Find Your Happy Place...

Okay so, I was accused of something rather... erm... grotesque last night, (going for classic dramatic Jess there...) and I really don't care to specify whom it came from... therefore everyone gets a clarification.

About mid April Sunnie and I were driving through downtown Salt Lake City. We had just had a pretty rough night spiritually and we both needed a place of refuge. Together we thought of the Salt Lake Temple. Ever since then we have made it a regular thing to make a trip down there several times a week. We have made several new friends that we are able to visit regularly. The security guys who ask about our days and if we've found the proper answer to Galatians 2:3... (Sunnie I think I have...) Oliver, our adorable little German friend who still wears his wedding ring, though he has no family left here, and no hair left on his head. His accent is thick, but he so looks forward to our hello's and the small talk that always erupts in some of the most entertaining and interesting conversations. (The 'white' Moroni...) Those random people who are mental enough to wade into the reflection pool, and have security swoop down on them in a group of 3. 1 to talk to them, 2 to offer support and intimidate, and the 3rd one stands off to the side, he's usually the bigger guy, and just looks intimidating just in case someone decides to book it. The culprit always stop to say an embarrassed hello, have a good night... as we had just watched them get cornered. Security has taken to waving at us, or smiling as they walk back to their post. It's such a wonderful place to be, and as I myself happen to be an avid people watcher this place is ideal to pick up some of the most interesting and entertaining little tid-bits. Not to mention it's the banquet for the photography suckers... as Sunnie and I both are... we spend hour upon hour walking and running around the square taking all sorts of shots, and finding new perspectives. There are more than a hundred ways to look at the same thing, and never once is it the very same. It is completely captivating. I know I have said this before, but temple square is an Oasis in the middle of a rapidly declining city. Salt Lake City has become extremely temporal. This City was once dedicated to the LDS faith, and the members it encompasses. Now it is filled with stores for the worldly. Satan is rampant and I could not think of a better escape than the Lords house. Why not take refuge where he will. Temple square is my 'Happy Place' for want of a better phrase. With everything that has happened, and with all that is still happening, I needed somewhere to escape, somewhere to be left alone to think, and puzzle out everything. Things I want to do, need to do, and should do. All of it, every tiny bit of stress that plagues me is categorized and dealt with while I am wandering around in the light of the temple. I cannot handle any stress right now. It takes me out of the game we call daily life. Energy is wiped from me so completely I can't keep my body upright and balanced. My legs collapse under me, and I have to sit and preferably take a nap for about an hour or so to even be able to function properly. It is hard to understand this, as I don't know anyone who has come so near death. My daddy came pretty close a few times with his open heart surgery at the age of 13, but even he'll tell you he's never had a recovery process like mine. I don't know how to convey that to people. It's humiliating in short. I've always been able to be 'superwoman' saving everyone before bedtime. Now, I am the one that needs saving, and I won't let anyone help me, because I've never had to. I don't rely upon many people for many things, and the one person I have relied on in the past doesn't have the capacity for my baggage and his. I am perfectly fine with this. Sunnie has been unbelievable in being there, and dealing with my stubborn nature. Amy humors my energy bursts... (2am adventures... ah hahahah!) Stanley, Sunnie, and Amy have all trekked up Ensign Peak with me, gone on numerous walks, and swinging sessions, letting me rant and rave about stupid stuff that matters to not even me... as I just rant to vent the hidden frustrations I have. Temple square gives me a place to lay it all out in my mind, and put some of that stress to rest. I am able to prioritize, and re-work everything so I can deal with it and stretch out the time I am able to move about like a normal person during the day. I didn't make temple square my choice of refuge, or my 'happy place' because of one specific person. It may seem like it, because yes, it is far out of my way, but you have to remember I too am moving downtown soon, and it's worth it to me to make that trip regularly because I need it. The days when I don't go, I find it hard to walk down the 15 stairs and enter into my daily routine. For those that weren't there to experience what I was like when I first left that hospital, or who came to see me while I was in the hospital, it's hard to understand and believe everything that has happened this summer. I have changed as a person, the way I look at and react to situations is different from what it used to be. Every person I interact with has had to 'meet me' all over again. It's easier for the people who are just getting to know me, but for old friends... it's going to take work, and effort, and time for the friendship to flow as easily as it did before. But, you know... when I am at temple square, and I have found that stretch of peace, every thing is easy. Try taking a walk with me while I am there, and you'll find it's just as easy to talk to me there as it was when we were young(er...)...

Remember Orion's promise...

Jess