Why are we here?

What is this life really about?

 

It's about experiencing the moments you wish you could live in forever...

It's about holding a piece of time in your hand.

It's about finding people to love, and be loved by. Forever.

Disclaimer:

Again I will say this, I will not Ever send someone a message via blogger. I was stupid enough to do it once, I am not a big enough idiot to do it twice. What I write is for me, by me, unless otherwise stated. Most of the pictures I post are taken by me, or were at least designed by me. The others are taken from google, unless otherwise stated. I do not support any copyright violation, or plagarism!

Moving Past The Mountain...

Struggling to stay afloat, slowly making progress, and then falling right back down. When it rains, it pours. We've all heard it, we've all experienced it. It isn't what has happened, but what is happening now. It's how hard we push against the pull of gravity. It's the fight we make to stand again, and put that first foot forward. That is what matters in these darkest of days.

"Hey Jess, you always seem so strong, and driven. How is it you can always be so optimistic? How do you always see the silver lining?"

"You know, I'm not. I have my days when I don't want to be Jess anymore. I have moments when all I see is the flat black of depression. There are mornings when I can't breathe, and I would give anything just to stay there underneath my covers and cry until my heart freezes over. I've had my heart broken a time or two. I've watched someone take their life and throw it away. I've had someone I loved very much pass away. I'm watching as Satan take a firm grip on the world and run with it, and it's out of my control. I am feeling the economy dip, and the toll it's taking on the people around me."

"Yes, but you are always so happy. You are the strongest person I know. How do you do it? How do you  handle all of it?"

"I don't know what to tell you really. I have those days when I just want to scream, and yell, and throw things. When I am so sick and tired of always having to be the strongest person in my family, and having to take care of everyone else first. I have those thoughts of 'why can't someone else do this? Why can't this be someone else's life?' but It's not always about me. I have people who depend on me, and I won't let them down. It goes against who I am. I am someone who can't sit in a bed all day. I am someone who puts others before me. I am someone who has enough faith in my Heavenly Father to know he has a plan for me. That everything I have been through, and everything I have yet to go through is all for a purpose. There is a reason I have been given the optimistic disposition that I have. There is a reason I see the world through very different eyes. There is a purpose behind all the pain, devastation, and heartache we experience in this world, and that is where my strength comes from. It isn't my own, it is the love of a Savior, and Heavenly Parents, who constantly watch over me. Who are there to hold me close in those moments when my  heart breaks. When I've had a hard day, all I have to do is kneel and pour my heart out to my Savior, and he's right there with me. It's faith, and trust, and hope that there is a reason for everything."

"You really are amazing Jess. You always know what to say, and I can feel your testimony when you talk. What do you say to those of us who aren't as secure as you are in your independence, and your "single" status?"

"[laughs] Well, to be honest with you... I have a hard time with it. I have been an active part of 23 weddings, and I am about to be in my 24th this next week. It's hard for me too. I live in Utah, I feel the same pressure to be married... but I also know myself and I know that I am not ready, so again I lean on my Heavenly Father. It's faith that I have someone out there who I will meet someday, and we'll just click. I'll find someone who makes me laugh, and see the brighter side of every situation. It's having that hope that someone out there is praying for me too. I know it's totally cliche' but it's the truth! I am truly a romantic a heart. [laughs] I've learned to see the brighter side. I can't look outside and not be grateful for the small things. In those days when I can't see the end to whatever situation I am in, I look for those small things that I enjoy. Those things that won't and can't be ruined by whatever is going on around me. A good song. The sunlight hitting the trees at just the right angle. The smell of freshly laundered clothing, or bread baking, or cookies being made in the kitchen. The sound of rain on the windows, or the way I feel after I've just taken a walk with a good friend. The twinkle of the stars, and knowing that those stars have been there for ages, and will be there for years to come. It's the tender mercies that keep me going. We are never left alone. There is always someone out there who loves you, and there will always be someone out there who needs you. What greater blessing is there, than to help someone who is in need? To teach someone something new... Watch them learn, and grow, and be benefitted because you were in their life..."

For those of you who are struggling. For those who are fighting to stand. For you, who feel so alone, and lost. I am here for you. Here is my hand, it is outstretched towards you. Take it, and know that you are not alone. I am here, use my shoulder. My heart is crying for you, my back is strong and I'll carry you until you find your strength. I won't let go until you are sure you can pedal on your own. Take my hand, and together we'll make it through this dark until the sun is bright on our faces. I am here for you!

Only As True As Our Reflections...

(This is going to be a long post, but well worth the read... just FYI)

I picked up my pride and I headed off to Taylor Andrews Academy of Hair Design yesterday morning (10/7/09) with one of my very best friends Sunnie Rushton. We were going to a class taught by Allison Price (http://www.allisonprice.typepad.com/) she was an instructor at T.A. while I was attending there. I absolutely loved her, and the classes she taught so I was excited she was going to be a 'guest artist' at the West Jordan T.A. and that she had invited anyone and everyone to come. (That meant I could too!) It was an odd feeling driving back into that parking lot with the intention of going inside of that building and staying in there for an extended period of time. Sunnie and I stopped at the starbucks across the lot, (I have finally paid for something in all quarters! It was an adventure I can cross off of my list!) I got my usual, Peppermint Mocha. Sunnie got herself, Allison, and Allison's assistant a starbucks beverage. We both were a bit nervous to go in so we waited in my car listening to the new Mika album, and waiting for Allison to arrive. At about 9:30am, as a group of 4, we walked into the building. Heads turned. (I may want to add here that my departure from Taylor Andrews was less than pleasant. I went for about 9 months, and it was absolute Hell for me. I have learned many wonderful things from that institution, and it is an excellent school/education for those who have a strong desire to learn hair and aesthetics... but I did not.) Shock and curiosity filled the air. The owner of the school, Larry Curtis, was as I had expected. He was seemingly apathetic, and trying to avoid interaction with me. Which to be perfectly honest, I preferred. I didn't want to have to make eye contact, fake a smile, or move a greeting out of my lips for that man. He is a man with many excellent qualities, and has made quite a name for himself, but... my opinion of him was less than, um, well... friendly. We made our way to the media room, where Sunnie and I found seats in the back. I got all settled while Sunnie scampered off to gossip and assist Allison who is a close personal friend of hers. Now is should be understood that Allison is a very genuine type of person. She believes what she believes, and has more confidence than anyone I know. Everything she has she has rightfully earned, and deserves full credit. But! She doesn't want the credit! She loves doing what she does simply because she is doing it. She taught this same class or something like it while I was in school, but at that time I wasn't feeling my best (I was unknowingly battling the infection) and I simply did not want to be attending that school. It was nothing against Allison as her classes were the only ones I would truly actively listen to, but as a result I didn't retain much of this lecture. It was a class on the book 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz. Here are my notes on the Lecture:

Allison's intro: Learning, and Retaining

*The best way to learn/remember is to relate to the material to something in your personal life.

*We all have the ability to learn or to not learn in all that we do. Attention is the ability we have to focus on what we want to perceive.

*The only way to (we) store information is by agreement.

*As soon as we agree with something we remember it, and we believe in it.

*Everyone has their own book of law; based upon how they were raised & taught. However, we judge everyone bases upon our own book of law. Not everyone is going to follow your book of law. Not everyone is you.

*Judge/Victim/Conscience: Judge uses your book of law to judge & pass down his opinions about everything/everyone. Victim believes everything judge says. Conscience is your inner you, and will most often be the voice of real truth.

*True Justice: True Justice decrees that we only pay for a mistake once. As humans how many mistakes do we pay and re-pay for. How many times do we make those around us pay for their mistakes?

*Out Biggest Fear: Is not death. It is to be alive. Our biggest fear is taking the risks to be and express to others who you really are. F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal.

*We have created an image of perfection based on the ramblings of the Judge & Victim, as well as our book of law, and our fear of living authentically. We will never live up to that view. Not being perfect we abuse and reject ourselves. Nobody abuses ourselves like we do. The Great News is the more self-love we have and foster, the less we self-abuse.

The First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Speak with Integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

*The first agreement is the most important and can be the most difficult to keep. Be Impeccable With Your Word. It sounds simple, but it is very very powerful!

*Why your word? Words can wield a world of change, for the better or worse. (Example: Hitler)

*People who are impeccable with their words are annoying to those who are not impeccable with their words.

*Misuse of words is also how we pull each other down and keep each other in a state of fear and doubt. We have all heard the saying "Misery loves company."

*Gossip is easily fixed in two ways: Refuse to pass it on, or say something nice to counter-act it. There is so much freedom in being immune to everyone else's opinions of you and your situation.

The Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally.

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

*Whatever happens around you, do not take it personally. Nothing people do is because of, for, or about you. It is about them.

*"If your life sucks, You suck"

*Taking things personally makes you easy prey for those negative opinions and tearing comments.

*You can to choose to follow your heart ALWAYS without fear of retaliation or rejection.

*When we take things personally and we get offended, we react by defending ourselves, our own beliefs, and we create conflict.

*Remember: IT IS NEVER ABOUT YOU. IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT THEM!

The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions.

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you can transform your life.

*We have the tendency to make assumptions. The problem with making assumptions is we believe them.

*All the sadness and drama in your life has been rooted in taking things personally, then making assumptions.

*90% of the time when you are offended the other person has no idea.

*It's always better to ask for clarification than make an assumption; because the assumptions set us up for suffering for nothing.

*ASS/U/ME: Assuming is great at this. It does make an ass out of you and me; but mostly you!

*Assuming in relationships is really asking for problems. Often we go into a relationships with people we don't like very much, saying to ourselves "Our love will change them." Real love is accepting people as they are; without trying to change them. Find someone you don't have to change and who won't try to change you. Someone with whom this can be your motto: 'If you love me the way I am, take me. If not, okay, bye bye, find someone else.'

*Allison's recommendation: Before jumping into a relationship make the pro/con list. If you can live with the con list, without trying to change them... you will probably be very successful in your relationship! If you can't live with the con list and choose to be in the relationship anyway... it's your fault.

The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best.
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
*Your best will change over time. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Your best is not always the same. Everything is alive; so there will be fluctuation.

*Doing your best you are going to live intensely. 70% of people hate/dislike their job. 30% Like or love their job.

*It is the action that makes you happy, not the success or the reward. If it isn't this way, it should be.

*When you do your best, there is no regret. Action is about enjoying life.

*You can be you when you do your best! You don't need the acceptance of others.

*You choose your legacy. What you leave as your legacy on this earth is how you treat and love others.

It was an amazing class, and I am so happy I was able to attend! Better yet! I spoke, and actively participated... which shocked more than one person, and made it all the more enjoyable for me!