It was a fight for my life, but well worth the experience. I have never been so humbled and touched in my life. So many people praying and fasting for me, I couldn't believe it! I am so grateful to everyone for all that they have done for me. I would not have survived all of that had you all not been praying for me. I was able to feel your prayers, and the strength I received from that fasting has me labeled as a miracle child in LDS hospital's ICU and it's all thanks to you!The story begins at Alta View where after the first 3 days of getting better I suddenly plummeted. My white blood cell count started to fall, and I had a horrible pain in my lungs. They first thought it was pneumonia, but upon further review I was lifelighted to LDS hospital May 27th. The infection was spreading and Alta View didn't have the doctors I needed to save my life yet again. I remember everything about that day though my level of response was little to none. For some reason the Lord has seen fit to even allow me to remember my thought process. As the lifelight team entered into my room I remember the guy in the red suit looked just like the nurse on the lifelight team. They put in a second IV and lifted me onto the gurney. Dr. Meads kept close and told me time after time that I would be in his prayers, that it would be alright. I was going to be okay. I tried to smile at him, and gave him one last hug. They wheeled me down and through the emergency doors with Dr. Meads walking by my side the whole time. I was wheeled outside and I remember just feeling the sunlight on my skin for the first time in 6 days. Though I knew I was dying I didn't want to leave it. Dr. Meads took my hand for the last time, looked me straight in the eye and said, "I'll keep you in my prayers" I smiled at him and he stood by the doors and waved until I was loaded in the helicopter and flew out of sight. As I was wheeled to the helicopter we passed trees and plants. I wanted to reach out and touch them, but I couldn't stretch my arm out far enough. As the helicopter lifted off I felt a slight breeze and just relished in the air across my face. I watched the city fall under us, and I remember feeling like I was weightless. I was able to see the Great Salt Lake sparkling in the sunlight, and houses just kept getting smaller. Cars became the size of ants, and I just let it sink in that I was flying. I was so delirious, but at least I was the only one that could hear me :) I remember flying over downtown, and saying in my mind "Look Stanley, it's downtown... isn't it so pretty! Stanley, it's the temple, remember when we were there? We should go again when you come home. Stanley it's Memory Grove... your birthday was such a wonderful day... Oh, the capital, look at it sparkle in the sunlight. Look Stanley, it's the capital building, isn't is beautiful today? Look Stanley... look Stanley..." For some reason I thought my best friend Stanley could hear my thoughts, and I kept talking to him. I realized later that if I hadn't I would have lost all consciousness. The people you think about and the thoughts that run through your mind when you are teetering are some of the most precious to you. I won't share everything because they are so close to my heart, but I thought you might find that small bit humorous. It may have been keeping me alive, but it's still pretty funny! They asked if I went to the University of Utah and I said yes, so they flew me over the university so I could see it from the helicopter... as a just in case to say goodbye. It was wonderful and I can't thank them enough for being so wonderful to me while I was in there. Once we landed a security guard met us and informed us that some sections of the hospital were under construction. They were putting in a new floor and sure enough once we rounded the corner on the sixth floor a man was putting in an exit sign. He didn't budge when the security guard told him he needed to. It wasn't until he said we have a lifelighted patient here and need to get through, you need to move, that he stepped off his ladder, and held the sign up in place that we were able to get through. I didn't understand why he was using a ladder if he could reach it anyway. (He needed to be closer to put in the screws... just so you know...) They put me in room 33 (The rooms are 30-47) It had the best view, and I was able to see the University from my window. I was immediately hooked up to air, and a heart meter. They had a woman come in and place a picc in my arm. It is basically an IV that lasts for years if need be. She promised that I wouldn't feel it, but alas... I have been a rare case through this entire thing and I was able to feel the entire thing going in. That was un-heard of, and the pain was almost unbearable. A picc goes in through your arm and up into a central blood line. So this picc goes in through my left arm and ends in the middle of my chest. The nurses left me alone after that because of the tears streaming down my face. They had a hard time watching me cry. It always without fail made one of them cry. I was rushed into an emergency surgery at 11pm that night. My bishop came in and administered a priesthood blessing right before with his 1st counselor. I woke up from surgery with my family all around me. It was the early morning hours and I knew they had been there the whole time. I smiled weakly and fell asleep again. The next day was the hardest day I have ever been through. I was still in danger of passing away, but needed time to heal after the last surgery before entering into the last surgery that would save my life for certain. Dr. Collins came in and told both my dad and I what he would be doing in this next surgery. The infection was in my lungs and right next to my aortic valve. It was going to strangle my heart if we didn't catch it immediately. He was straight forward, and blunt. I liked him a lot. He answered every question I had, and more. He spoke directly to me, not down to me or my father. He told me I would be sent down at 7:30am and it would most likely be about a 10 hour surgery. I sent a text asking for a priesthood blessing before surgery. This time my home teacher Aaron, and the Elders Quorum President Donovan, and the bishop came to administer the priesthood blessing. It was beautiful, and gave me the strength I needed. I was told the ward was going to fast for me. I asked the bishop to call Stanley and let him know about the surgery. He promised to keep Stanley well informed of everything for me. I sent a text to Stanley right before they came saying I was too tired, and couldn't keep going. I had no more strength left, and didn't want to push anymore. I couldn't go any further, and I didn't know what to do. Stanley asked me if I would do something for him. I said yes. He responded with I am going to call you and I want you to listen to this song and play it in your head. Then I want you to hand the phone to your nurse. I waved frantically for my nurse to get her attention. She read the text and said she couldn't talk to him on my cell phone, but he could call the hospital. I told him what she said and gave him the number. He called me and had me listen to a song, I knew well. I knew he was crying. His voice cracked at the "I Love You" and just closed my eyes and cried. I couldn't respond and I wanted to with all that I had. At that point in time I couldn't find the title of it, but I played it in my head over and over again. (The song I later found out was Come What May... as The Moulin Rouge has always be "our" musical I just smiled. I knew it was from that movie, but I was too out of it to fully play the song in my head... though the lyrics to the chorus was what I was singing in my head the entire time, it was what I woke up with stuck in my head after the surgery... thank you Stanley) I clung to those notes and those lyrics until I finally fell asleep. That night my entire family came down, extended family included. Everyone was there from my Grandma Adams, to my aunt Mary. Family I hadn't seen in a long time, and they all came to wish me luck and tell me it was going to be okay. Little did I know, they were all wondering if this was the last time they would see me. I wasn't able to comprehend how serious my condition was, and I am truly grateful to my Heavenly Father for that. My mom and Leesa stayed once everyone left. My mom held my hand while Max tried to put in what is called an art line. It is a way to know my blood pressure continually without having something squeeze the life out of my arm. they needed it for the surgery. I wasn't supposed to be able to feel that either. Max would numb a spot and then try to put in the artline, but I would pull back in pain. I couldn't take it. I was crying so hard, I was in such an amount of pain. My mom was in tears with me, she couldn't handle watching me cry with no sound. Leesa had to leave the room she was crying so hard. The nurses couldn't watch either. Max kept trying, but after it reached 2am he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't keep putting me through that pain, so he had my nurse Katie call and ask if they could put the artline in after they put me to sleep. They said they would. I was given pain medication, and my mom stayed until I was asleep. I felt my mom leave, and I cried silently until I was asleep again. I was awakened at 6:30am and prepared for the surgery. They wheeled me out of the ICU at 6:50am. I remember looking around me in the surgical room and praying for the strength to survive and then nothing... I came out of surgery at noon according to my bishop who was there when they wheeled me back in. He called Stanley immediately and let him know I was alright. He told me later that he over heard one of the surgical nurses telling the ICU nurses that the abscesses were bad enough that I almost passed right there in the surgical room, but that a miracles had happened and I was alive to see another day. I knew that the reason I was alive was because of the fasting my ward was doing that day. The Lord had promised me angels for companions, and his strength to heal. I felt the angels the entire time I was in the ICU, and I knew the reason I was still there was because he had me cradled in his hands. I have a purpose in this world, and perhaps it is so my ward could provide that service... and maybe it is so that those nurses in the ICU could hear my testimony of the LDS church time after time once I was able to speak. Maybe part of it was to bring my family together... whatever my purpose is, I know that I am here today because I am supposed to be. I have been allowed a second chance, and this time I have been blessed with the faith to move mountains, and a testimony that can't be broken. I have friends that have stood with me through everything. Stanley I can't thank you enough for every moment you have given me, and the strength I received just by knowing you were there. Please know that I love you, and I couldn't have imagined, prayed, wished, or hoped for a better best friend. The Lord knew what he was doing when he gave you to me, and you'd better be in this friendship for the long haul because I'm never letting go! Sunnie, you came and stayed with me almost every night I was in the hospital. I can't even find the words to say thank you for everything you have done. I love you! That first night at The Greenhouse effect was truly inspired by our Heavenly Father, and Sunnie... he will walk you through this next period in your life. You're going to be okay! I promise! Brooke, you sent me your parents and I couldn't replace that. You have been there in Hawaii praying and crying for me. I have felt every hug, every prayer sent my way, and felt every tear shed for me... We'll see another frozen pizza night... Love you! To my family... I still get teary eyed when I think of all the time you spent there with me. All the phone calls, and tears. I am sorry I scared everyone, but I wouldn't take it back for anything. We are closer now as a family, and I couldn't think of anything I want more. Mom, you are my hero, my life, my everything. You are still here for me as I am trying to finish healing. On top of working, and raising 4 other kids you still take the time to help me with my IV, and ask me how I am feeling. You are so attentive, and I'll consider myself blessed beyond all reason if I am half the mother you are. You deal with so much! Daddy, your kisses and those I Love You's each night have kept me going. You remind me I don't have to be superwoman right now, and it's okay to need to heal. I love you for watching my face ever so carefully each night, and telling everyone that I needed to sleep, because I wouldn't. You take such good care of your "first baby" and I can't thank you enough for being my papa! Ryan, ever so constant! You're the best younger brother I could have imagined and I am so excited that you are finally getting your chance to have a younger brother. We're gonna take good care of him! Leesa... my best friend, my sister, and my hero. I cried so often because I missed you. I loved your phone calls, and the texts when you would steal mom's phone. I don't know what I would do without you! You put me in tears when you walked in the door of my hospital room that first time. You made my lungs hurt from laughing so hard the day you turned 15. I couldn't wait for you to come in so I could say Hi for that first time and just see your face. It was so worth it! I love you with all of my heart. I know you will change the world someday my Leesa! Stay strong honey, because you are beautiful! Miranda thank you for all of those pictures, they brightened my hospital rooms! Emma, you were afraid to touch me because you thought you'd break me. Thank you for that hug I got when I walked in the door of the house. To my extended family, the Dehlin Family, The Graves, to each friend that came in (If I tried to name everyone it would take another mile long space), and to my ward... Thank you for the gifts, the visits, the prayers, and the strength I received each time you would come to say hello! I love you all, and wish you all the best in life! I am home bound until July 1st with home care. I am still on IV medications, and still healing from the lung surgery. I will be completely healed soon, and it's all thanks to you! I wouldn't be here without you! I Love You!Love AlwaysJessica Meredith Gustafson
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