Dreams - Sunnie Lynn - St. George. Screaming it on top of our lungs that entire road trip! Nicks baptism, and the Condo we stayed in at St. George. Windows down -- getting funny looks... You introduced me to Brandi Carlile. I owe you so much! Just know that for the rest of time, Dreams will be your ringtone. Hahaha! "Dreams, I have dreams, when I'm awake, when I'm asleep. Oh you, you are in my dreams. You're underneath my skin... and now in my dreams I can feel the weight I can just come clean... I keep it to myself, I know what it means I can't have you... but I have dreams! Oh and I have dreams, I have have dreams!
Mind can you read my mind. Has it come undone? Am I showing signs? And now in my dreams I can feel the weight I can come clean! I keep it to myself! I know what it means! I can't have you, but I have dreams!"
My Story - My Aaron - The night we drove up Cottonwood canyon when I told you my story, and you showed me where your truck went off the road and down the canyon with you in it. I am so very grateful God saved you! :) I know I say this all the time, but no one has ever EVER been able to read my heart the way that you do. It is uncanny just how well you can read my face, my mannerisms, and my silence. I truly believe I was made for you. I've never fit so perfectly with anyone else. You are everything I have ever dreamed of, wanted, wished for, and more. As cheesy as this sentence is, I am so grateful I get to call your heart Home. Aaron Robert Durrant -- I love you with all that I am, from my head to my toes!!! "You see the smile that is on my face, it's hiding the words that won't come out. And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess. No they don't know who I really, am and they don't know what I've been through like you do. And I was made for you..
And all of these lines across my face, tell you the story of who I am. So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am. Oh but these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to. And I was made for you. Oh and it's true, I was made for you."
Pride and Joy - Daddy - The night you sat in my hospital room with me and told me the story of how you proposed to my mom, and when you went and asked Grandpa Adams for mom's hand was the night I knew things would be different between you and I. I knew we were finally going to have that Daddy/Daughter relationship I had always wanted. You know, growing up, the only thing I wanted was your approval, to be loved by you. To have you look at me and say that I was your pride and your joy. That you were happy I was your kid, and that you understood why I had made the choices that I had made. (Being LDS, rather than being a member of his religion) And that happened for me that night. It was in LDS hospital that I first heard you say I love You Jessica. I appreciate you, and I am proud that you are my kid. I am so Proud to be your kid Daddy! :) "That's the problem with the days, they're never long enough to say what it is you never said, all the books you never read. Throw myself into the wind, hoping someone will pick me up and carry me again. Where are you now? Do you let me down? Do you make me grieve for you?
Do I make you proud? Do you get me now? Am I your Pride and Joy?"
I Will - Stanley - You were sitting in my car -- this song came on, and as you were talking I heard these lyrics and I knew our time together was almost over. "You can't hold a heart that was never yours to break. And you could never be there for me in the end. So I will do the right thing, I will - I will, I will... I don't think you ever learned a thing from me, but I know that you want me to learn from you. And you draw heavy handed lines around morality about yourself and I don't share your point of view. It's been time to let you go a thousand times and
you'd never know that it hurts to be the one that you'd regret. I have to say that I am proud to know ya, and I'll never be the same because we met. You might not miss this, but I will"
Again Today - Miss Maris - The day we walked along the Riverton section of the Jordan River Parkway we were talking about Jared, and the things that were bothering you. While you were on the phone with him, this song came on my Ipod, and it made me laugh. You were my first friend when I moved to So Jo, and after everything, you're still my friend now. I'm really glad we have a bond that will stand the test of time. I know you and Jared will find a way to be happy, and work through the difficult times ahead. I am happy you married a man that makes you feel as deeply as he does, both the hurt and the happy. It's good that you feel. "Broken stick and broken stones all turn to dust just like our bones, it's words that hurt the most, now isn't it. Are you sad inside, are you home alone?
If I could just pick up the phone, maybe you could see a better day, under my watchful eye. Because I'm your hero and you're my weakness. Who's gonna break my fall, when the spinning starts, and the colors bleed together and fade. Was it ever there at all, or have I lost my way? The path of least of resistance is catching up with me again today. I'm broken down, not good enough. The broken promises add up to twice their weight in tears which I have caused. "
My Song - Tasha Kay - Hahaha! You know why this song reminds me of you... Driving around Provo and both of us thinking we were bad ass... How many conversations have we had that are "Well if I could say this to this person -- I soooo would!" Oh Tasha... if they only knew what words we were screaming in our heads! "Here I am, I'm so young! I know I've been bitter, I've been jaded, and alone. Every day I bite my tongue, if you only knew my mind was only full of razors that would cut you like a knife if only sung... and this is my song. I live every day like there'll never be a last day until they're gone, and they're gone...
And I'm too proud to beg for your attention and your friendship and your time, so you can come and get it from now on!"
Hiding My Heart - Amber Marie - When I first met you Amber you were trying to figure out how to deal with the death of your special someone and I couldn't imagine myself ever going through that. You are truly one of the strongest people I know. "This is how the story went, I met someone by accident, that blew me away. That blew me away. And it was in the darkest of my days that you took my sorrow and you took my pain and buried them away, you buried them away. I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done, and wake up to your face against the morning sun, but like everything I've ever known, you disappeared one day. So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away."
Looking Out -Victoria Lastoria - This song was in my head the night you called me crying, after one of the worst fights you and Amber had. I remember you were packing while you were talking with me, getting ready to go to your dad's house. And look at you now, you have the man you are going to marry. You are happy, and almost Amber free! ;) "I know the darkness pulls on you, but it's just a point of view. And when you're outside looking in, you belong to someone. And when you feel like giving in, or the coming of the end. Like your heart could break in two. Someone loves you! I am afraid of crossing lines. I am afraid of flying blind. Afraid of inquiring minds. Afraid of being left behind. I close my eyes I think of you. I take a step I think of you. I catch my breath I think of you. I cannot rest I think of you. My one and only wrecking ball, oh you're crashing through my wall. When you're outside looking in, someone loves you."
Hallelujah - Me. This is my song. It's only when I heard Brandi sing this cover that I really listened to the words, and I'll never ever forget them.
Every time I hear the line Love is not a victory march, it's a cold, and it's a broken Hallelujah -- I remember, it is a constant fight to love someone. It requires being selfless, and sometimes it means you take the higher ground and you bite your words. You take your pride and you sit on it! Love is amazing, and pure, and good, and it makes you stronger when you find that person to love you back, but you have to remember -- it isn't just about you, it's about the we, us, and our. This song reminds me of that. "
Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty in the moonlight over through ya. She tied you to her kitchen chair, she broke your thrown and she cut your hair. And from your lips she drew a Hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...
Well darling I've been here before. I've seen this room I have walk this floor. You know I used to live alone before I knew ya. I've seen your flag on the marble arts, and love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah... There was a time you let me know what's really going on below, but now you never show that to me do ya... Remember when I moved in you, the holy dove was moving too and every breath was hallelujah. It was Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah... Hallelujah.
So maybe there's a God above, but all I ever learned from love is how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya. It's not a cry that you hear in the night. It's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and It's a broken Hallelujah. It was Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah... Hallelujah."
I am coming up on the 3 year mark to the single most frightening experience of my short life time. May 21, 2008 will forever be a day that I remember. I still dream about it, and the 4 weeks that followed it. I still wonder how people reacted, what went through their minds, and what they felt. In the moments I do remember, I know how I felt. I know how I reacted, and I know what was going through my mind. There are mornings when the dreams are so real I wake up with the taste of hospital in my mouth, and the scent of gauze still haunting me. I read something today that reminded me of the morning I finally let myself cry. The morning I finally gave myself a moment to fall into weakness, and feel the fear I'd been denying for so long. At the end of that I made a promise to myself. I chose life. I promised I would forever choose life, and no matter what happened next, I was going to survive through it all. 
