ICU 3 - Alta View Hospital... 4 days and counting...

It's official, I haven't eaten since last Saturday. Here it is Memorial Day and I am lying in the ICU at Alta View Hospital. Everyone here has been just as sweet as can be, and they've all been so attentive and understanding. I'm the youngest, smallest, and oddly enough the one undergoing the worse possible scenario in this entire ICU unit. I am in Room 3, and seemingly the apple of every nurses eye. Thank goodness I remember some of my sign language from the 4th grade! I have a trachea tube coming out of the base of my throat so that I can breath, but that means even if I tried not a sound would come out. The air goes straight into my lungs. It's really kind of an odd feeling you know! It all started Saturday and that forever long blog that I wrote previous was the entire explanation of what happened Saturday and Sunday. This time my story starts on Wednesday. It is 5 am and I bolt upright in a panic. My throat had finally swollen shut. There was no air and I didn't know what to do. All I could do was scream out to my Heavenly Father "What Do I Do!?" I received the impression to go and get an ice-pack and see if I couldn't maybe decrease some of the swelling at all. I stumbled down in the dark and grabbed a sandwich bag, filled it with ice and went back upstairs. I still had my white hospital rag (yes it has been washed) from when I had my tonsils out. I used that as a buffer between my skin and the bag of ice. The swelling went down enough that I could breathe a bit easier and much to my surprise my nose was also clear enough to breathe. Only 3 hrs and 45 minutes until I was due at the dentist's office to have the infected tooth removed. I couldn't wait. I finally found maybe an hour of sleep before I ran a bath and just laid in the water to try and relax my muscles. It was raining and it really just couldn't be more befitting. We got to Dr. Hal Bawden's office and his nurses assistant had this "new" feel about her. She didn't really seem to know what to do. My face was much too swollen for that massive x-ray plastic square thing she kept trying to lodge into my mouth. It wasn't going to go. she grabbed Dr. Hal and he decided that maybe numbing my gums might help the situation out a bit better. He laid me down completely and I couldn't breath... I just figured it was mucus in the back of my throat because I hadn't been able to swallow in a couple of days. He left and I let his nurse know that I was having a difficult time breathing when I was flat on my back. She raised the chair and this time tried a smaller x-ray square. She wedged this one in there I though she was going to push my jaw out of alignment... then, she turned to and tripped over the chord. I'd never been in such pain. Lights flashing, hands flailing, pain ringing through my mouth and starting to course through my entire body. My mouth went into complete shock. Dr. Hal heard the crash, saw me choking and yelled at his stupid oriental assistant to hand me the sucker thingy so that I could suck up what I was choking on. He called 911 and the next thing I know I have EMT's all around me. I am being moved onto a stretcher and air is being placed on my face. My mom and Dr. Hal are answering questions as I am fading into this kind of out-of-body feeling. They pushed me into the elevator and outside to the ambulance. The rain felt so good on my face, especially with the wind. I'd never been in an Ambulance before and I'll tell you right now those sirens aren't any quieter from the inside of the vehicle. I was strapped in, IV'd, and attempted at comforted. They radioed ahead to the hospital and I was once again let out into the rain. I didn't want to go in the building. It felt so nice outside. Once inside the hospital there were people swarming everywhere. I couldn't talk, so the EMT's told them what they could and then my mom finally caught up with us and told them the rest. I was being assisted by 3 doctors, but Dr. Meads is the one that has actually been the one to do everything. He performed the emergency surgery so that I could breath. I feel like that girl in the movie Nightmare Before Christmas. Dr. Meads put in incision in the front of my neck to drain the infections from it, in the middle of that there is a hole that goes into my esophagus and a trachea tube that protects the hole. So, it's kind of a mix between Nightmare Before Christmas meets "Truth Tobacco" lady with the cigarette coming out of her throat... Except um... I'm completely bandaged so all you see is a blue tube and white bandaging hahaha! I was awakened in a room that was completely unknown to me, with 2 missionaries standing above me. I received a blessing from them, and faded back out. I don't remember waking up the second time, but I have yet to get any real sleep since then. The nurses have been wonderful. There are a few that I miss, but the weekend crew is getting better! You just have to adjust to them, and let them learn. They are trying to help! I have been able to take a shower yesterday and today... oh my holy heaven was that amazing! My first day, my bishop started out with an early morning visit, then it trailed on from Chelsea Brothersen, to Melissa Allen, my mama, and Leesa. Grams, Jo, Jesse + Girlfriend + Friend he brought to Christmas dinner... My dad's family came over and gave me their version of a priesthood blessing... that was an adventure I really don't care to re-live... They tried to make everyone leave but I threw a fit until they let Jo back in. I wouldn't let them touch me until she was in the room with me. There was no way I was ever going to be left alone with my dad, 3 of his brothers, his parents, and random guy from Florida... I special requested that my grandma Gus be there to kind of balance this whole thing out. It was scary all around! My mom came the next day, tried to take a picture for Stanley, but when I tried to smile I just cried. It is getting so hard to stay tough, and strong, and pretend that everything is okay when really it isn't. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't swallow, it all leaks out the tubes, and out from between the stitching which makes everything cold, and slimy, and wet. Stanley called one of the first days and just spent a couple of minutes talking to me because I can't answer obviously... but that meant a lot. Courtnee came over, and then again yesterday to bring me her laptop, and she brought me 27 dresses and the most adorable little brown bear ever! I slept cuddled up with that last night. Brooke's dad came over the next morning and brought me flowers, and he and his wife Janet came over yesterday to visit. I was able to hear Brooke over the phone and that made me so very happy! I have missed her a lot and a lot! They came again this morning and brought me their laptop to use until Wednesday because Courtnee just let me use hers until tonight so that I could read Stanley's blog. I have movies, and Melissa took her portable DVD player to my house and my mom brought it up for me. Donovan Bagley came over yesterday and brought over a 2 books, both have proven to be quite entertaining! Thank you so much for that! Sunnie has come over every night and is content at just sitting with me. I keep getting worse and worse at being entertaining, but I appreciate all of the effort she continually puts in to everything! I don't know how I would have gotten this far without at least one friend to lean on! My uncle Jesse has really stepped up, he's being the most amazing uncle ever, and I really just can't express all the gratitude and love in my heart right now. Everyone has been so patient and understanding. Thank you for letting me vent, and cry, and just be a huge baby right now. I want you to know, that this won't be going un-forgotten. If I am missing anyone or I say the same things about 50 million times I am sorry... I am exhausted and I am fighting tired eyes right now, and I just got another insulin shot. I think I am going to see if I can't maybe take a nap... yeah!?