorite, and best guy friends. One says to the Other "You should walk Jess to her car, you are closer to it." Other says to One "No, I don't think I need to." One says to other "Fine, I will then." Other says to One, "No! I'll do it." Jess says to herself, "I feel like Elizabeth when Darcy assists her out of the carriage due to societal rules. It is a sweet gesture, but entirely awkard. Ugh! Forced chivary is the worst! Jess says to Other "Thank you." Other walks back to car very put out.

Moral/ lesson: "For Those who depend on social acceptance it can be seen as an unwanted burden which demasculates them." (Quote T. Torres) "Because guys are about ego. When they have to become subservient to anyone or anything, it surpresses their ego."(Quote: C. Gustafson. )  Men should get over this need to always be the bigger, better man... It is often very confusing, and un-necessary! But! All men should retain some form of chivalry. It is very flattering, and will not only win you the girl, but you'll also keep said girl!

My Dear Sweet Papa

This week has been a scary week in my family. My daddy has an Aortic Valve disorder, and has a few heart troubles because of it. The cold really gets him though. His lungs freeze up and it will often times bring him to his knees. Last night was one of the worse episodes I've experienced personally. We had gone to Walmart at Jordan Landing to try and find the gift he wants to give to my mom. (We've looked everywhere... but we are determined to get it!) His heart and chest had been hurting him the entire drive. I was already nervous going in, but then he fell into the snow. Add more nerves... We almost got to electronics when we had to stop at the bikes so my dad could try and get control over the pain. What I mean is: he leans over and puts pressure on his chest and holds his breath for about 3 seconds and then slowly releases. He does this over and over again until he feels like he has a handle on it. It helps him gain a control over his body. (My daddy and I are the same in many things. He is the one I turn to at my house, but one thing we share is a hatred for pain medications. They make your head fuzzy and you can't every tell what is going on with your body. Luckily we've both developed a strong tolerance for pain. :) My dad however, should sometimes relent. He is more stubborn about it than I am. Even the best of us need help sometimes.) We made it to electronics after about 5 minutes at the bike rack. Good news is: We found the gift! And at a price we like! Bad news: My daddy could hardly walk. We tried to walk down a few isles. He had to stop at a cart that was full of boxed up stock. After about 10 mintues, and very nervous Jess later... we walked back to where we found our preferred item, and grabbed the empty cart that was still there. He thought we could maybe "fake it" with this... HA! We got down to the photo area and he took a seat at the stool they have in front of their Kodak machines. He sat down and leaned over the cart. I've seen my daddy have a heart attack. I've seen him after a really bad heart attack so I know what to look for. Every sign was there, with a few more worries thrown in the mix. He was pale, a very chalky pale. Shaky, short of breath, and wobbly. I've never heard my poor papa curse up a storm like that but I've also never experience his pain. It was then that I realized this was one of the worst pains he'd ever felt and I grew to a level of fear, not just nerves but straight up fear. He could hardly speak above a whisper. He kept asking me not to let him hit the ground, to make sure he didn't hit the ground. I sent a text to my mom and asked her to come and help me. 2 walmart workers came and offered their services. My daddy hates making a scene. When he had his heart attack in the airport back in '97 he was so upset. I tried to convey that we had it under control, but when they came back about 10 minutes later and we were still in the same position they asked if I wanted a wheelchair. I accepted this. I needed to get my dad to a place where he could get the help he needed. (Lesson learned: Walmart does not have a push wheelchair, just stupid, beyond slow put-put chairs. It took the cigarette breath lady over 15 minutes to ride it from the front doors to electronics.) In that time, my dad has said he needed to lie down. I helped him off the stool and sat with him on the floor at that same time allowing one of the Walmart people to call for an ambulance. The floor was too cold. I was shaking from the cold (I'm not much better at handling cold...) and my dad's breathing had changed. It was becoming harder for him to breath. He crawled forward to a pallet of stock boxes and knelt at them placing his head in his hands and trying to gain control over it all. He was losing that fight, and he turned to me and said "Jess, I'm not going to make it.[to the car] I can't breath." This, more than anything scared me to death. (One of my very worst fears is going to my dad's store after hours to do his deposits for him and finding him in a crumple on the floor of his shoe repair. This was starting to feel a bit like finding him like that...) Me being the quick thinker I am in a crisis situation, asked if they had a chair with wheels. Any kind of a chair with wheels and preferably with arm rests. I needed to get him out of there! And fast! 5 minutes later I had a chair with wheels and arm rests. Luckily about 5 seconds later the Emt's arrived. I started to answer their question, and my mom called to say she was parked and running back to us. I answered as many questions as I could. "His name is Micheal Gustafson, he is 45, about 130-140lbs. He had open heart surgery at age 13, in '77. He has an aortic valve disorder. His date of birth is 2/12/... 45 years ago. Please don't let him fall." I beat his ambulance to JVH and soon met up with him and my mother in the ER room 4. My mom left after a bit as we have small children still running around our house and she gets up for work at 5am, and it was well past midnight. It was just me and my dad for about 45 minutes. We learned his heart has grown since 2006 (His last big hospital experience, where he was in the bed...) and he has nodules on his lungs (not cancerous, but still scary...) and they wanted to admit him into the hospital to make sure this wasn't a heart attack, and to see if they couldn't find any answers as to why the cold hits him so hard. At about 1:30 a very good friend of mine came to sit with me, and offer the comfort of their presence and support. I can't express my gratitude for the love I have felt from friends  be it via text messages, phone calls, or prayers. It really is a strength to know that I have people I can count on at any time, day or night to come to my aid, and the aid of my family. I truly do love all of you, and wish you nothing but the best! My daddy is still in the ICU at JVH, but we are hoping to have him home tonight!

This is the man that taught me to love music, to go for all I had in me, and to never let anyone take away from me what I believe and know to be true. Even if it is him I am fighting against. This is my father, the strongest, bravest man I know. I love you Papa!

My papa was playing the guitar while Leesa was singing along with him, and pretending to play the guitar. Those of us in my family who are musically inclined, play by ear. I am the only one that can read sheet music (I'm trying to teach Leesa). So, papa is figuring this song out as I am filming. It's pretty neat actually! Not to mention I take you on a tour of our lovely , then un-finished but functional recording studio in the basement of our house. (The studio has since been almost finished, and is still fully functional... and the drums are even set up!)

Christmas Excitement!

I think one of my absolute favorite parts of Christmas is being able to shop for the people in my life. There is something about the search for that one perfect gift that will make that one special person smile. It's all just so exciting!

There is always one gift that makes me the happiest to give. One that I am super proud of, and know that it will make that person truly happy. This year, my favorite gift is the one I am giving to my mother. She and I have had a really hard year. We've never been super close, but we've never butted heads like this before. So, I wanted to make this year extra special.

As is pretty obvious to anyone who regularly reads this blog, I love photography. There is something about taking a moment in time and capturing it, and being able to show the world how you see the world. Now, I tinker around with many different forms of art. I dable in painting, sketching, writing, stitching, whatever I can get my hands on really... but Photography seems to be where most of my artistic talent sits. Well, my mum noticed I have a bit of skill with a camera and so asked me to take a picture and frame it for her Christmas gift. Well, me being me, I decided to print and frame several pictures. I am not known for giving a person just one gift. It's usually two or more. I just get too darn excited!

I am so excited about this gift I am going to give a spoiler... My family doesn't actually read my blog so I think it's safe to share. :)

(If you look closely you'll see the blue of his eyes)

(SLC Temple, Nov. 2009)

(This is my sister Miranda)

I haven't decided the exact number of pictures I am going to use. These are some I am consering as options. And don't worry, in the end they will look like they go together. I promise!

My Pianist...

Have you noticed the cold isn't so cold when lost in an art as it fills the silence winter brings?

Did you experience the piano take over the 2am stillness?

I did...

Who Am I To Stand And Condemn Another...

In this life we are wronged, and we wrong others. We only know and understand our side of things. We know how we feel, and we know how we think. We do not know what causes another person to act in the manner we disagree with, nor do we know what that person feels when the consequences of their actions hit them. I know that I am guilty of placing labels, and judgments on people, but I do my best to accept everyone for who they are, and who they are trying to be. I am human, and I make mistakes. We all are, and we all do, but to refuse a Child of God forgivness is something I personally cannot do.

Doctrine and Covenants 64: 9-10

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.
10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

I do not understand how a person can hold a grudge, or refuse to allow someone another chance when we have been commanded to. As Christian beings why do we permit ourselves to continually carry a heavy grudge along for an extended period of time. Do we not choose to feel hurt by someone's chosen ignorance? Do we not choose to feel happy when we wake each morning? Do we not choose to take words personally? Are we not capable of running our own lives? It is my belief that we are, and always have been. That is the beauty of free will, but to be a Christian is to look beyond ourselves and live as Christ lived. That means forgiving ALL men, women, and children of every race, creed, and nature.

Matthew 18:21-22

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times times?

22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

It is my belief that when Christ said to Peter, 'until seventy times seven' he meant forever. We are to forgive our brethren each and every time they do something to hurt us, and those that we care about. When a small child is hurt, that child will cry until they can no longer feel the pain. When they recieve a loving hug, or see a smile, they will pick themselves back up and continue on playing the pain forgotten and a lesson learned. Are we not supposed to be as small children? Forgiveness is a hard thing, but it is a commandment for all. No matter what you believe. This principle is in all versions of Christian scripture, and is a practice that has been asked of all of us.

Just Because I Happen To Have An Opinion On Everything...

Just because I happen to have an opinion on everything, I am going to broadcast my opinion of the whole Max Hall incident and share the opinion of another guy who A: detailed the 'alcohol spilling' and B: has a few good points!

While I agree this situation has been blown out of proportion, I stand by my statement that Max Hall stands as a representative of BYU, and by extension the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If he is going to give an opinion he should not have been so asinine about it. It is fine to have an opinion, but when you stand as an example for something that is bigger than you and what you see, it is better to just keep your views locked in your mouth. There is a phrase I love to quote. I got it from one of my high school teachers. (He had gotten frustrated with one of the students who was goofing off and just saying random what-not's that had nothing to do with anything.)  Mr. --- said, "Why don't you just shut your mouth and keep the stupid inside. This way people can just think you're an idiot, rather than know you're an idiot and have proof of it for the rest of your life!"

Here is what Max had to say after winning a game:

After delivering the winning touchdown pass in overtime Saturday, BYU quarterback Max Hall unloaded on his rivals.

Asked a rather innocent question about whether the 26-23 victory redeemed him for last November's five-interception game in a loss to Utah, Hall said, "A little bit, yeah. I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, I hate their fans, I hate everything."

His comments came in a formal news conference, in front of several television cameras and media members.

"So it felt really good to send those guys home," Hall continued. "They didn't deserve it. It was our turn, and our turn to win. We deserved it. We played as hard as we could tonight. And it felt really good, again, to send them home, to get them out of here, and so it is a game I will always remember."

Prodded mildly to elaborate, Hall asked, "You really want me to go into it?"

And then he continued, "I think the whole university, their fans and their organization is classless. They threw beer on my family and stuff last year, and they did a whole bunch of nasty things, and I don't respect them, and they deserved to lose."

(The sentences that are in bold [below] are my way of expressing those words I deem most important.)

No beer was thrown on Max Hall. What really happened to his family.

Posted By: Utah Dave

Date: Sunday 29 November 2009, at 10:13 amMessage Rating: 29
'In case some of you missed it. I detailed the incident a few days ago. Here is the Link:http://utefans.net/message.php?id=927327

A few more details on the purported "Beer" throwing incident. No beer was thrown on Max, but maybe this is the other stuff. Why because nearly all the fans who sit directly above BYU's fan base are Mormon. None of us drink, yet alone drink beer. The tally was as follows:
One former Bishop who has terminal pancreatic cancer.
One Counselor in the Bishopric.
A ward Mission leader.
Gospel Doctrine teacher.
Etc. Etc.

When max's mother in law began screaming at us. She was standing at the portal next to the exit on W29. She had security 2 feet away and was surrounded by BYU not Utah fans. When the family made the dash up to the seats to get the "Max Hall isn't living right." Sign. The guy in front of us who made the sign gave it up without incident. That may be the other stuff Max is talking about. But I am 100% sure that no Beer was thrown on Max's family in that incident.

What has bugged me from day one about that incident is that Max, still doesn't get the hypocrisy of the sign that the BYU fan was holding up. They were holding up the sign: "When your living right on and off the field magic happens." Max, how is it your fan can bring a sign that offends nearly everybody and it be OK and the other side responds with nearly the same language and it is not? Can you not see how that would offend many of the returned missionaries on the Utah team? How about the people who are on Utah that are not of Max's faith, but also religious? How offensive is that? Such religious bigotry goes both ways max.

Max let me clue you in on something. The University of Utah has the largest LDS Institute of Religion in the world. And guess what Max, those kids go to religious classes not because they are forced to, but because they want to. Max maybe you should read Alma 32: 13-15 again.

Max, finally, God doesn't care who wins a football game. It's a diversion to pass our time. A way to hang out and spend time with our family and friends. You winning does not mean the church is true or not. It does not mean you're more righteous than the other guy. It means you played hard, worked hard and got "conclusive visual evidence."

Max How many times has a Utah fan jumped out of the stands and attacked a cheerleader? How many times has a Utah player thrown punches at a BYU fan? How many punches were thrown yesterday. Max, look in the mirror, so you can see classless. Max that sign said one thing. "Max Hall isn't living right." That sign is more true today than the day that you threw six interceptions.

I cannot wait until two years from now when the "classy" Wyoming fans come back to town.'

Dancing Through A Candied World In A Silent Night.

If there is one thing I love about Winter it's the way snow candies everything. It wraps around each branch on the trees, and coats the windows in frosted lilies. It makes the world sparkle, and quiets the sounds of anger as it rushes down shimmery streets.

Winter: An Artists' Dream land...

Honk! Honk!

Honk if Emily Gilmore views your mind as her personal playground... HONK! HONK!

I have recently come to accept that my mother is the perfect embodiment of Emily Gilmore. While I have always loved the Gilmore Girls, I have never been so closely and personally tied to the trials and tribulations of the the Emily Gilmore (mother) vs. Lorelai Gilmore (daughter) saga. To better understand this, I would suggest everyone watch what is arguably the best Gilmore episode 'You Jump I Jump Jack' and witness the banter that goes on between the two of them.

This isn't the first clip I'd choose, but it is from that episode and will show you some of what I mean... Not to mention it's the only one I could find...
http://www.thewb.com/shows/gilmore-girls/clip-luke-at-the-gilmores/ba57f8863d

Once Wanted, Now Un-Loved...

Will the day never end? My head can't hold much more, and my feet won't go much further. Can't I just rest my heart? Please, just for a day. I promise I won't leave it sitting out, but could I please pretend it's home for a moment while I catch my breath? Won't you sit with me a while and let me cry to you? I won't let the tears splash your pants, and I won't ruin your shirt, I just need an ear...

Today I learned being wanted doesn't always mean being loved. No child should be un-wanted but loved, or wanted but un-loved. A child should be wanted and loved, or there should be no child given. The words of Brandi Carlile came to mind as I began to realize that there are children out there who were once wanted but have lost the love a parent should have for a child, and the love that a child needs to reach their full potential in this life. That some children have to let go of the people they were born to and accept other figures/forms of that parental figure...  'I don't think you ever learned a thing from me, but I'm sure that you want me to learn from you. And you've drawn heavy handed lines around morality about yourself and I don't share your point of view. It's been time to let you go a thousand times, you'd never know that it hurts to be the one that you regret. I have to say that I am proud to know you. I'll never be the same because we met. You might not miss this, but I will...'

Why are we here?

What is this life really about?

 

It's about experiencing the moments you wish you could live in forever...

It's about holding a piece of time in your hand.

It's about finding people to love, and be loved by. Forever.

Disclaimer:

Again I will say this, I will not Ever send someone a message via blogger. I was stupid enough to do it once, I am not a big enough idiot to do it twice. What I write is for me, by me, unless otherwise stated. Most of the pictures I post are taken by me, or were at least designed by me. The others are taken from google, unless otherwise stated. I do not support any copyright violation, or plagarism!

Moving Past The Mountain...

Struggling to stay afloat, slowly making progress, and then falling right back down. When it rains, it pours. We've all heard it, we've all experienced it. It isn't what has happened, but what is happening now. It's how hard we push against the pull of gravity. It's the fight we make to stand again, and put that first foot forward. That is what matters in these darkest of days.

"Hey Jess, you always seem so strong, and driven. How is it you can always be so optimistic? How do you always see the silver lining?"

"You know, I'm not. I have my days when I don't want to be Jess anymore. I have moments when all I see is the flat black of depression. There are mornings when I can't breathe, and I would give anything just to stay there underneath my covers and cry until my heart freezes over. I've had my heart broken a time or two. I've watched someone take their life and throw it away. I've had someone I loved very much pass away. I'm watching as Satan take a firm grip on the world and run with it, and it's out of my control. I am feeling the economy dip, and the toll it's taking on the people around me."

"Yes, but you are always so happy. You are the strongest person I know. How do you do it? How do you  handle all of it?"

"I don't know what to tell you really. I have those days when I just want to scream, and yell, and throw things. When I am so sick and tired of always having to be the strongest person in my family, and having to take care of everyone else first. I have those thoughts of 'why can't someone else do this? Why can't this be someone else's life?' but It's not always about me. I have people who depend on me, and I won't let them down. It goes against who I am. I am someone who can't sit in a bed all day. I am someone who puts others before me. I am someone who has enough faith in my Heavenly Father to know he has a plan for me. That everything I have been through, and everything I have yet to go through is all for a purpose. There is a reason I have been given the optimistic disposition that I have. There is a reason I see the world through very different eyes. There is a purpose behind all the pain, devastation, and heartache we experience in this world, and that is where my strength comes from. It isn't my own, it is the love of a Savior, and Heavenly Parents, who constantly watch over me. Who are there to hold me close in those moments when my  heart breaks. When I've had a hard day, all I have to do is kneel and pour my heart out to my Savior, and he's right there with me. It's faith, and trust, and hope that there is a reason for everything."

"You really are amazing Jess. You always know what to say, and I can feel your testimony when you talk. What do you say to those of us who aren't as secure as you are in your independence, and your "single" status?"

"[laughs] Well, to be honest with you... I have a hard time with it. I have been an active part of 23 weddings, and I am about to be in my 24th this next week. It's hard for me too. I live in Utah, I feel the same pressure to be married... but I also know myself and I know that I am not ready, so again I lean on my Heavenly Father. It's faith that I have someone out there who I will meet someday, and we'll just click. I'll find someone who makes me laugh, and see the brighter side of every situation. It's having that hope that someone out there is praying for me too. I know it's totally cliche' but it's the truth! I am truly a romantic a heart. [laughs] I've learned to see the brighter side. I can't look outside and not be grateful for the small things. In those days when I can't see the end to whatever situation I am in, I look for those small things that I enjoy. Those things that won't and can't be ruined by whatever is going on around me. A good song. The sunlight hitting the trees at just the right angle. The smell of freshly laundered clothing, or bread baking, or cookies being made in the kitchen. The sound of rain on the windows, or the way I feel after I've just taken a walk with a good friend. The twinkle of the stars, and knowing that those stars have been there for ages, and will be there for years to come. It's the tender mercies that keep me going. We are never left alone. There is always someone out there who loves you, and there will always be someone out there who needs you. What greater blessing is there, than to help someone who is in need? To teach someone something new... Watch them learn, and grow, and be benefitted because you were in their life..."

For those of you who are struggling. For those who are fighting to stand. For you, who feel so alone, and lost. I am here for you. Here is my hand, it is outstretched towards you. Take it, and know that you are not alone. I am here, use my shoulder. My heart is crying for you, my back is strong and I'll carry you until you find your strength. I won't let go until you are sure you can pedal on your own. Take my hand, and together we'll make it through this dark until the sun is bright on our faces. I am here for you!

Only As True As Our Reflections...

(This is going to be a long post, but well worth the read... just FYI)

I picked up my pride and I headed off to Taylor Andrews Academy of Hair Design yesterday morning (10/7/09) with one of my very best friends Sunnie Rushton. We were going to a class taught by Allison Price (http://www.allisonprice.typepad.com/) she was an instructor at T.A. while I was attending there. I absolutely loved her, and the classes she taught so I was excited she was going to be a 'guest artist' at the West Jordan T.A. and that she had invited anyone and everyone to come. (That meant I could too!) It was an odd feeling driving back into that parking lot with the intention of going inside of that building and staying in there for an extended period of time. Sunnie and I stopped at the starbucks across the lot, (I have finally paid for something in all quarters! It was an adventure I can cross off of my list!) I got my usual, Peppermint Mocha. Sunnie got herself, Allison, and Allison's assistant a starbucks beverage. We both were a bit nervous to go in so we waited in my car listening to the new Mika album, and waiting for Allison to arrive. At about 9:30am, as a group of 4, we walked into the building. Heads turned. (I may want to add here that my departure from Taylor Andrews was less than pleasant. I went for about 9 months, and it was absolute Hell for me. I have learned many wonderful things from that institution, and it is an excellent school/education for those who have a strong desire to learn hair and aesthetics... but I did not.) Shock and curiosity filled the air. The owner of the school, Larry Curtis, was as I had expected. He was seemingly apathetic, and trying to avoid interaction with me. Which to be perfectly honest, I preferred. I didn't want to have to make eye contact, fake a smile, or move a greeting out of my lips for that man. He is a man with many excellent qualities, and has made quite a name for himself, but... my opinion of him was less than, um, well... friendly. We made our way to the media room, where Sunnie and I found seats in the back. I got all settled while Sunnie scampered off to gossip and assist Allison who is a close personal friend of hers. Now is should be understood that Allison is a very genuine type of person. She believes what she believes, and has more confidence than anyone I know. Everything she has she has rightfully earned, and deserves full credit. But! She doesn't want the credit! She loves doing what she does simply because she is doing it. She taught this same class or something like it while I was in school, but at that time I wasn't feeling my best (I was unknowingly battling the infection) and I simply did not want to be attending that school. It was nothing against Allison as her classes were the only ones I would truly actively listen to, but as a result I didn't retain much of this lecture. It was a class on the book 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz. Here are my notes on the Lecture:

Allison's intro: Learning, and Retaining

*The best way to learn/remember is to relate to the material to something in your personal life.

*We all have the ability to learn or to not learn in all that we do. Attention is the ability we have to focus on what we want to perceive.

*The only way to (we) store information is by agreement.

*As soon as we agree with something we remember it, and we believe in it.

*Everyone has their own book of law; based upon how they were raised & taught. However, we judge everyone bases upon our own book of law. Not everyone is going to follow your book of law. Not everyone is you.

*Judge/Victim/Conscience: Judge uses your book of law to judge & pass down his opinions about everything/everyone. Victim believes everything judge says. Conscience is your inner you, and will most often be the voice of real truth.

*True Justice: True Justice decrees that we only pay for a mistake once. As humans how many mistakes do we pay and re-pay for. How many times do we make those around us pay for their mistakes?

*Out Biggest Fear: Is not death. It is to be alive. Our biggest fear is taking the risks to be and express to others who you really are. F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal.

*We have created an image of perfection based on the ramblings of the Judge & Victim, as well as our book of law, and our fear of living authentically. We will never live up to that view. Not being perfect we abuse and reject ourselves. Nobody abuses ourselves like we do. The Great News is the more self-love we have and foster, the less we self-abuse.

The First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Speak with Integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

*The first agreement is the most important and can be the most difficult to keep. Be Impeccable With Your Word. It sounds simple, but it is very very powerful!

*Why your word? Words can wield a world of change, for the better or worse. (Example: Hitler)

*People who are impeccable with their words are annoying to those who are not impeccable with their words.

*Misuse of words is also how we pull each other down and keep each other in a state of fear and doubt. We have all heard the saying "Misery loves company."

*Gossip is easily fixed in two ways: Refuse to pass it on, or say something nice to counter-act it. There is so much freedom in being immune to everyone else's opinions of you and your situation.

The Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally.

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

*Whatever happens around you, do not take it personally. Nothing people do is because of, for, or about you. It is about them.

*"If your life sucks, You suck"

*Taking things personally makes you easy prey for those negative opinions and tearing comments.

*You can to choose to follow your heart ALWAYS without fear of retaliation or rejection.

*When we take things personally and we get offended, we react by defending ourselves, our own beliefs, and we create conflict.

*Remember: IT IS NEVER ABOUT YOU. IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT THEM!

The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions.

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you can transform your life.

*We have the tendency to make assumptions. The problem with making assumptions is we believe them.

*All the sadness and drama in your life has been rooted in taking things personally, then making assumptions.

*90% of the time when you are offended the other person has no idea.

*It's always better to ask for clarification than make an assumption; because the assumptions set us up for suffering for nothing.

*ASS/U/ME: Assuming is great at this. It does make an ass out of you and me; but mostly you!

*Assuming in relationships is really asking for problems. Often we go into a relationships with people we don't like very much, saying to ourselves "Our love will change them." Real love is accepting people as they are; without trying to change them. Find someone you don't have to change and who won't try to change you. Someone with whom this can be your motto: 'If you love me the way I am, take me. If not, okay, bye bye, find someone else.'

*Allison's recommendation: Before jumping into a relationship make the pro/con list. If you can live with the con list, without trying to change them... you will probably be very successful in your relationship! If you can't live with the con list and choose to be in the relationship anyway... it's your fault.

The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best.
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
*Your best will change over time. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Your best is not always the same. Everything is alive; so there will be fluctuation.

*Doing your best you are going to live intensely. 70% of people hate/dislike their job. 30% Like or love their job.

*It is the action that makes you happy, not the success or the reward. If it isn't this way, it should be.

*When you do your best, there is no regret. Action is about enjoying life.

*You can be you when you do your best! You don't need the acceptance of others.

*You choose your legacy. What you leave as your legacy on this earth is how you treat and love others.

It was an amazing class, and I am so happy I was able to attend! Better yet! I spoke, and actively participated... which shocked more than one person, and made it all the more enjoyable for me!

From Pain, and devastation, comes truth and a lesson learned.

I had a friend send this quote to me, and tell me to youtube the speech Kennedy gave concerning the death of Martin Luther King Jr. So, I did. And now I am sharing it with you. It truly is worth listening to.

...And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart,
And in our own despair, against our will,
Comes wisdom to us through the awful grace of God...

Aeschylus

Announcing the Death of Martin Luther King, Jr. Robert F. Kennedy, 4 April, 1968, Indianapolis, Indiana

Ladies and Gentlemen - I'm only going to talk to you just for a minute or so this evening. Because...

I have some very sad news for all of you, and I think sad news for all of our fellow citizens, and people who love peace all over the world, and that is that Martin Luther King was shot and was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.

Martin Luther King dedicated his life to love and to justice between fellow human beings. He died in the cause of that effort. In this difficult day, in this difficult time for the United States, it's perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in.

For those of you who are black - considering the evidence evidently is that there were white people who were responsible - you can be filled with bitterness, and with hatred, and a desire for revenge.

We can move in that direction as a country, in greater polarization - black people amongst blacks, and white amongst whites, filled with hatred toward one another. Or we can make an effort, as Martin Luther King did, to understand and to comprehend, and replace that violence, that stain of bloodshed that has spread across our land, with an effort to understand, compassion and love.

For those of you who are black and are tempted to be filled with hatred and mistrust of the injustice of such an act, against all white people, I would only say that I can also feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. I had a member of my family killed, but he was killed by a white man.

But we have to make an effort in the United States, we have to make an effort to understand, to get beyond these rather difficult times.

My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He once wrote: "Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."

What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black.

(Interrupted by applause)

So I ask you tonight to return home, to say a prayer for the family of Martin Luther King, yeah that's true, but more importantly to say a prayer for our own country, which all of us love - a prayer for understanding and that compassion of which I spoke. We can do well in this country. We will have difficult times. We've had difficult times in the past. And we will have difficult times in the future. It is not the end of violence; it is not the end of lawlessness; and it's not the end of disorder.

But the vast majority of white people and the vast majority of black people in this country want to live together, want to improve the quality of our life, and want justice for all human beings that abide in our land.

(Interrupted by applause)

Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.

Let us dedicate ourselves to that, and say a prayer for our country and for our people. Thank you very much. (Applause)

Creating an Infinite Power of Hope

I believe these two videos speak for themselves, but I pray that we are all able to listen to the words of this man, Dieter F. Uchtdorf. His words of wisdom, and power, are words to live by.

Just In Case You Were Wondering...

Today: 1:50pm... Appointment with Dr. Zimmerman = Scheduled MRI, and prescription of Tramadol.
Here's to hoping this heavy-duty drug cures the migraine pain, as nothing else has been able to touch it. When I say nothing, I mean Nothing... I have tried just about everything, from standing on my head ;) to every over the counter drug I could think of.


Thursday: 1:30pm... Scheduled MRI @ Alta View Hospital.
On the hope that the never-ending migraine I have had for the past week and a half is the culprit behind the pain, insomnia, and random numbness...

In Love With The Weather!~

Simplicity is Happiness...

This has been an exceptionally hard month, week, day... I didn't realize just how pessimistic I had gotten until this conversation happened. More particularly when these sentences fell out of my mouth. "Jess, how is it you always seem to have so much faith?" "I have so much faith because often times there is nothing else for me but to have faith. I have to have faith." So, in an effort to pull myself out of the bog I am falling back on these 5 simple rules to life. I have decided to share them with you because, well, quite frankly September seems to have started out rough for a fair few of us.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

Happiness is something you decide upon. If you rise from your bed each morning and say to yourself, "It's going to be a good day" your mind will be predisposed to look for the good in every thing. Miracles happen every day, it's simply a matter of opening your eyes to see them. Even the most simple of things can turn a day around when you let them. So... open your eyes, hearts, and minds and let us choose to be happy.

Heart Attack Symptoms For Women.

I realize that I am only 21, but I have had my share of heart attack scares, and personally experienced a stress induced heart attack only a few months ago. I decided to share this news article with you because had I known exactly what to look for I probably wouldn't have ended up driving myself to the hospital, and gotten there faster. I may have even been able to get there before the heart attack actually happened... Heart attacks are different for women than they are for men. This article will explain why, and what to look for.

Conventional wisdom has it that heart attacks come out of the blue. We're also trained to expect a heart attack to happen a certain way; the victim clutches his chest, writhes in pain, and collapses. But for women, it often doesn't happen that way. Study after study shows heart attacks and heart disease are under-diagnosed in women, with the explanation being that they didn't have symptoms.

But research shows that's not the case. Women who've had heart attacks realize, looking back, that they experienced significant symptoms -- they just didn't recognize them as such.

In a study funded by the National Institutes of Health and published in Circulation: Journal of the American Heart Association, 95 percent of women (that's almost all!) who'd had heart attacks reported experiencing symptoms that were decidedly new or different from their previous experience a month or more before their attacks.

Even when a heart attack is occurring, women are often slow to realize what's happening and call a doctor. The reason? Women's heart attack symptoms are different than men's. This failure to recognize heart attack signs in women has led to a grim statistic: women are more likely to die from sudden cardiac death than men are, and two thirds of women who have a heart attack don't recover completely.

To prevent a heart attack from sneaking up on you, watch for these 7 little-known signs of heart attack:

1. Fatigue. More than 70 percent of women in the NIH study reported extreme fatigue in the month or months prior to their heart attacks. This was not just your run-of-the-mill tiredness -- the kind you can power through -- this was an overwhelming fatigue that sidelined them from their usual schedules for a few days at a time.

2. Sleeplessness or Insomnia. Despite their fatigue, women who've had heart attacks remember experiencing unexplained inability to fall asleep or stay asleep during the month before their heart attacks.

3. Anxiety and Stress. Stress has long been known to up the risk of heart attack. But what women report is the emotional experience; before their heart attacks they felt anxious, stressed, and keyed up, noticeably more than usual. Moments before or during a heart attack, many women report a feeling they describe as "impending doom;" they're aware that something's drastically wrong and they can't cope, but they're not sure what's going on.

4. Indigestion or Nausea. Stomach pain, intestinal cramps, nausea, and digestive disruptions are another sign reported by women heart attack patients. Become familiar with your own digestive habits, and pay attention when anything seems out of whack. Note especially if your system seems upset and you haven't eaten anything out of the ordinary.

5. Shortness of Breath. Of the women in the NIH study, more than 40 percent remembered experiencing this symptom. One of the comments the women made is that they noticed they couldn't catch their breath while walking up the stairs or doing other daily tasks.

6. Flu-Like Symptoms. Clammy, sweaty skin, along with feeling lightheaded and weak, can lead women to wonder if they have the flu when, in fact, they're having a heart attack.

7. Jaw, Ear, Neck, or Shoulder Pain. While pain and numbness in the chest, shoulder, and arm is a common sign of heart attack (at least, among men), women often don't experience the pain this way. Instead, many women say they felt pain and a sensation of tightness running along their jaw and down the neck, and sometimes up to the ear, as well. The pain may extend down to the shoulder and arm -- particularly on the left side -- or it may feel like a backache or pulled muscle in the neck and back.

In addition to the symptoms they do have, women differ from men in another significant way -- they may not experience many of the symptoms we traditionally associate with heart attacks. This, experts say, is a major reason why women's heart attacks go unrecognized and untreated. Almost half of all women in the NIH study felt no chest pain, even during the heart attack itself. Numbness is another symptom women may not experience, experts say.

How to protect yourself or the women you care about?

If your body is doing unusual things and you just don't feel "right," don't wait. Go see your doctor and ask for a thorough work-up. And if you have any risk factors for cardiac disease, such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, or family history of heart disease, mention these to the doctor. Time is of the essence, so don't count on medical staff to know your background or read your chart -- tell them your risk factors right away, so your condition can be evaluated fully and completely.

Awkward Words of Advice for those of You Getting Freaky..

Okay ladies, so this is going to be an out of the ordinary post. Especially as I am not active in this brand of excersise... but, I have had a few married friends learn and experience a lovely dance called the 'Kidney Stone' dance. It causes enough pain to make labor a breeze...

Just a friendly suggestion...

GO PEE AFTER EVERY TIME YOU GET 'FREAKY'... (aka. The Happy Horizontal Dance or Sexual intercourse. Whichever label you are more comfortable with.) ... ;)

This also helps with the prevention of UTI's, bladder/kidney infections for those of you who are sexually active in the present.

Thank you to my mother for sharing this tip with me, and now the internet!

Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are.

Given patience, trust, and time all things will be revealed in faith. It is by faith that all things come to pass. It is through faith that all things are made clear to us. It is because of faith that we make it through everything we are given... alive.

But it is because of love, that we are here. Why are we crying for anger. Why are we holding on to that anger, as it bullets the sky. Pride, and hatred do nothing for the world. It leaves damage to the heart. Don't you think it's time we let the holes heal?

Misunderstandings and lack of communication are the culprits behind most hurt, and pain. From pain comes anger, and from anger we let our hearts become cold with pride. We are in a suicidal war, and we will lose if we can't learn to let the Lord take the reins. Everything happens for a reason, and there is reason behind everything that is happening. It's a matter of trust, and having enough faith to let God lead the way. Wouldn't it be easier to let someone who already knows the way be the guide, instead of blundering about like a bunch of idiots? How many souls have we already lost because we held on to a bitterness, and let hate take the lead? We have soldiers who are fighting bravely across the ocean for us. We have angelic soldiers fighting for our spiritual attention. How quickly do we walk through this life without pausing to let the heart heal... How many children have grown in a loveless world. How many of us are drowning in a sea of pain because the weight of the world on our shoulders is pulling us under. All it takes is a moment. A moment to pause and listen. A moment to pray for help. A moment heal. A moment to stop and take the hand of someone next to you. A moment to smile. A moment to hope. A moment to let go and Forgive. A moment of Faith.

Growing My Own Wish...

GROW YOUR OWN WISH...

You are the one who knows your dreams, and it's up to you to make them come true.

It is vital that we remember we do not know all people. We do not know where they have been, where they are going, or what they are capable of. It is our responsibility to treat all beings, and persons with dignity, respect, and the love our Savior unconditionally shows to us.

Black Box of Colorful Wonders

Isn't if funny... music is able to fill us completely, speak the words that won't come, express the unknown feeling, and calm even the most dangerous of storms...

Magic is the world where the touch of rhythm and sound will draw a smile from even the darkest of times.



With a simple photograph you are left breathless, and painted in a world of wonder...

What a wondrous world we live in where still art has the ability to make you feel, dream, and express without the need of a single word...

07.08.09 @ 10:11:12 ... PICTURE TIME!!!

Here is a collection of what I did today... 8 hours in direct sunlight... Normally my skin goes straight to a tan, so this is actually kind of exciting for me! I'm willing to bet it will be gone by tomorrow evening, faded into a lovely tan; thanks to my olive undertones. (Thank you Grandpa Adams for passing down that gene!)

7/8/09 @ 10:11:12 AM

07.08.09 @ 10:11:12PM

Words Of Caution...

When you look for something, you will find it.

Even, if only in your mind.

If you look for hidden meaning, you will find one.

No matter how small.

If you suspect ulterior motives, they will be there.

Anything will do.

Stop reading between the lines, and read what is boldly printed.

You'll find the truth was never hidden from you...

Open Window In A Closed Room Of Confusion

Have you ever felt you were meant for something greater than what you were doing, but felt trapped by your situation and lack of means to attain your greatest dream? Were you stuck in a day dream with no map, car, or key to find your way around to the golden treasure in your reality? Lost in the confusion of the world. No idea where to start, or how to even get to a starting place. Knowing what you want, but unable to reach the means to make it happen. Once upon a time you had a plan of action, and you did what was necessary, but it all fell through because you had no more support. Told over and over again what you wanted was a nice dream, but was only that, a dream. After so many times it gets beaten into you, and you begin to believe it. It's hard to want great things. It's even harder to attain the impossible when you feel so small and helpless. It's frustrating to be told, it's okay, I felt the same thing, you'll get there eventually. Though they may be right, and you will make it, if you keep pushing towards it... how are you supposed to believe them when they say "I know how that feels" or "I've been there" when every situation is so different. You can't follow their steps because their dream isn't your dream. It's nice to know you aren't the only one struggling, but knowing that doesn't always fix the problem. It takes perseverance, and strength. You have to be self motivated, and able to stay driven despite the many trials thrown your way. There are moments when you have to believe in yourself, and throw everyone else into the background. There are days when the only thing you want is someone to tell you, 'You can do this, it isn't impossible,' or 'I am so proud of you.' Because those of us who dream of the impossible know that it doesn't happen in just one day. It takes a lot of effort, and there are so many steps to climb before you even get amongst the stars. Standing at the bottom looking up is terrifying. Often times you can't see the end, it's just a picture in your head. You hope you've chosen the right staircase, and the right shoes for that long climb ahead. First goes the right foot, and then the left. Step by step you climb higher and higher, soon you can't see the bottom and you still can't see the top. It gets hard, and you get tired. It's when you sit down in tears and the impossible really does seem just that. Impossible. When you reach that point of exhaustion; When you can't fight the voices in your head telling you, "you can't." When your support group leaves, and the day turns to night, you have to make a choice. You have to decide whether to get up, and keep going despite the tears streaming down your face and the bruises on your feet, or pull the I quit handle to your left, and slide down to the bottom of the staircase. You have to choose if giving up on everything, dealing with the I told your so's, and living with your what-if's and regret is easier... Or is that dream in your eyes worth everything you've already been through. That curious feeling that alights in your heart when you picture yourself at the top, smiling, and the pride you feel for yourself when you finally reach the impossible.

The choice is ultimately yours, and if it is important enough to you, there will be a window somewhere in that room of confusion. You just have to keep searching, and watching for the glimmer of glass, and a slight of air passing through the cracked window frame. Pull it open, and hop through. If you keep going, and trust in yourself, you'll find your staircase, you'll be able to start the climb, and you will make it to the top.