ICU 3 - Alta View Hospital... 4 days and counting...

It's official, I haven't eaten since last Saturday. Here it is Memorial Day and I am lying in the ICU at Alta View Hospital. Everyone here has been just as sweet as can be, and they've all been so attentive and understanding. I'm the youngest, smallest, and oddly enough the one undergoing the worse possible scenario in this entire ICU unit. I am in Room 3, and seemingly the apple of every nurses eye. Thank goodness I remember some of my sign language from the 4th grade! I have a trachea tube coming out of the base of my throat so that I can breath, but that means even if I tried not a sound would come out. The air goes straight into my lungs. It's really kind of an odd feeling you know! It all started Saturday and that forever long blog that I wrote previous was the entire explanation of what happened Saturday and Sunday. This time my story starts on Wednesday. It is 5 am and I bolt upright in a panic. My throat had finally swollen shut. There was no air and I didn't know what to do. All I could do was scream out to my Heavenly Father "What Do I Do!?" I received the impression to go and get an ice-pack and see if I couldn't maybe decrease some of the swelling at all. I stumbled down in the dark and grabbed a sandwich bag, filled it with ice and went back upstairs. I still had my white hospital rag (yes it has been washed) from when I had my tonsils out. I used that as a buffer between my skin and the bag of ice. The swelling went down enough that I could breathe a bit easier and much to my surprise my nose was also clear enough to breathe. Only 3 hrs and 45 minutes until I was due at the dentist's office to have the infected tooth removed. I couldn't wait. I finally found maybe an hour of sleep before I ran a bath and just laid in the water to try and relax my muscles. It was raining and it really just couldn't be more befitting. We got to Dr. Hal Bawden's office and his nurses assistant had this "new" feel about her. She didn't really seem to know what to do. My face was much too swollen for that massive x-ray plastic square thing she kept trying to lodge into my mouth. It wasn't going to go. she grabbed Dr. Hal and he decided that maybe numbing my gums might help the situation out a bit better. He laid me down completely and I couldn't breath... I just figured it was mucus in the back of my throat because I hadn't been able to swallow in a couple of days. He left and I let his nurse know that I was having a difficult time breathing when I was flat on my back. She raised the chair and this time tried a smaller x-ray square. She wedged this one in there I though she was going to push my jaw out of alignment... then, she turned to and tripped over the chord. I'd never been in such pain. Lights flashing, hands flailing, pain ringing through my mouth and starting to course through my entire body. My mouth went into complete shock. Dr. Hal heard the crash, saw me choking and yelled at his stupid oriental assistant to hand me the sucker thingy so that I could suck up what I was choking on. He called 911 and the next thing I know I have EMT's all around me. I am being moved onto a stretcher and air is being placed on my face. My mom and Dr. Hal are answering questions as I am fading into this kind of out-of-body feeling. They pushed me into the elevator and outside to the ambulance. The rain felt so good on my face, especially with the wind. I'd never been in an Ambulance before and I'll tell you right now those sirens aren't any quieter from the inside of the vehicle. I was strapped in, IV'd, and attempted at comforted. They radioed ahead to the hospital and I was once again let out into the rain. I didn't want to go in the building. It felt so nice outside. Once inside the hospital there were people swarming everywhere. I couldn't talk, so the EMT's told them what they could and then my mom finally caught up with us and told them the rest. I was being assisted by 3 doctors, but Dr. Meads is the one that has actually been the one to do everything. He performed the emergency surgery so that I could breath. I feel like that girl in the movie Nightmare Before Christmas. Dr. Meads put in incision in the front of my neck to drain the infections from it, in the middle of that there is a hole that goes into my esophagus and a trachea tube that protects the hole. So, it's kind of a mix between Nightmare Before Christmas meets "Truth Tobacco" lady with the cigarette coming out of her throat... Except um... I'm completely bandaged so all you see is a blue tube and white bandaging hahaha! I was awakened in a room that was completely unknown to me, with 2 missionaries standing above me. I received a blessing from them, and faded back out. I don't remember waking up the second time, but I have yet to get any real sleep since then. The nurses have been wonderful. There are a few that I miss, but the weekend crew is getting better! You just have to adjust to them, and let them learn. They are trying to help! I have been able to take a shower yesterday and today... oh my holy heaven was that amazing! My first day, my bishop started out with an early morning visit, then it trailed on from Chelsea Brothersen, to Melissa Allen, my mama, and Leesa. Grams, Jo, Jesse + Girlfriend + Friend he brought to Christmas dinner... My dad's family came over and gave me their version of a priesthood blessing... that was an adventure I really don't care to re-live... They tried to make everyone leave but I threw a fit until they let Jo back in. I wouldn't let them touch me until she was in the room with me. There was no way I was ever going to be left alone with my dad, 3 of his brothers, his parents, and random guy from Florida... I special requested that my grandma Gus be there to kind of balance this whole thing out. It was scary all around! My mom came the next day, tried to take a picture for Stanley, but when I tried to smile I just cried. It is getting so hard to stay tough, and strong, and pretend that everything is okay when really it isn't. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't swallow, it all leaks out the tubes, and out from between the stitching which makes everything cold, and slimy, and wet. Stanley called one of the first days and just spent a couple of minutes talking to me because I can't answer obviously... but that meant a lot. Courtnee came over, and then again yesterday to bring me her laptop, and she brought me 27 dresses and the most adorable little brown bear ever! I slept cuddled up with that last night. Brooke's dad came over the next morning and brought me flowers, and he and his wife Janet came over yesterday to visit. I was able to hear Brooke over the phone and that made me so very happy! I have missed her a lot and a lot! They came again this morning and brought me their laptop to use until Wednesday because Courtnee just let me use hers until tonight so that I could read Stanley's blog. I have movies, and Melissa took her portable DVD player to my house and my mom brought it up for me. Donovan Bagley came over yesterday and brought over a 2 books, both have proven to be quite entertaining! Thank you so much for that! Sunnie has come over every night and is content at just sitting with me. I keep getting worse and worse at being entertaining, but I appreciate all of the effort she continually puts in to everything! I don't know how I would have gotten this far without at least one friend to lean on! My uncle Jesse has really stepped up, he's being the most amazing uncle ever, and I really just can't express all the gratitude and love in my heart right now. Everyone has been so patient and understanding. Thank you for letting me vent, and cry, and just be a huge baby right now. I want you to know, that this won't be going un-forgotten. If I am missing anyone or I say the same things about 50 million times I am sorry... I am exhausted and I am fighting tired eyes right now, and I just got another insulin shot. I think I am going to see if I can't maybe take a nap... yeah!?

... The Best Date/Vomit/Hero Story Since Ever!!!

It is in times of crisis that we discover who we truly are, and who will stand by us in anything we choose to do. It is in times of emergency and trial that we find our strengths, and we find the strength the save another...

Saturday was just another day. I woke at 6:30am got ready for work and left at 8:30am. Everything was normal and fabulous! Emily and I were working the drive thru at Good Ole' Deseret First Credit Union, when all of a sudden it hit. My mouth was on fire, and I didn't know what to do. As soon as I was free I sped to Walmart in search of a numbing substance for my mouth. When I couldn't find it I started to pray. I received the impression to purchase a grapefruit and some yogurt. I have never in my life downed a grapefruit that quickly, but the pain was gone. For that I was truly thankful! I took two Tylenol and went my merry way to Alaina's house. However, once I got there I realized that my mouth was a bit swollen. Odd, but anything was better than the pain that had taken over my mouth not even 2 hours ago. We proceeded to talk for an hour or so, and then drove to my house to await Josh and Nick. Once we got to Josh's house we started to fix the sandwiches and I was hit with a sudden wave of nausea. I knew that feeling I was going to pass out. I asked Josh for a glass of water and sat down. That wasn't going to cut it, so I laid down on his kitchen floor. The most bazaar thing I think I've ever done, but it did the trick. Granted I got a few odd glances and several 'Jess are you okays?' but that was about it. We get to copperton park, beautiful in full color by the way. Josh spots an empty park bench... half way there... bad news... up comes a the water... Worse yet, I caught a bit of my hair... Disgusting right! Thank goodness it was just water that time was all I can think of. Alaina and I walk to the water fountains so that I can splash my face a bit. We casually walk back to the bench (I made it all the way that time) Sat for about 5 minutes and wound up laying on the grass. Josh keeps up conversation, and I was good for about an hour and a half. I changed positions so the sun was out of my face, rolled onto my side and vomited again. This time it was worse, but I caught my hair! I sat up slowly, Alaina came over and started to rub my back while Josh and Nick started swapping barf stories. Now I'm usually pretty easy going, but after the second one I was getting nauseous again. We agreed to go to the bathrooms and try the swings. The first mention of swaying and I finally admitted they were right, it was time to go home. We got 3 steps onto the pavement, I flipped around and vomited stomach acid in the dirt. Alaina suggested we call the bishop and get me a blessing. I handed her my phone and wretched again. Poor Josh, what a date huh! After the 3rd time I was okay to get up and move. The bishop was coming over and Josh was driving pretty steadily this time, for which I was truly grateful. We got to my house, said our goodbyes. Awkward, but it was a first date gone absolutely crazy (No one can say we didn't have an adventure though!) I walked in my garage door with Alaina followed close by, there went the fourth time and yes it was still stomach acid. I hadn't eaten anything since the grapefruit and that came up the second time. I felt awful, and probably smelled worse. I went upstairs grabbed my blue lankie, I was shaking at this point, and waited in the sitting room with Alaina. The Bishop gave me a fabulous blessing and then came back a second time with a 7up for me. How cute is that!? Alaina called her brother, and had him take her home. I couldn't have been more grateful for her. She was such a wonderful friend, and even more she is a fantastic person. So strong, and beautiful, I can't wait to see where she goes in life. She is going to make a huge difference in a lot of peoples lives. I know she has made an impact on mine, and not just because of Saturday.

Sunday... wow, Sunday... after waking every hour on the hour, falling asleep on the bathroom floor at 1:30am... I wound my way back into my bed. Don't ask me how I wasn't extremely conscious of anything at that point. I was so disoriented, and full of pain on all sides. I finally woke at 6:30am and tried to stand up. I had to pee like nobodies business. I crawled that time, I knew I had a fever and something more had happened during the night. I found my way back into my bed and slept until 7. I was determined to go to church despite everything. Wasn't happening. I couldn't lift my head. At 9 I tried again, just sacrament. I had to do my visiting teaching after sacrament, and I didn't have my companions number or anything. So, already feeling awful I now felt even worse. This was going to be a long day. I could feel the fever growing in temperature and Brooke suggested a blessing from her dad. I finally relented and she called him for me. He would be at my house around 1, and he would have a fan with him. I teared up in gratitude. Whenever I got too hot I would vomit, and that was something I was so tired of doing at that point. You can only handle the dry heaves for so long ya know! Sunnie kept updated on everything that was going on, she had been there since the day before. She kept saying, "Jess I know I need to be there, are you sure you're alright?" I was alright, but I wanted my best friend. He'd been avoiding me, and it was painfully obvious. It felt like he was using this as a means to punish me for something I didn't know I had done, and wouldn't accept my apologies. I finally found out when in frustration I called him once I was home from Dr. Hal's house... Now I'm left to wait until "later" HA! Watch me believe later will be before August... Excuse my pessimism, I'm a little peeved at the moment... Gerry came around 12:30, and gave me the most beautiful blessing I've ever had. It was a fathers blessing through proxy, and I couldn't be more grateful for the words that flowed from that man. He truly is an amazing person, and truly honors his priesthood and that is something to be envied. The whole Graves family has been wonderful! Janet Graves has offered her services if ever I need them. I get teary eyed when I think about it... fevers do odd things with tear ducts just FYI... My father stormed into my room once he arrived home in all his glory. Demanded I come downstairs juice carrots and garlic because it would reduce the swelling in hours. I was shaking violently. I had just watched my temperature climb steadily from 99. to 100, to 101.3, and on up until it finally beeped at 104.9... Scared? You had better believe it! Leesa was frightened when she saw how I was. My dad tried to open the window and in a delirium I panicked. "NO DAD BUGS! The bugs will get in!" "Jess, bugs don't fly this high" "Yes dad they do, bugs will fly into my room and bite me" "Jessica, bugs don't fly this high up" "Yes dad, please, spiders too, the spiders will crawl all over. I can't handle spiders Dad, please don't open my window!" He couldn't open it, which was an absolute miracle for me. My daddy isn't a weak man. Sunnie came over shortly after bearing gifts. 6 grapefruits, a gigantic propel water, a protein shake (I can't chew anything), orange juice, and a lunchable. I was floored by the friend the Lord has blessed me with. She went so far above and beyond what I could have even dared to wish for. She sat with me for a few hours until my mom arrived home. My mother panicked and started texting as fast as her newly accustomed fingers would go (I am so proud of my student! Haha!) She demanded I see a dentist immediately. I was confused. It was a Sunday... what dentist in his right mind was working on a Sunday... Oh I found out rather quickly. My mom had me put a shirt on over my cami and we started to walk... Walking outside, fevered, shaky, and extremely dizzy not always the best idea... we made it to Heathers house. Now I was frightened... When the words "Uncle Hal" came out of Hailey's mouth I just sank. I slept with my head on my mom's shoulder the entire way. We pulled up and my mouth fell as open as it would go. The house was massive! The view spectacular, we were above everyone. Supposedly it's in Sandy somewhere. I sat on the cement driveway until they got the trailer put into the garage and I was lead upstairs and made comfortable on a leather couch... It was incredibly comfortable! Hal had me come into the kitchen and open my mouth. When I couldn't open it very far is face when grave. He said we needed to get me on antibiotics immediately and we didn't understand how truly serious this was. I was lead back to the couch. Eric pulled a blanket onto me, and my mom tucked me in a bit. I fell asleep until I heard Heather pull my mom behind the couch saying "you're a good mom Maryanne. Let me give you a hug." My mom was in tears after Dr. Hal walked her through the possibilities of what could happen if we didn't take care of this immediately. I was beyond comprehension as I had started shaking again. The unbelievably high temperature was back and I could just feel it. We finally left and I went straight up to bed. My mom came in about midnight to check on me and make sure the fever had gone down. She was so worried. Again it was a restless night as I woke every hour on the hour. Nightmare after nightmare plagued me, and I could feel my mouth getting tighter. It was complete misery. My mom walked in and checked on me before work. And so the day has gone with me sleeping, trying to be up and out of bed, and drinking more fluids than you would even believe. I was 119lbs Saturday morning, and I now stand at 110lbs... am I in the least bit frightened? You had better believe it, but I have faith and I am trying to push through despite the frustrations, and anger at being sick and not all the way functional. It's infuriating to have to depend on so many, but then again... we always need to learn to ask for help when help is needed...

Crying Won't Help Us Now...

"There are many who couldn't understand and sometimes he walked among them, but even in his darkest hours he knew in his heart they would return to him, and his world would be whole again..."

Have you ever just wanted to run outside and stop in the middle of the street just to fling your arm’s out spin around and dance… even though you are all by yourself, and there is no one there to take your hands and harmonize with your steps, you dance anyway just because… it’s what you do, and it’s who you are, or want to be…

Have you ever dreamt something so fervently, you made yourself believe it, but once reality hits, you find what you had been dreaming of… you had it, but you were too busy dreaming it to take it so you lost it…

"It's been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been. But what of the man who's faced with what was, or what may never be, or what can no longer be... Choosing the right path is never easy, it's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes; our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we are meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better, or when something better finds its way to us."

Every now and again someone will walk into a room where the sun streams in through half open blinds. You see every golden ray seeping in, striking everything in a new light. The amber glow gives off a new perspective and you feel as though you’ve just walked into a room you’ve never been in though you sit there everyday. The moment you close your eyes those rays disappear behind a dark blue starlit sky. You miss the beauty though you never left the room. The night brings in a new wonder, a new point of view… a new way of thinking… change… though I may be sitting right where the sun just was, it’s different; still beautiful, but different all the same.

"...And his world would be whole again and his belief in God, and love, and art, would be re-awakened in his heart."

The Vanishing act...

Now you see her, now you don't... Is it out of sight out of mind, or absense makes the heart grow fonder? Either way, My summer will take me places I never thought I would go... let me introduce you to my summer so far... A fantastic motorcycle, music, music, and more music. Moe's specialty... The Jess Shakes. (yeah that's right, I have a chocolate shake named after me! hahaha!) Sunnie, downtown, and the MAC... That's just the beginning, this should be an interesting ride!

I Like What You Say...

Bah, I've got baby on the brain! Everyone is having babies and I don't even know what to do with myself anymore! I have been named Godmother. It's all so exciting, and so frightening at the same time! I feel like I am missing something here... am I supposed to be having kids now too? I certainly hope not! I am so far away from even wanting to be married right now. Give me a year and maybe I'll think about it. I want time to be selfish and to reach a few goals first! I like being 'mama Jess' and 'auntie sessie' to these adorable little toddlers! Now, there is another infant to love and spoil... goodness no wonder I am out of money! Hahaha!

Updates on everyone... Stanley was rained on for his first couple of days in DC, (read his blog)... Brooke is flying to Hawaii at this very moment in time. She has been in San Francisco visiting her very best friend Tien since Saturday... and that is pretty much all for right now. Sunnie is still here, Jo hasn't moved yet, and I won't start my travels until June!

Mothers Day we wound up having the cops called on us. Ryan, Leesa, Miranda, Emma and I all went to our favorite park in Bountiful to see our Grams. We migrated to Adelaide Elementary so my uncle Andrew would be able to take his gigantic dog out of his car. As Adelaide was the elementary Ryan, Leesa and I went to we went crazy! Memories all over the freaking place! As is tradition we went from the 'old playground' to Candyman lane, to the Adelaide Lake (it was raining, Adelaide Lake is the 4th-6th grade basketball court when it rains... It's right beneath the East Slope so it can go up almost to knee length depending on the rain pour!) We ran up the East slope, to "safe spot" and the best yet, we climbed on top of the elementary school. The roof is fantastic, however it is now illegal... hahaha! We hadn't climbed down a moment too soon when the blasted Bountiful po-po walked up and started talking to my uncle Andrew and his wife. Andrew is awesome. All of my mom's brothers are! The cop asked if we had seen anyone on the roof of the school. Andrew said no, but his adorable son Jorden said yes! The cop asked who, and Jorden being the smart little kid said... I dunno, the kids. We all froze, we were sure he was going to point to Ryan. My grams, Andrew, Dianna, Jo, myself, Ryan, and Leesa all let out our breath. Miranda was hiding in my car. She was convinced we were going to be arrested. Emma didn't even care she was too busy playing with Andrew's youngest little boy Tanner. The cop pulled his Charger around and parked a little ways behind us and watched. Andrew pulled out first and kept the cop distracted so I could leave the opposite way. My mom's family is hilarious. They are always ready for an adventure, so long as it's not too tame... Man, we've had so many near death experiences. Adams Canyon is by far my favorite. I thought I was going to die when I slipped down the waterfall... Luckily I have both a Navy Seal reserve, and a former National Guard reserve for uncles! Rock climbing is still my favorite thing to do in the summer... I just can't go up waterfalls after that, I am not near heavy enough anymore. I can't wait for August! We are going to Colorado for my uncle Tim's wedding. Jesse promised he'd bring his motorcycle and he'd let me drive. Tim, Andrew, and Billy are all going to show Jo and I around the cliffs. Jo and I are going to Lava Hot Springs in June maybe, and No, I am not going to be trapped in the middle of the river again thank you! I've learned my lesson, thankfully Jo and I are loved by the angels! Haha! Story for another day!

So, Stanley leaves and suddenly I am being asked out left and right... I don't understand this! We weren't dating people! I haven't lifted my no serious relationships rule, nor have a changed anything since he left... but whatever I'll go with it.

Amy is here to pick me up for our weekly temple day! It's a beautiful way to start a Tuesday!

Love Always,

Jess

There Is So Much I Want To Do!

"To each there comes a time in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to their own talents. what a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour."

winston churchill

Rain Showers and Long Time Memories...

Wow, the first true rain of the year. This is always a favorite of mine, and brings back with it an entire flood of memories. As a little kid, I use to run with my younger brother outside and we would play in the puddles that would form in the road of our little cul-de-sac. We didn’t care what the temperature was, or how hard it was coming down. It was rain and we were happy to be in it! I remember one spring, the thunder was rattling the windows in our little "gingerbread house." Ryan and I bolted upright, booked it upstairs, and ran into the door. Our mother had locked it in anticipation of our excitement. At the sound of our crash, and the screams to “unlock the door Jess” (Ryan wasn’t yet big enough to flip the lock on our glass door) our mother came up behind us and scared the pee out of Ryan. She had gotten us both rain coats. New, shiny, and plastic with umbrella’s to match! We were beside ourselves with excitement! Bountiful came alive for us when it would rain; colors would deepen, and our backyard turned into a wet jungled mass of fruit trees, ivy, pine trees, and wet trampoline. The entire neighborhood went quiet and we could run from our elementary school down to Bird World and never have to look twice as we raced down the middle of 3600 South...

The scent of the rain is drifting in through the drive-thru drawer here at Deseret First Credit Union and all I can think about is the day I wrote ‘Long Time Memories’ and finally finished the transitioning stanza in ‘Yellow Daisies.’ I was sitting in the middle of my Great Grandpa Browns’ wheat fields in Idaho. It was raining, and I was so tired of being with those infuriating people. I ran as far as I could push into the golden field and just started crying. I had been smart enough to bring along my sketch pad, and my notebook. I pushed down some of the wheat stalks so I wouldn’t get my shorts all muddy when I sat down. I crossed my legs and just watched the drops fall into a small puddle forming in the mud beneath my knees. I watched my reflection ripple, and distort itself and lost all sense of what was around me as I wrote and sketched for hours. The smell was over-powering, soothing, and comforting. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but I found myself waking up alone and in the dark. Pulling myself up, I fumbled my way down to the dirt road. I was soaked through, and freezing, but content. How I slept through an entire night, outside, during a thunderstorm, in the middle of a wheat field and managed to go un-noticed and by my father and his family… I still don' know. The poem ‘Long Time Memories’ has been a blue ribbon winner, and was my entry into The Young Poets of America at the age of 13. ‘Yellow Daisies’ has yet to leave my water stained notebook, and make it into the public…

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. - Robert Frost

Have you ever asked someone to wish you luck? Most of us have, and we automatically assume them to wish us ‘good luck’ we didn’t specify it, nor did we ask for that particular thing, it’s just common norm to expect it to be a positive thing… when in reality all you wished for was luck… neither good nor bad, just luck…

It's been quite the year, and it's just reached May. Isn't it funny the way a year will twist and turn. The adventures you go on, and the difference it makes in the lives of so very many. We are all so consumed by what is going on in our own lives that it shocks us every time we hear of someone else going through a hard time. It has dawned on me yet again that you never truly know a person. There is no way to ever know someone in entirety. We have no idea who they are, or what they are going to do. That guy you just cut off might be the next mayor of your city... Your child's best friend could someday turn into one of the worlds top lawyers; and catch you in a bind. Who knows what the Lord has in store for us. I was talking to my dear friend Sunnie last night. We were sitting on swings at the Riverton Park and I was ranting as usual. I was screaming, and yelling about the stupidity of everyone around me, and what would happen if they would just listen to the guardian angels around them. They would be so much happier, and life would be going in the directions that they had wanted. We started talking about the future and where we hoped to be going, and who we wanted to stay close to. Sunnie is going to be one of the worlds most famous hair stylists, and she is well on her way to becoming so. Won't it be interesting once our generation is the "old" generation and we see who rises to the top, and who winds up on a street corner holding a "feed me" sign. Then it's the "hey, I went to high school with that guy;" be it good, great, or not so note worthy we are all going somewhere.

Good luck, or bad luck... we asked for luck, and that's what we are going to get.

Joe and Jane...

Joe and Jane are the very best of friends. Their friendship is very unique; it's said to be the only one of it's kind. However, Joe and Jane do have their problems just like with any other relationship. Jane is very stubborn, and prideful. Joe is stubborn and sometimes happens to be a jerk. Despite all of their flaws, miscommunication, hurt feelings, and frustrations they still love one another very much and push forward. They have wonderful times; and happy memories... Now, Joe and Jane aren't romantically involved, but still cuddle on the occasion. Unfortunately Jane is a bit more cuddly than Joe is. Joe won't ever tell Jane what is okay and what is not; so Jane is continually offending and upsetting Joe. She doesn't mean to, but his hints aren't the best and he won't say anything when she doesn't comprehend them. It is very poor communication, and will always be an issue until one of them relents. Joe says to play it by ear, but fails to be consistent. Jane gets tired of trying to play it by ear and failing to read Joe's mind so she just stops caring and does what she wants. It's a very frustrating arrangement and one that needs changing... There doesn't seem to be a happy medium between the two on this issue... Jane will stop trying to be cuddly with Joe... but then Joe is offended when Jane seems distant and will be sweet and cuddly until she relents. Then Jane takes it too far by engaging in the same actions in a different setting. Will this dance never end!?