Do not let your fire go out. Spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-at. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours. -Ayn Rand

Fear. We all know the emotion. We have all felt the effects that fear can have. It is debilitating. It will keep you from maintaining the dreams you have painted on the walls of your bedroom. It will still your creative hand, and tear away the confidence you worked years to muster. The camera shutter stops clicking, the paint brushes lie still, the words remain unsaid... Fear will rip from you the very purpose for which you were brought here. The what-ifs, the will they like it's, and is it good enough. Sometimes, all it takes is putting a face on what you fear. When you can see what you are afraid of, it makes it easier to taking that and move forward to defeat it. To beat it. To push it into the depths of your past. You cannot move forward when weighed down, so release the baggage. Let go of the fear, and the doubts.

  Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumph, even though checkered by failure. . . than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much, nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. -Theodore Roosevelt


When we learn to love our self, and live as our self, we find happiness. Disappointments and life's little surprises simply roll off your back. Optimism comes more natural to your lips. The sky stays blue, flowers stay in constant bloom, and you begin to feel like Mary Poppins... Ah hahaha! Maybe not quite so Disney, but it is easier to endure through the hard times, and appreciate the good days. 


To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing it's best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting. -E. E. Cummings

Computer At Last!

I cannot express to you the joy I received when Aaron announced that our computer was not only up and running, but we had INTERNET!!!! I literally squealed and did a happy dance in our living room! I began listing things I wouldn't have to try and do through my tiny screen anymore: * No more trying to blog - Oh my lordy, trying to type a blog post using a mini screen that constantly moves, so you have no idea what you are typing, and can't check to make sure you aren't missing words or creating new words... oober frustrating! * Trying to type up our paragraph for the Durrant Family Newsletter... took Aaron and I two hours. Emails are a royal pain in the arse! * Facebook. There is only so much you can do with the Facebook mobile app. Now don't get me wrong, I have been super grateful for the ability to still use the internet and such. That phone is very handy, and I love it! (Although I still have no idea how I manage to take screen captures all the time... or open certain applications that I didn't know I had, or what their purpose is...) It is just so much easier to see what you are typing, with access to spell check, and have the ability to function a website fully. Though, two days later... tragedy struck. Our computer crashed. So, yesterday we took our hard drive back to Best Buy and got a new one. (Thank goodness for warranty!) Last night, my dear husband re-installed everything! Thus, the glory of being able to type this odd little post via wireless keyboard, a full 19" screen, and quest wireless internet! Happy day! P.S. I am finally able to finish setting up the not-so-unique family blog for Aaron and I. I will post the link once it is done!

God Appreciates Your Miracle!

Is it just me, or does everyone seem pregnant these days? Every time Aaron and I go to the store I swear 1 in 5 women is hugely pregnant! Not to mention Facebook has been over-run by belly and ultra sound picures. Oh, and don't forget the baby progress app that seems to be on Facebook walls, blogs, phones, and calendars. My word! No wonder so many of my friends have suddenly become baby hungry! I suppose that can also be attributed to the fact that a lot of friends also have newborns-toddlers to show off. Perhaps it is just the age I am at. Facebook makes me feel old sometimes.

Holy Goodness!

As I was fiddling about on my blog I happened upon my page views. I was astonished at the number of views! 7022. That was simply jaw dropping for me! I never would have dreamed my little spot in cyberland would be seen by more than 5 people, and maybe one view for each blog. I write for me. I know me well enough to know I am far too blunt for some, if not most. I think my favorite and more amusing viewer update was learning, my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend seems to read my blog. (Hello Jillian, I hope all is well!) I wonder why that is. aha! Anyway... I have been contemplating the wonder that is being wealthy, and being able to retire early. Saying good-bye to Aaron 4 out of 7 mornings each week is getting rather depressing. Especially since my car is still dead and parked at the shop. So I get to play at the apartment most days. It is nice knowing Aaron works the same schedule every week. We have every weekend together. We are able get out and play with family and friends, or just hang out together doing our own thing. It has all bee. Very nice! I think my favorite outings have been the fishing trips and the drive-in movies! P.S. It is a Red Tree year, so be prepared to go to Temple Square with me at least five times this year. I will suggest it every weekend starting December 1st. :-)

Just Call Me Sadie

Can you name the movie my title came from?

Well, I figured while I get the A-Typical married blog all set up I will update my blog on the wedding. In short, it was a royal pain in the ass!! 5 days before the wedding my car died. (It is still parked at Prime, next to my motorcycle.) 2 days before the wedding my mom bailed out, Saying I was a selfish Bitch and my wedding wasn't all about me. Also that Eva was frustrated with me, and I shouldn't be so demanding. All I said was I didn't want a penis cake at my bachelorette party... oh, and Aaron and I had ordered an ice cream cake because we don't particularly enjoy cake. (All that drama over cake. Ridiculous. But, She was right about one thing, my wedding wasn't all about me because it wasn't just my wedding. It was Aaron's too. So we made decisions together. Heaven forbid.) Anyway... after my mom bailed out of the wedding I called Eva to make sure things were okay with her. She was fine, and didn't care if Aaron and I had an ice cream cake because it was our wedding. She also let me know if she had been frustrated she would have told me. So, with that settled, I went to my dad and talked with him. He said he would make sure my mom didn't cancel the food order from Costco, and he would help pick it up. The day before the wedding I had my Maid Of Honor-Johanna with me, and Tasha Kay. They came along g for the dress fitting and hung out with Aaron and I for the rest of the day! That night we joined Brooke, Sunnie, and Jennifer back at the apartment for a small get together while Aaron put our table together in the kitchen. We had Jenn and Jo sleep over in the living room so I would have help in the morning. Well, the morning arrived and as I was in the shower, Aaron explained to my girls I had to eat during the day or I would be cranky. I was already cranky. We had found out at 1am that night my mother had bought a shirt for the wedding, was coming and wanted Jo and I to come over for breakfast. We opted to not. We had too much to do. Well, with all that lovely stress, I lost it. I started having heart pains during the night, but brushed them off. Bad idea. While I was in the shower my  heart gave a wicked twist, skipped a few beats, and I just started sobbing. I shut off the water, got a towel and walked right out to Aaron. Who at first didn't quite know how to react with me in a towel... but, he recovered and just pulled me into a hug, and calmed me down.  He left to finish a few last minute details like picking up and setting up tables and chairs. I pulled myself together and got ready for the day. Jenn drove me to Sunnie who helped me with my hair. However... at Redwood intersection of 4100so. and Redwood Rd there was an accident. A white mini van driven by an illegal immigrant with no insurance had hit a cop on a motorcycle. She hit him so hard it totaled the van, knocked the cop out of his boots, shot him 60ft in the air and 20ft out. You could still hear him screaming in the gutter when I got to the salon. Needless to say, traffic was a nightmare. It got even better when I learned Aaron had come back to the apartment while I was with Sunnie, Jo had left the apartment, and it was now locked. My keys were inside. I had to call Aaron, and wait for him to unlock the door so Jo and I could get my dress put together. Anyway... we were running late. Classic right? Late to your own wedding... but we were late for helping set up... Until we realized there was traffic all the way down 9th east. We spent 45 minutes trying to get from 4500 so to 6200so... doesn't normally take that long. Hahaha! In the end it went alright. We lined up and attempted to walk without laughing too hard. Miranda and Emma had started the walk, but rather than follow the words of everyone and walk to my mom at the front, they sort of wandered. Ryan cracked a joke, and we all started to snicker. It was so fitting. The rest of the evening proceeded to be unpredictable, and quite memorable. Though we still have yet to get our wedding pictures back... we had two photographers. Both talented men, and we are infinitely grateful for offering your services! My daddy teared up as he explained the choice for the song we danced to. My dad wrote the song. It was a song I used to fall asleep to as a child. I would stay up as long as my eyes would let me and listen to him write this song. The older I get, the more I understand the song, 'The Road' which you can actually get on itunes. (The road - The M-AK) It was just a fun evening! Aaron and I left a bit early. We were both exhausted, and just ready to leave. We ran through a a bridge of sparklers to a very decorated truck, and parted ways with our guests. At the apartment we received another surprise. Jenn had made a path of rose petals and candles that led from our front door to our bed. I literally laughed, right out loud. I couldn't help it. It was just too picturesque, and I was so flattered at her attempt to make at least one thing about us. Aaron carried me across the thresh-hold in true Aaron/gentlemanly style. Together we blew out the candles, cleaned up the petals and changed our clothes. We had friends coming over. We spent the rest of the evening with friends, and then sleeping. Yes. Sleeping. No sex. Just sleeping. The weekend followed suit. We left the city on Sunday and went up to Petes Hole for a few days. Which were lovely and exactly what I wanted! This first month has been fantastic! Being married to Aaron feels so natural. Which has been a blessing, as real life hit us kind of hard the weeks before and after our wedding. But Aaron is unbelievable! He knows how I work, and he just understands what I need without my saying anything! We have been living true to newlywed style. Flat broke. Hahaha! Which I am truly grateful for! I never wanted to be given the easy life when I first started out. We have been blessed to be able to make ends meet, and not having over-drawn bank accounts. But it is a matter of serious budget work, and learning to trust and lean on one another. We have constantly remind ourselves that we have more than others, and family that has been working above and beyond to help us out! I am so excited to see what happens with our next billion months together!