Ready, Set... Life!

As per my usual I am over-analyzing everything. And, as the outcome of everything is a little more than a little out of my control, I'm left waiting for life to fill me in on everything I don't know. 

...I'm not an incredibly patient person...

I blame my zodiac...

With art as my usual defense, I've decided to find the color in life to break up the gray. This is what I have found! 

Special thanks to J. Phillips for the Alpine look!

Jumping Trains

I don't believe in having regrets.

I am not afraid of change. 

I am fiercely independent, self-reliant, and head strong. 

I do what I say.

If I decide something, it happens.

I prefer to keep things casual -- No ties that bind me down.

I don't particularly like commitment, I'm too much of a free-spirit, but I won't run from it if it happens. 

So, when strings I'm not ready for suddenly appear or I start to worry about what the other person is thinking/feeling despite the fact we both knew full well everything was casual, I tend to jump off the train...

Apparently that makes me intimidating, out-of-the-ordinary, and un-catchable.

...Which I am okay with...

Grace Under Pressure

 "I thought I knew you. But I guess it's easier to see what we want than to look for the truth.You think you know me but you don't. And that means you don't know what I can do. I may not always know what I'm doing but I'll try to make things better. I can't do this alone, but if you'll take a chance on me, we can do great things together. John F. Kennedy said, "the courage of life is a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy. A man does what he must, in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures. And that is the basis of all morality".

There are those that believe I am a failure because I still live in my parents house. I don't have a state recognized job, or formal education past a high school diploma. I have to fight for the respect of peers, and often feel looked down upon because I don't seem to be on their level. To them I say, who are you to judge me? I wake every morning, and get ready for the day same as you. I work throughout the day, I am exhausted as the sun goes down, just like you. As I hit my knees each night I go through my day with my God, and I thank him for the many new things I learned in that day he gave to me. I may not be learning the how to excel in my chosen career just yet, but I am learning how to run a house, raise a family, and create an atmosphere of unity within siblings and parents. This isn't what I wanted to be doing at 22 years old, but since I am here I will make the best of it. Because I have had to wait to "move forward" in life I find I am more driven and fearless than just about anyone else I know. It is just going to take me a little longer to reach my goals than the people around me. I will not sit and let my life rush past me forever. When my time comes I will reach out and pull the world to a halt so that I might jump in and take my place. I will graduate from college, and I will succeed in the career I choose. I will be more grateful for the opportunity of school, and having control of what is happening around me. If ever I am blessed with a family of my own I will be better prepared for what it comes with. It won't be such a culture shock, and I am truly grateful for that leg up. So don't you tell me I am a failure. The only day I will accept failure is the day I say I have not learned anything.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. 

-Ambrose Redmoon

RedBull Rebel!

Mkay... Whelp, I've officially had crappy enough news, and had a hard enough time that I'm breaking the rules! I want my wings so I'm buying an overly large RedBull and I'm downing it! 

BLARGH!!!!!!!!! STICK IT TO THE MAN!

(Thank you Visi for the first photo in this set of 3. I couldn't get it right, and it just looks cooler in Russian!!!)

'Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.'

 -Abraham Lincoln

Trusting Idiot

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me -- Fool me after that and I am just a trusting idiot!

You pretend rather than believe they care about you. Time and time again you try to fool yourself into believing what is happening in your mind is real, despite the obvious facts. You pretend you are more than just a rag doll, that you are seen as a living, breathing, feeling being, deserving of respect and love. I'm sorry to say there comes a time when you  have to step up and accept that you will never be more to that person than just a tool, a stepping stool, welcome mat, rag doll... It hurts, but what hurts worse is coming to the realization that somewhere along the line of living in a pretend world justifying every foul play you came to believe your lies. You fooled yourself into thinking it was your fault, and that fighting it wasn't going to help anything so instead you laid down and let life steam roller over you. Soon you're bouncing from person to person, not being able to discern a good friend from a jerk. Eventually you stop caring, and you find yourself a filler person for someone. You find yourself getting into a "sort-of" relationship you know won't work because they are waiting for someone else, but you just don't care anymore. It's nice to finally be seen as a person, to feel needed, and wanted even for just a little while. It's worth it to you to waste your emotion on that person, to invest time, and effort, just to be seen and heard for a moment. 

That isn't a way to live! It isn't right, and it isn't fair to anyone! I am sorry to say this happens more often than it should!

There are those souls who are givers. Then there are those who are takers. Givers tend to lose their way and forget their worth. Takers rule the corporate world. 


To every person it is owed and deserved, common courtesy. 

It takes two people to have a friendship, or any kind of relationship for that matter. If one person doesn't do anything, it won't work and you need to just leave it where it is. It is a difficult thing to do, but I promise you, in the aftermath you won't be alone. You will have learned self-worth, and found someone who makes you laugh, and gives you a happiness and a peace of mind that you deserve!

Lost In A Field Of Grace

It was a beautiful day, so I took a walk. 
It was not soon before I found I was lost. 

Wandering in circles through the thicket (or so it seemed.)
I stumbled and fell, but still I pushed on.

Turning my eyes to the sky, I followed the clouds.
I was sure they knew the way for they see further than I. 
Through the thicket I pushed, and an ending I found.

To my surprise I was emptied out into a river of boulders and rocks. 
There I found a friend lost in tears of woe. 
Sitting between a rock and a hard place she cried; 
why she was left here alone.
I offered my hand and together we continued

Upon our travels we learned many new things. 

To accept what life brought us, and love without shame. 
All souls are created equal, black, white, and everything in between. 

How Do You Love A Rag Doll?

How do you love a rag doll?

You hold it, squeeze it, and drag it behind. 

You tell it your secrets, and give it a name. 

You take it along wherever you go. 

You rip it on your travels, and beat it up on the ground. 

You splash it through mud puddles, and dance in the rain. 

After many years together, your beaten, torn, and dirty rag doll is left behind --

Replaced with someone new.

Learn How To Fly

When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will learn to fly.

Barabara J. Winter

Photography, thank you's to Fra, and Jitka!

Unafraid of the Unknown

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown most of us prefer to turn around and go back...


If having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I am a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair remember it's only in the black of night that you can see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, because most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you ever wished for. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long, and in the end the journey is the destination. 

(-Whitey)

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads...

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads afraid. Confused. Without a road map. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in awhile people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone. And just beyond the courage and bravery it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because, it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are. It's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief. And beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead.
(-LS)

You can't hide from life. Eventually you have to live it.