Flash Me Back

I realized last night I was sort of torturing myself by watching shows like House, and Grey's Anatomy. There are still things from my hospital experience that haunt my dreams. I woke up crying last night after I re-lived suffocating. I know what caused it. I watched a tracheotomy in both shows. Suffocation is my worst fear. I've experienced it too many times to not be terrified of it. When you have a trache, it doesn't necessarily stop the suffocation. When the trache becomes blocked they do what they call suction. It hurts like Hell. They place a small suction tube down the trache, into the lungs to suction out whatever it is blocking the airway. What happens is they suction, and it immediately removes all of the air from your lungs, and you have to cough to try and inflate your lungs again while they make it impossible. I dreaded suction, but there were times when it was the only way I was going to be able to get air to my lungs again. It almost wasn't worth the pain, and fear, and the struggle. The hardest part was watching the people in my room have to watch my entire chest cave in, and the tears stream down my face while I fought for air. But I had to try. I always wake up crying, after awakening myself by screaming in my head to breathe because I was still needed here. There are times when I feel a little down on myself because I am still trying to move past these nightmares, flashbacks, whatever you want to call them. It has been just over 3 years, and I still struggle to accept everything that was experienced. Not just by me, but by everyone around me as well. Aaron constantly reminds me that in time, and with a little patience and faith, it will get easier.

Since I have been married the nightmares have become less of a threat, and have even slowed down. I wake up and I see Aaron's face. I no longer have to sit and breath slowly for however long and tell myself that it is over. That I had amazing doctors, and nurses that saved my life more than once in those four weeks. Now all I have to do is reach over and lay my hand on Aaron's chest, and I am able to relax, lay down, and go back to sleep. His slow even breathing, and steady heartbeat never fails to calm me. To know that when, and/or if anything happens he will be right next to me holding my hand telling me everything will be alright.

God blessed me with a wonderful, loving, man who has a golden heart and the uncanny ability to be exactly what I need in every way. And I could not be more grateful for him!

Autumn Kissed

All day, all I have wanted is to go on a drive up an Autumn kissed canyon. To park. To walk around the fire trees, and drink in the beautiful color that encompasses me -- while I breathe in the cool air and feel invigorated once again.

Autumn...
The season of the artist.

My favorite season.
How I wish it stayed just a bit longer,
But then,
We probably wouldn't appreciate it as much. . .

Such is the way we are.
Frivolous.
Always wanting what we can't have...

So, we wait. . .

Wait. . .

and Wait. . .

For that one magic day in September when the first leaf begins the change...
And the color slowly moves in...
Starting in the mountains, and cascading down to the valleys...

Oh, to be a part of the movement...


The song of choice for this color adventure of mine? It could only be...
Pink Martini - Hang On Little Tomato


Paired With...
Sweet Pea - Amos Lee




And...
Pink Martini - Song Of The Black Swan

Mopar girl meets Ford Focus

I never thought I would ever say I enjoy a Ford. Me, the Mopar [Chrystler, Jeep, Dodge] girl driving around a white 2006 Ford Focus ZX4 SE. Yes, that is right. I now own a Ford Focus. Aaron got it for me. I hate my Chevy, and Aaron hates trying to fix my Chevy... so he got me a Ford.

Isn't it cute?

Computer At Last!

I cannot express to you the joy I received when Aaron announced that our computer was not only up and running, but we had INTERNET!!!! I literally squealed and did a happy dance in our living room! I began listing things I wouldn't have to try and do through my tiny screen anymore: * No more trying to blog - Oh my lordy, trying to type a blog post using a mini screen that constantly moves, so you have no idea what you are typing, and can't check to make sure you aren't missing words or creating new words... oober frustrating! * Trying to type up our paragraph for the Durrant Family Newsletter... took Aaron and I two hours. Emails are a royal pain in the arse! * Facebook. There is only so much you can do with the Facebook mobile app. Now don't get me wrong, I have been super grateful for the ability to still use the internet and such. That phone is very handy, and I love it! (Although I still have no idea how I manage to take screen captures all the time... or open certain applications that I didn't know I had, or what their purpose is...) It is just so much easier to see what you are typing, with access to spell check, and have the ability to function a website fully. Though, two days later... tragedy struck. Our computer crashed. So, yesterday we took our hard drive back to Best Buy and got a new one. (Thank goodness for warranty!) Last night, my dear husband re-installed everything! Thus, the glory of being able to type this odd little post via wireless keyboard, a full 19" screen, and quest wireless internet! Happy day! P.S. I am finally able to finish setting up the not-so-unique family blog for Aaron and I. I will post the link once it is done!

Holy Goodness!

As I was fiddling about on my blog I happened upon my page views. I was astonished at the number of views! 7022. That was simply jaw dropping for me! I never would have dreamed my little spot in cyberland would be seen by more than 5 people, and maybe one view for each blog. I write for me. I know me well enough to know I am far too blunt for some, if not most. I think my favorite and more amusing viewer update was learning, my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend seems to read my blog. (Hello Jillian, I hope all is well!) I wonder why that is. aha! Anyway... I have been contemplating the wonder that is being wealthy, and being able to retire early. Saying good-bye to Aaron 4 out of 7 mornings each week is getting rather depressing. Especially since my car is still dead and parked at the shop. So I get to play at the apartment most days. It is nice knowing Aaron works the same schedule every week. We have every weekend together. We are able get out and play with family and friends, or just hang out together doing our own thing. It has all bee. Very nice! I think my favorite outings have been the fishing trips and the drive-in movies! P.S. It is a Red Tree year, so be prepared to go to Temple Square with me at least five times this year. I will suggest it every weekend starting December 1st. :-)

Just Call Me Sadie

Can you name the movie my title came from?

Well, I figured while I get the A-Typical married blog all set up I will update my blog on the wedding. In short, it was a royal pain in the ass!! 5 days before the wedding my car died. (It is still parked at Prime, next to my motorcycle.) 2 days before the wedding my mom bailed out, Saying I was a selfish Bitch and my wedding wasn't all about me. Also that Eva was frustrated with me, and I shouldn't be so demanding. All I said was I didn't want a penis cake at my bachelorette party... oh, and Aaron and I had ordered an ice cream cake because we don't particularly enjoy cake. (All that drama over cake. Ridiculous. But, She was right about one thing, my wedding wasn't all about me because it wasn't just my wedding. It was Aaron's too. So we made decisions together. Heaven forbid.) Anyway... after my mom bailed out of the wedding I called Eva to make sure things were okay with her. She was fine, and didn't care if Aaron and I had an ice cream cake because it was our wedding. She also let me know if she had been frustrated she would have told me. So, with that settled, I went to my dad and talked with him. He said he would make sure my mom didn't cancel the food order from Costco, and he would help pick it up. The day before the wedding I had my Maid Of Honor-Johanna with me, and Tasha Kay. They came along g for the dress fitting and hung out with Aaron and I for the rest of the day! That night we joined Brooke, Sunnie, and Jennifer back at the apartment for a small get together while Aaron put our table together in the kitchen. We had Jenn and Jo sleep over in the living room so I would have help in the morning. Well, the morning arrived and as I was in the shower, Aaron explained to my girls I had to eat during the day or I would be cranky. I was already cranky. We had found out at 1am that night my mother had bought a shirt for the wedding, was coming and wanted Jo and I to come over for breakfast. We opted to not. We had too much to do. Well, with all that lovely stress, I lost it. I started having heart pains during the night, but brushed them off. Bad idea. While I was in the shower my  heart gave a wicked twist, skipped a few beats, and I just started sobbing. I shut off the water, got a towel and walked right out to Aaron. Who at first didn't quite know how to react with me in a towel... but, he recovered and just pulled me into a hug, and calmed me down.  He left to finish a few last minute details like picking up and setting up tables and chairs. I pulled myself together and got ready for the day. Jenn drove me to Sunnie who helped me with my hair. However... at Redwood intersection of 4100so. and Redwood Rd there was an accident. A white mini van driven by an illegal immigrant with no insurance had hit a cop on a motorcycle. She hit him so hard it totaled the van, knocked the cop out of his boots, shot him 60ft in the air and 20ft out. You could still hear him screaming in the gutter when I got to the salon. Needless to say, traffic was a nightmare. It got even better when I learned Aaron had come back to the apartment while I was with Sunnie, Jo had left the apartment, and it was now locked. My keys were inside. I had to call Aaron, and wait for him to unlock the door so Jo and I could get my dress put together. Anyway... we were running late. Classic right? Late to your own wedding... but we were late for helping set up... Until we realized there was traffic all the way down 9th east. We spent 45 minutes trying to get from 4500 so to 6200so... doesn't normally take that long. Hahaha! In the end it went alright. We lined up and attempted to walk without laughing too hard. Miranda and Emma had started the walk, but rather than follow the words of everyone and walk to my mom at the front, they sort of wandered. Ryan cracked a joke, and we all started to snicker. It was so fitting. The rest of the evening proceeded to be unpredictable, and quite memorable. Though we still have yet to get our wedding pictures back... we had two photographers. Both talented men, and we are infinitely grateful for offering your services! My daddy teared up as he explained the choice for the song we danced to. My dad wrote the song. It was a song I used to fall asleep to as a child. I would stay up as long as my eyes would let me and listen to him write this song. The older I get, the more I understand the song, 'The Road' which you can actually get on itunes. (The road - The M-AK) It was just a fun evening! Aaron and I left a bit early. We were both exhausted, and just ready to leave. We ran through a a bridge of sparklers to a very decorated truck, and parted ways with our guests. At the apartment we received another surprise. Jenn had made a path of rose petals and candles that led from our front door to our bed. I literally laughed, right out loud. I couldn't help it. It was just too picturesque, and I was so flattered at her attempt to make at least one thing about us. Aaron carried me across the thresh-hold in true Aaron/gentlemanly style. Together we blew out the candles, cleaned up the petals and changed our clothes. We had friends coming over. We spent the rest of the evening with friends, and then sleeping. Yes. Sleeping. No sex. Just sleeping. The weekend followed suit. We left the city on Sunday and went up to Petes Hole for a few days. Which were lovely and exactly what I wanted! This first month has been fantastic! Being married to Aaron feels so natural. Which has been a blessing, as real life hit us kind of hard the weeks before and after our wedding. But Aaron is unbelievable! He knows how I work, and he just understands what I need without my saying anything! We have been living true to newlywed style. Flat broke. Hahaha! Which I am truly grateful for! I never wanted to be given the easy life when I first started out. We have been blessed to be able to make ends meet, and not having over-drawn bank accounts. But it is a matter of serious budget work, and learning to trust and lean on one another. We have constantly remind ourselves that we have more than others, and family that has been working above and beyond to help us out! I am so excited to see what happens with our next billion months together!

Ordinary Diamonds

Song list for today:
* The Bird And The Worm - The Used
* Ordinary - Train
* Run - Rosie Thomas
* We Did Nothing Wrong - Royal Bliss
* We Cry - The Script
* Her Diamonds - Rob Thomas
* All In All - Lifehouse
* The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson
* The Motions - Matthew West
* Johnny And June - Heidi Newfield

High Fives and Screaming Headaches

You know ... if my kids ever ask to elope I am going to say YES!!! GO!!! Gah! There are so many people who's faces I'd LOVE to high five!

9 June 2011 - Thursday

Aaron proposed today! We hiked to Bridal Veil Falls, he took my hand and said "Jess, together there isn't anything we can't accomplish. Will you marry me?" Right as I said yes the water started to spill over onto us. It was almost like it had been timed. I naturally was oblivious. We had been to Bridal Veil once before. It was the day I met his dad last fall. But as he took my hand and finished the word accomplish he got down on one knee. 'Oh dear' fell out of my mouth as he was kneeling. Both of us smiling like idiots. Yes, I said yes... we all knew I would... but now it is official. Aaron and I are engaged!

That face, that face, that loveable face!

Oh if only I could count the ways I love my Aaron and his handsome face ...

Return of the Killer Infection!

So, for those that don't already know, I spent my Saturday morning in the ER at Inter-mountain Medical Center. My afternoon was spent under anesthesia at the oral surgeons office. My evening and night were spent with Aaron.
It is funny when you think about the timing of it all... June 4th was the day I was finally released from ICU in 2008 for this same infection...
Anyway, here is the story... Friday morning I woke up to my jaw in serious pain. The top right and lower left sides were throbbing and felt a little swollen. It didn't alarm me much as this had happened in May. I simply overdosed on Vitamin C and pain killer/anti-inflamatory meds and it went away. Though this time I didn't have that much luck. After a 10 hour shift at AFCU, Aaron and I made our way to my parents house to have dinner and celebrate Leesa's 18th birthday. Leesa noticed my jaw was swollen but I blew it off. Telling her I was fine and that it would go away. As Aaron and I arrived back at his grandparents house he again asked me if I was okay. I said I was. He wasn't terribly convinced. He suggested we cancel going shooting and we just take it easy insead. I begged him not to. I really wanted to go. We were going to have some of my family come with us, and I really just did not want to cancel. He made me promise that if I didn't feel better in the morning we would cancel the trip. As I drove home I had this sick feeling in my stomach. For some reason I did not feel right about leaving Aaron. Afraid something would happen to him I began to pray quite earnestly for his well being. As I arrived in the driveway I began to feel a little off kilter. I credited it to being overly tired and proceeded down the stairs to my room. I sent Aaron a text letting him know my worry and expressing my concern at the way I was feeling. He made me promise if I still felt that way in the morning I would seek medical help. I agreed to it. It wasn't two hours later I sent him and Sunnie a text message saying I thought I needed medical help. I had awoken to a serious pain and I could feel my cheek had increased in swelling. Sunnie came downstairs and was mid-sentence when she got a good look at me and said wooow!!! Jess I can smell the infection smell again. I said I know, I can taste it. I had been looking up dentist offices trying to find one that would be open on a Saturday. Sunnie asked if I was crazy, and did I remember what happened the last time I had tried to wait... so at 3am we picked an ER and called Aaron. He asked me to call him back once we were at the hospital and he would meet us there. An hour later, when we were settled into room 31, I called Aaron. He didn't answer and I didn't have the heart to wake him. It would be awhile before anything happened. I swear there is a mandatory two hour wait for an er doctor to see you. No matter how many or few are in the er... I began telling the nurse and Doctor that I knew what was causing it. I had been through this before. I had the scars to prove it. The man just kind of blew my information off. After another 2 hours, a CT scan, and allergic reaction to IV meds later... he came in all raring to go. He'd read some of my medical history and it seemed to light a fire under his ass. He asked for the names if my previous surgeons. I rolled them off... Garner Meads inserted the treacherous and the first drain from my jaw at Altar View. After being lifelighted to LDS I was under the care of Dr. Pearl who was over the ICU. Dr. Sharma took over care of the treach and added another few drains in my throat. Dr. Michael Collins was my thoracic surgeon. He inserted lung tubes and performed the heart surgery. Mr. IMC-ER doctor called and woke up the oral surgeon who rushed over. In the hour it took for him to arrive, I received a priesthood blessing from Darin and Daeson. Aaron called, and was on his way when the oral surgeon arrived introduced himself and left to view the CT scan. Sunnie left for work at 8:30am as soon as Aaron was seated by my side. A nurse came in and said Dr. Christensen had prescribed an anti-inflamatory. The moment that drug hit my veins my entire body burst into flames. It felt like pins and needles were stabbing my insides trying to get out. The nurse left to get benadryl immediately. Dr. Christensen came in to see for himself what was happening. He also said that instead of trying to book the O.R. he wanted me to go to his office to have the teeth extraction done. It would be cheaper and a lot less hassel for everyone. He made sure I had the benedryl, and ordered one final dose of a different antibiotic that was similar to penicillin, but different enough from the first antibiotic I had been allergic to. I had to sit and wait for those IV drugs to finish before I was finally allowed to leave at 10:40-ish. Aaron took me home and we took a two and a half hour nap. The oral surgery lasted only an hour and a half. I dimly remember waking up with my head in Aaron's lap as we pulled up to the house. Vaguely remember walking in past Sunnie and hitting my pillow. Aaron was able paint in the missing pieces . The nurses told him I was starting to wake up, that the surgery had gone well, and he could come see me. When he walked in the room he asked if I recognized him. I said nope, but I recognize your shirt. I was very sweet but didn't know anyone there. He informed me he was going to wait until I had awakened a little more before he brought the truck around. I knew his truck and didn't hesitate to jump in put my head in his lap and fall asleep again. I supposedly rambled but he couldn't understand much of it. I remember half waking to tell Aaron I had seen our children. We both woke up about two hours later and decided to make a trip to target, fill my prescription, and eat something. The pharmacy was closed, but we stopped at the cafe for a bite before heading to his grandparents house to pick up a few movies at my request. I also wanted to see his grams and show her the shirt she had gotten me fit perfectly! We went back to my house and watched movies, took pictures, and fell asleep. Aaron left this morning for work making me promise I would stay in bed today and tomorrow or I couldn't go see him during his lunch break. I compromised with him. I agreed to rest and lay down, but outside in the sun. He agreed and I was able to get a little sun and chat with Sunnie and Alaina on the lawn while I laid on my blanket. I was happy to see Aaron but was reminded just how quickly my body tires after medical stress and surgery. So... I am back in bed and ready for sleep. I'm sure tomorrow I will darken my tan, finish my book, and call Dr. Christensen to schedule a time to remove the stitches and the drain, and prepare to work a 5 hour shift on Tuesday.

Bring On The Color

This morning while waiting for Aaron, I took a walk around his grandparents house. I found this pretty purple flower hiding in the branches behind some shrubbery. I quite liked the picture! It also gave me an excuse to play with the camera on this phone. Not bad hmmm!?

Joined

I finally joined the wonderful world of smart phones. Best Buy has a deal for select verizon phones if you are eligible for an upgrade. So, I got the Samsung-Galaxy S for free. It's been an adjustment, but both my husband-to-be, and sister-in-law-to-be have it and love it. My only complaint is battery life, and being more high tech than I was prepared for. Haha! I do however LOVE the camera!!!

Call Me Happy Endings, but This Ain't Goodbye...

I honestly don't know how he does it. His birthday is in 3 days, and I will most likely wish him a happy one.  There will be things that will forever and ever remind me of him, and they will probably always make me smile. I've tried hating him. I've tried being apathetic towards him. I've tried erasing, ignoring, avoiding, and forgetting. It just doesn't work. I don't know how he does it, but I can't. I will forever think of and consider him a friend. I've forgiven the pain, and mistreatment. I forgave that a long time ago. I don't understand how he seems able to simply displace, and brush off the years, time, and experiences we went through together, but I can't. And I no longer want to. I have just accepted I will always love him as a friend, and as a part of my past. He will and should do as he pleases, but as for me... this is where I stand. This, it seems, is what my heart wants.



Call Me - Shinedown

Happy Endings - Mika

This Ain't Goodbye - Train

Big Hearted Pains

I have this person that I care a lot about, and I know that they are seriously hurting right now... but I don't know if I would be out of line in asking them if they are okay.

Well, I already know the answer to that, so I guess I more want to know if there is anything I can do for them, to help ease the pain.

... You know?

But... would my interfering help or harm? Would it be a bad decision? Should I just wait and see what happens?

If they wanted to talk with me, they would have contacted me... right?

Maybe I'll just ask Aaron. He'll know what to do.

181st Semi-Annual General Conference

I love General Conference! I love that it fills two days. I love that if you truly listen to the words and counsel of those who have been asked to speak, you receive answers to your questions, both asked and un-asked. Advice and and counsel that is much needed. I love the power, and comfort that comes from watching and listening to the leaders of our religion as they speak on the topics the Lord has given them. I am so grateful for the opportunity we are given to benefit from the testimonies of these great saints. (So far, my favorite has been Kent F. Richards talk!)

One thing that I have been thinking about during this first session of conference, is the Sunday worship. How do I, and the people around me view Sunday service? Do we take it as an obligation, something we have to do out of habit? Is it a negative thing we begrudgingly roll out of bed for? Something we eagerly await the end of so we can take the rest of the day and do what we want? Or do we realize it is a blessing to be able to come together and worship together? Do we benefit from the strength that comes in numbers, and the unity of so many that share our faith and belief? I know I vary between this. There are Sundays when I fight with myself. I don't want to wake up, and getting ready seems like such a hassel. More often than not, I am excited to attend the 3 hour block, and I strive to get both Aaron and I there on time. Though he works a full, and hard 12 hour shift on Saturdays, he does his very best to be up and ready in time to go. Some mornings all he is able to do is be there for sacrament, but I have never seen someone so dedicated to gaining what he can from what little he is able to attend. That example, I know, has been one of the things that has kept me mindful of the fact that it is a blessing to be able to attend sunday services. Another thing, is it is a new develpment for Aaron to be able to sit with me through all of our church services. Aaron works 3, 12-hour shifts, and 1 6-hour shift. His schedule used to be Sun-Wed, now it is, Wed-Sat. I cannot express to you how grateful I am for Sundays together with him. There is a different feeling on Sundays, and the fact that I am now able to spend the full day with him is incredibly special to me. On the Sundays when he would work, he would stay with me until 11:30. I would then go to him and spend his lunch break with him at 6pm. I don't know what it is, but there is something very special about spending Sundays with the people you love.

I am excited to listen to, and find out what the rest of the speakers have to say. To learn what it is our Father in Heaven would like us to know and focus on at this time.

HAPPY GENERAL CONFERENCE WEEKEND!!!

P.S. Does anyone else find it funny that is rains every conference weekend?

For you... anything!

A few points I want to make:

• I am now 23 years old, I have 3.5 months to my wedding day. I have always said, I would be married in year 23.
• I finally met [in person] LaTasha Kay Widdison.
• I have the worlds greatest [future] In-laws!
• My favorite, and amazing, best friend Alaina Mills has been home for almost 3 months now! I couldn't be happier and more thrilled to be able to spend as much time as possible with her!
• Most importantly, I finally have a man in my life that I can and do depend on for anything and everything! Aaron is the best man that I know! Which is a good thing as I am sealing myself to him for time and all eternity 21 July, 2011 at 8:00am at the Salt Lake City Temple!!!

Let me just gush for a moment please. It could be that I am just that annoying love-sick girl at the moment, or it may truly be that I am without a doubt happy, and secure with my life situation right now! I have a man that I love, and that loves me back. Unconditionally! He is everything I have ever wanted in a man, right down to his defined chin, height, eye color, and yes, even shoe size! He is everything, and more. He fills in the cracks I left when I pictured my perfect guy, In my journal I have a very detailed description, that is even a little fairytale-esk at bullet points, for the perfect man. -- Aaron fulfilled them, and added more. I can't tell you how grateful, and amazed I was when I re-read that list, and was able to put a check by each thing. Fairy tales aren't supposed to come true. They are supposed to be pretend, yay disney you suck... Thank putting the prince Philip image in my mind and then leaving me to face the world of un-perfect men type thing. Right...? Wrong! Aaron has his faults, don't get me wrong, but they aren't faults you normally find. At least not the ones I have dated in the past. Aaron is not a flake. He is not all talk. He is not a meat-head. He is not a liar. He doesn't take advantage of situations. He isn't lazy, judgemental, shallow. Aaron is a gentleman. He opens every door, and pays for every date we go on, ,and makes sure I am happy, and that I have what I want and feel I need while still allowing/helping me feel capable and independant. Aaron knows how to compromise with me. He gives me my freedom, but still has this ability to put his foot down, and have me respect it. I have never met anyone that could do that. Any time anyone tried, I felt smothered, and I would run the other way. I would fight back. I don't with him. Aaron defends me, without making me appear weak. I could go on forever about how wonderful he is, but we all know a great man happens because of even more amazing parents. So I have to credit a lot of Aaron's behaviors and character to his parents teaching. Ron and Eva are the most amazing people, let alone parents! All of their children are phenomenal people! I feel so blessed to be able to join and be a part of their family! I look forward to Tuesdays for Durrant family night! I love that this family takes time out of their life, and busy schedules to spend time together as a family! It truly is amazing to feel the love and harmony a family can have for and with one another! That is something I have never had, but always wanted. I am truly excited for the future!!!

Reversed Deja Vu

I am coming up on the 3 year mark to the single most frightening experience of my short life time. May 21, 2008 will forever be a day that I remember. I still dream about it, and the 4 weeks that followed it. I still wonder how people reacted, what went through their minds, and what they felt. In the moments I do remember, I know how I felt. I know how I reacted, and I know what was going through my mind. There are mornings when the dreams are so real I wake up with the taste of hospital in my mouth, and the scent of gauze still haunting me. I read something today that reminded me of the morning I finally let myself cry. The morning I finally gave myself a moment to fall into weakness, and feel the fear I'd been denying for so long. At the end of that I made a promise to myself. I chose life. I promised I would forever choose life, and no matter what happened next, I was going to survive through it all. 

"I’m in this for the long run, and even though my world is uncertain and changing, I want nothing more than to live an extraordinary life. I may be lonely, scared, and little sad at the moment, but I think that that’s alright...for now. I am being stretched constantly, and all I can do is breathe, and try to choose between what’s right and easy."

 

So far, I have. I have not only survived, but I have learned how to live! I am happy, and I am in this for the long run! I am running as fast as time will let me, and I am pushing boundaries I have never dared to push. Until now. I couldn't be more excited, and scared for what is happening, and what has yet to happen. This is a good thing! I can feel it. I am learning. I am growing. And, I am where I am supposed to be. 

No one really knows the end, or what will happen, though we may plan every detail... it's all a test of faith.

I suppose that is half the excitement. . .

Adele - 21

I know the Adele album isn't supposed to be out in the US, but I managed to get the UK release, which was released in January. It has 5 more songs than the US version will initially release, who is to say they won't release them later, but why wait...

I fell head over heels in love with this album. There are 3 songs I have kept on repeat for the past week that I've had it. Tracks 1 - Rolling In The Deep, 11(recorded)/17(acoustic) - Someone Like You, 14 - I Found A Boy. I don't know, it's... well, to be perfectly honest, this album really struck a chord with  me. I could connect with nearly every lyric in these songs. I am willing to bet it's because Adele is my age. She was born in May of 1988. She is experiencing a lot of the same things I am and have, at the same ages. That is what makes an album great, isn't it? When you can connect with a song so entirely. . . Sunnie and I had a long conversation today about it all. How funny it is that these ages the 3 of us are at really are a time for growth, love, loss, and just learning who we are. It's the same with Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson who were both born in 1979. Their music and lyrics are incredibly simliar, but they still manage to resonate with people 10 years their junior... It's just the way of life I suppose. Emotions are the same no matter what age, race, or gender. Music is a way to release those emotions.

Track by track interview by Adele

Rolling The Deep

Someone Like You

P.S. On the UK Album Adele sings a Brandi Carlile cover. Hiding My Heart. May I just tell you I about peed my pants when this song came on. It is an acoustic recording, the original song. I had a mini freak out in my car, so much so I am pretty sure I freaked out the people driving next to me. My arms waving, mouth wide open as I screamed. . . I immediately sent Sunnie a text message, as I knew she would be able to fully  understand and appreciate the magic and wonder that is ADELE singing BRANDI... Oh. My. Holy. Goodness!!!

Who cares baby, I think I wanna Marry You!

I am sooo ready for summer! I'd like to kick off these shoes, and long pants. I am ready for warm weather, bare feet in the grass, and summer dresses! Not to mention Picnics in the mountains, swings at the park, and COLOR EVERYWHERE!!! GAH, why must Utah winter drag on forever!?

(p.s. I'm also looking forward to this day...)