Humdrums and Excuses

I really need to update this blog, and my family blog... but I don't really have time or motivation to go full scale blog postal today...

So you get a brief explanation:

*My baby girl is almost out of the "newborn" stage and it's making me upset. She will be 3 months as of August 1st.

*Aaron got a dog. I pretty much hate life at the moment.

*This summer has been amazing! We have done a ton of blog worthy things... I'm just lazy, and prefer to watch my baby sleeping.

*Aaron and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary by going to the Bountiful temple to be sealed for time and all eternity. I am so happy we waited for our first year to be sealed, rather than following the Utah norm and getting sealed on our actual wedding day. The ceremony meant more to me, and we were able to have our baby girl there with us! (We initially waited because I didn't feel like my testimony was what it needed to be. After a long conversation together, and talking with a few people, we decided to do a civil ceremony and work towards a sealing on our 1 year anniversary. Best. Decision. Ever.)

*I am in the market for an eternity band. Again, I wanted to wait to get the "wedding" band until we were actually an eternal married couple. Odd, yes... but I don't know that I've ever followed the norm when it comes to things like this. If anyone has any suggestions as far as jewelers, or an awesome band that will go with a princess cut solitaire diamond... please, send the suggestions my way!

*My Johanna is going on a mission. We are waiting for her call to arrive... but I am so excited, and so proud! She will be phenomenal as a sister missionary!

*Aaron and I have started a budget so as to better save money for building a home. We have been looking at homes for the past 6 months, but have decided that unless an awesome deal appears... we would rather build. We can build our dream home for 174-184,000 so why not just build, right?

I think that about covers our life at the moment... Yay us!

Gearing Up For The Blues.

As I am in my last days of being pregnant (The eviction notice has been given. This baby has until Tuesday morning to come on her own.) I am trying to gear up for the Post Pregnancy Blues that hit every woman after becoming a new mother. I've seen my own mother deal with Postpartum, and with her two most difficult pregnancies I watched her hit a severe downward spiral. I don't want to experience that, and I definitely don't want to put Aaron or our marriage through that. SO! I have been doing research on the After Baby Blues, and how to handle it. I've asked the mom's I know how they dealt with it, how their husbands dealt with it, and what I can do to prepare for it.

Now I am asking the blogging world, how did you deal with postpartum, and what do you suggest?

Bear Creek...

This is a post I would normally post on my music blog... but I love Brandi enough to put her on the blog with the higher following. :) Please enjoy!!









Super excited for Studio album #4 -- Coming June 5th.

Here is the track list:
1 - Hard Way Home
2 - Raise Hell
3 - Save Part Of Yourself
4 - That Wasn't Me
5 - Keep Your Heart Young
6 - 100
7 - A Promise To Keep
8 - I'll Still Be There
9 - What Did I Ever Come Here For
10 - Heart's Content
11 - Rise Again
12 - In The Morrow
13 - Just Kids

--I will always love me some Brandi Carlile!!

Have You Seen This?

This adorable couple has been married for 62 years, and are still very much in love. They are so cute to watch!



And here is their encore performance! There are 7 videos, but all are worth a watch!








They were interviewed after their video went viral on youtube. Here is the interview!

Writers Block...

There I was: sitting in a hard chair facing my computer with a new page on the screen and that damned curser blinking at me. I had the opening paragraph all mapped out in my head before I sat down. It's the reason I sat down in the first place. I typed the first sentence, then the second, and made it halfway through the third before I slammed my finger down on the delete button. It just didn't sound right. A second attempt lead to a third, and finally a sentence I could stand spread out across the page.

One sentence.

That's all I managed before writers block set in.

So, it's time for a break... Well, sort of. I need to flush out the reason behind the writers block, and where better than right here. On the internet. :)

I have writers block because: I am a perfectionist, and I have a hard time understanding that it's okay to write several different drafts of the same story. It doesn't have to be right the first time. I need to get the whole story out, then I can go back and tweak it. The perfect line will come to me as I work. To quote Picasso: "Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working."

I feel I can't do this project because: I am afraid of failure. In my mind, I have a lot riding on this book. It is my best shot at fulfilling a life goal of making it to the New York Times Bestseller list. That's a lot of pressure for one little book.

I'm afraid of this process because: I know it may never go anywhere. It is easier to imagine potential, than to face failure. Also, if I am not careful... I could face a lawsuit -- there are a lot of 'sue' happy people out there. It's an easy way to get money. That is money that Aaron and I can't afford to lose.

I doing this because: If I don't, I know I'll regret it. I'll never be able to shake the 'what if' factor. How can I look my baby girl in the face and tell her to go for her dreams if I am too afraid to reach for mine.

Alright, now that I have my priorities in order... it's back to writing, and I think I know just how to start this time.

Wish me luck!

Obituary

Celeste's Obituary: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/saltlaketribune/obituary.aspx?n=celeste-nichole-poll&pid=156931070&fhid=4550

Peace Be With You

I don't know how many of you know Celeste Nichole Poll, but trust me when I say she was an angel! I knew her older sisters better than I knew her, but I can tell you honestly she touched everyone she met. No matter how briefly. She was diagnosed with Non-Hogdkin Lymphoma last summer. If you want the whole story, the blog about it is here: http://www.celestepoll.blogspot.com/ -- I've been following it for some time, her persistent strength was incredible. After becoming friends with the two oldest Poll girls, you couldn't help but love all of that family! Celeste was always smiling, and laughing, and oh my gosh her hair!!! Always such a beautiful girl! A sweet testimony, and an incredible ability to fill a room with her infectious smile. I remember watching her during a singles ward after sacrament munch and mingle. She had brought a boy to the church. You could literally feel the joy, and happiness she was feeling. Her testimony gave you shivers, and you just knew that she did not doubt the love she felt from her Savior. She loved the gospel, and truly had a faith that was astounding for someone so young. I remember another time coming over to the Poll house to help the girls "Shuck" peas. We watched Pride and Prejudice while we worked. All the girls were so happy to help their mom. There were pictures of the family E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.  That was the most unified family I think I had ever met. When Celeste was diagnosed with her cancer it hit everyone in that family, and they all banded together like never before. It was a bitter-sweet time for them. Katie was just newly married, and Shaleece was just about to be married, and Heather was in Alaska. But their facebook's all exploded with a plea for support and prayers. The blog was put up, and the music group Celeste was a part of started putting together a benefit concert for her. (She was a student at USU.) There have been quite a few up's and down's in this battle, but in the end God must have had a higher purpose for her! His need to have her home was greater than the need and want for her here on this earth. Though I know one of the greatest blessings of this gospel is knowing families are eternal, and we will see our loved ones on the other-side... it still hurts. The pain of losing someone is very real. So, I ask my readers to please send up a prayer for Celeste's family, and friends. I ask that we all pray that they might find peace, and that they are able to find the closure they all need at this time.

Father, I know you are all knowing. I know that you always have your reasons, even though we may not understand what they are, or like it... I know that you are always looking out for us. I know that each and every one of us is precious to you. You heart aches when we do wrong and pull away just as loudly as it sings when we find you, and praise you, and follow your counsel. Lord, you give us these trials, and tests to teach us and help us grow. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes they push us to do better, to be better. But when those of us down here on earth lose someone so young, so something so devastating...I think we all need a little peace and comfort. So Father, I ask that you will be with those of us who are hurting for Celeste. I pray that we will all remember the joy that is life and living. I ask also Father that you will be with those who have lost more than one love to cancer, or early death for whatever reason. I pray that one day all of your children will have the comfort of knowing your plan of happiness. I pray that every soul will feel the joy that is knowing we will see our loved ones again. Lord, we have to trust that this was your plan. That you needed Celeste with you. We also have to trust that you know what you are doing when things like this happen. I praise you Lord, in your all-knowing love for us. I know that we will all be okay, and I cannot thank you enough for the blessing of knowing that families are forever. Father, we Love you! This I pray in Jesus name, Amen.


Celeste Nicole Poll: April 13, 1989 - April 9, 2012

Taming The Fire...

But I am a wild child. I am, and always have been full of fire, and passion, and raw emotion. I speak without thinking, and I act without pause. I find something I believe in and jump in head first. I love fiercely. I live in my own little world. I paint a dramatic facade to keep people at a distance, and I love secrets. I dream big, aim high, and enjoy pretending the impossible isn't so far away. I firmly believe I have a specific purpose in this life, that I was uniquely designed for. Don't burst my bubble. I am who I am, and I'm not going to change. I can't be tamed, it's a lesson everyone in my life has learned. I met a man who loves me as my wild self, and never moved to "tame" me. I just wish the world would stop telling me to tone it down. The only thing that does is ignite my temper.

Courage From Within...

So, I finally sat down to write my book. I have my opening line. Want a peek?

--- 'I found him.' ---

Killer, right?

I know! When I stumbled across the facebook page for the man who's greed and selfish action nearly got me killed, and could have killed my brother as well... I knew I had found my opening line. I also know how I want to end the book. :) I ran it past Aaron last night when he came home from work. He thought it was pretty good too.

I am excited, and nervous about it all. I know it's something I have wanted to do for a long time... but I have this secret fear that it is going to suck. I suppose that is a good thing though. It will keep me humble, and hold my expectations at a real level when I finally get this ready to send out to editors and publishing companies. I'm just one of the lucky few who have a support system behind them, no matter what happens. I know that if this endeavor doesn't go anywhere, it will be okay. I have to at least try, right?

 But I'll let you in on a secret...

If this book does take off like I like to pretend it will, the first thing I will do with the money is buy Aaron his dream car. (Or truck, depending on how much I make...) It is the least I can do after all he has done for me. In all honesty, he is one of the biggest reasons I have even been brave enough to sit down and type the beginning paragraphs. He keeps telling me I'll never know if I could have made it to the New York Times list if I don't first put my words on the page.

This is for my family. For the chance that my words might give someone else hope. And for the people who saved my life. I owe it to all of them.

Wish me luck!

Waddle, Baby, Waddle!!

There is nothing quite as amusing as watching a 9 month pregnant lady waddle as quickly as she can to the pee room. It's down right hilarious and laughing at myself while attempting to "run" doesn't help me hold in my water as I try and make it in time! (Blast my husband and his funny ways!)

I am so happy I married this man! :D

P.S. Baby D. finally dropped.
This means:
1: I can breathe again!
2: When paired with the grossness that is an m-plug sliding out -- Baby should be here within the next 2 or so weeks! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
3: I really need to finish packing my hospital bag. (But we finally installed the carseat! Woohoo! Progress!)

Year 24...

I. Hate. My. Birthday.
It's never been my favorite day. 
I have a grand husband, whom I know is going to try to make this year special. 
I will do my best to have a good attitude...

 ---

 My expectations will remain low.

The Stories

If you and I aren't friends on facebook, you probably aren't aware of the stories that have been happening over the last 5 months. Well... It goes like this: I am pregnant, that means I have no personal bubble -- apparently. In having my bubble popped people have started to approach me and give me unwanted advice, inform me I am too young to be having a child, and various other things. Most are hilarious. Some are just plain odd. Others are flat out unwanted. In posting the stories of these pregnancy run-ins, I have also taken to noticing and documenting the interactions I see in every day life. From the dancing man on the street corner, to crazy customers that come into my dad's store. The status update stories have become a hit! I have received so many messages, and comments about these stories. It makes me happy to know I can give people a laugh every now and again. I know I am not the only one who has these sort of interactions, but I seem to be one of the few with a big mouth! :) Goodness I love life!

It's The End Of The World As We Know It...

It is official. Aaron and I are moving to Grantsville. We are scheduled to have all contracts signed March 20th. However, we are putting in new carpet/flooring first... so we will still be in the apartment for an extra week or two. We gave our 60 day notice to the complex, and you'll never guess our official "Last Day" with the apartment... April 23rd. Yes, that is Baby D's due date. So, my 8th and 9th months of pregnancy will be spent moving and getting settled into a new location, saying goodbye to Aaron's and my "first home," and getting ready to welcome a new addition to our family of two! Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it! Wish us luck!

God Bless The Child

Does this darkness have a name? 

This cruelty, this hatred. 

How did it find us? 

Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek out and embrace it? 

What happened to us? 

That we now send our children into the world,

 like we send young men to war... 

Hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some will be lost along the way. 

When did we lose our way? 

Consumed by our shadows.

Swallowed whole by the shadows. 

... Does this darkness have a name? 

--OTH--

Word To The Wise...

Things you should NEVER say to a pregnant woman...
--Especially a smart-ass/sarcastic one.

* WOAH!! Your butt, boobs, and belly are HUGE!!
-- I know right! I'm catching up to you!

* Are you pregnant?
-- Nope, I'm just fat and oddly shaped.

* Rub butter or crisco on your belly to prevent stretch marks.
-- Um... I think you are thinking of a different kind of 'bun in the oven.'

* Just wait until labor. You'll never get your hips back. I tore, bad. 12 stitches!
-- Should have used more crisco. I hear it prevents sticking...

* The [..insert place here..] has an excellent gym/workout program. The [..Insert random diet here..] works wonders too!
-- Thanks, but I think I'll stick with my weight loss program. It's called Labor and Delivery.

* Maybe you should hold off on the fries... you're baby doesn't need anything else to eat. You look like you are going to pop!
-- Lady, try and take my fries away from me, and you'll pull back a bloody stump!

* You look a little young to be pregnant?
-- Just doing my part to keep Utah in the top 10% for teen pregnancy.

* You're going to get your GED right? Give your baby a somewhat of a decent example.
-- Is that what you did?

* Isn't pregnancy just 'Magical?'
-- Nope. Oh, by the way Disney called, they want their phrase back...

* So, how did this happen?
-- Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much...

* Is it the same father as the other one?
-- You know, I never thought to check...
(Side note: the person meant my 3 year old baby brother who is sometimes with me...)

Mama Bird Meets A Budget...

My dad says I've hit the nesting stages of pregnancy...

I like to think I am just learning ways to save money, while providing cute clothing accessories for this baby girl!

Example: I am borderline obsessed with baby shoes, and hats.

 -- So I am learning to crochet, as the price of yarn and such is usually around $5.00.

Thus saving me lots of monies that otherwise would be spent on shoes, and little baby hats from a retail store. It also gives me something to do while Aaron is at work all day!

Here is one of my methods of learning.

You Tube Videos...

Chunky Style Baby Hat:


Basic Crochet Baby Blanket:


Basic Crochet Flowers:




Mary Jane Baby Slippers:


...And my Grandma Gus. She has always been a phenomenal seamstress! I figure if anyone will know how to read a pattern, and be able to teach me -- she will.

Hoarders Express...

Oh. My. Epicness. Of. Gross!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone knows about the show 'Hoarders' on TLC right? Well, last night Aaron and I sat down and actually watched a full episode of it. I wanted to vomit. Aaron went pale. It was all we could do to not run out of the living room screaming and crying. I had seen glimpses of the show before, but never actually taken the time to sit down and watch a full 1 hr episode, as Althea (My mother's mother...) is a known hoarder. One family was on the brink of losing their 3 kids, the mother was a compulsive shopper, and the dad couldn't let stuff go. The other family was a lady who horded food, and "Hated wasting things." She also didn't believe in the expiration dates. "Well, if it isn't puffy, and it doesn't smell terrible I figure it's still good. What's going to happen to sour cream, it is going to go sour!? You know... Haha!"  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?!? Oh, you should have seen the way Aaron and I would cringe as they cleaned out these homes.

Praise the Lord! I married a clean freak.

We live in a tiny shoe-box apartment so that we can manage rent, pay off loans, and save money to buy a house. Organization is key.

Aaron married an avid organizer.

Brilliant combination!

After the show was over, and we had regained control over our speech capabilities we promptly thanked one another for not being anything like the two families we had just watched empty out their "Dirty Laundry." We were then able to talk about the way we would like to have our home organized, and the de-cluttering process we knew would be coming up when we move. (Hopefully in the next few months.) Thank heavens neither of us has issues with throwing out items we don't use, or need, and we seem to balance out the other's failings in the home cleanliness areas. Example: Aaron get's overwhelmed with papers, and things on the table, so he will just pile them on the counter, or throw them out. I have learned to keep all bill statements and receipts for at least 30 days, and I hate having counter space bogged up with papers and nonsense clutter. We've already talked about the need for a filing cabinet so we are both able to function, but right now we haven't the room for it, so we have delegated one counter corner as our temporary Filing space. Drives us both mad, but it's the best we can do with the circumstances we have been given. However, because Aaron hates having the table cluttered we often go through and throw away old papers, coupons, random items we pick up and have no place for -- where I keep receipts and bill statements, we have been saved several hundred dollars from creditors who have tried to bill us twice, or claim 'unpaid' items and jack up interest amounts. Win/win.

As I do have a few 'hoarders' in the family, I have always tried to be aware of those habits, and make sure those tendencies are not carried over into my own life style. Where Aaron works with truckers, who are notorious hoarders, he too watches himself as he doesn't want to carry those habits either. One day I will take him to a particular family member's house, and record his reaction. Then send it to America's funniest home videos, because that man had some classic facial expressions while watching that show!

Murder She Wrote...

If a remedy for our neighbors ridiculous alarm isn't found soon, I am going to go postal and commit murder. Their alarm clock is on my hit list! These two women who live above us are among the most annoying of sorts! They stomp everywhere they go, never leave their apartment, and are incredibly rude/inconsiderate/abnoxious... etc! AND THEY SMOKE INSIDE THEIR APARTMENT!!! Well, they used to. I still catch moments here and there, but ever since tub-a-lub was carted to the hospital the smoking inside has decreased, now it's just outside as I come and go that I have to hold my breath. I can't tell if #2 smokes or not, as she is rarely ever seen. Anyway... their alarm. It goes off at 7:22am every morning. (What the random right!?) and doesn't stop until 9:30-9:45ish. That is 2 hours of the worlds most obnoxious sound. It fills our apartment, and even permeates the air outside. It's starting to give me a complex, as well as migraines, and puts stress on the baby. Not exactly the ingredients needed to make a happy Jess. Aaron is exhausted all the time, as he doesn't get off work until midnight, and rarely gets home before 12:30am. We usually get to bed around 1-1:30am. 5 hours a sleep, with 12 hours of hard labor is not very healthy and it's starting to show. I typed up a note I am going to put on their door tonight when I get home, as well as complain to management. Though I am not sure what they can do. It wouldn't bother me so much if they turned off the alarm within a reasonable amount of time, but they don't. I can hear them moving. I can hear their water running, and their kitchen being used. I know they are up. Yet they let that stupid noise box continue to interrupt our mornings. I don't know what their deal is, but if this continues... I may just pull out a box of pregnant lady ass kicking!