"...that's the great thing about opinions. You have your own and they don't have to be agreed with"

With so very many things going through my head today, I've not a hint of where to begin...

Time does not exist.

Hold infinity in the palm of your hands.

It is warm...

Only the fluttering of my heart betrays the lies in that comfort...

Time passes all too quickly...

Leaving you cool in the shadow of it's uncertainty...

Trapped with butterflies in my stomach... my best friend is coming home in 2 days. He's been in DC all summer thanks to an internship. A lot has changed, and I'm beginning to fear his coming back. The what-if's plague my mind. "Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because that is all we ever will be..." a quote Sunnie found while we were sifting through a few of the notebooks at GHE last night. It doesn't really fit here... at least the last part. I'd change it to, "Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because that's all we've ever wanted to be..." All through out this summer I've had encounters with different people that have all made me stop and wonder... would we truly be better as 'friends' or should we brave everything and try something more. I fight with this idea because we have tried before. It was high school, our senior year, and we were fantastic together. It ended as all things must, and we continued to stay close. We are now closer than ever before, and I'm comfortable. Why give up a good thing, but at the same time why settle for something at the chance of something better... I could quote Shakespeare's "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." while at the same time I could throw back "Don't lose the best thing you have for uncertainty" All are valid points. All have some level of worth. It's an on-going battle in my head, and I know that I won't reach a consensus until I speak with the only other person this truly involves. But I can't. I myself hadn't ever considered a romantic side to the way we are until this past summer. I will guarantee you he hasn't contemplated it. "We work better as friends, Jess" that's all he ever says. It's not a subject either of us enjoys bringing up... It scares me senseless to even picture us as a couple again. Why fear is my response I have only a guess. Every time I come to the conclusion that I am going to just sit on my questions and continue with the friendship we get into a fight and I am slapped in the face with the realization that we fight because we have no where to go with this friendship. We have grown about as far as we could have without taking this further... I don't know what to do... How do we stop these stupid little fights that are truly about nothing at all, and maintain a calm, close, friendship. I have only one other person that has something like this. Though these two speak of one day maybe developing into something more they are content to just be friends. I recoil from the thought... I fear his reaction, as well as my own, and I fear the possibility of what the end result might be.

If only I weren't a spineless daisy...