Black Box of Colorful Wonders

Isn't if funny... music is able to fill us completely, speak the words that won't come, express the unknown feeling, and calm even the most dangerous of storms...

Magic is the world where the touch of rhythm and sound will draw a smile from even the darkest of times.



With a simple photograph you are left breathless, and painted in a world of wonder...

What a wondrous world we live in where still art has the ability to make you feel, dream, and express without the need of a single word...

07.08.09 @ 10:11:12 ... PICTURE TIME!!!

Here is a collection of what I did today... 8 hours in direct sunlight... Normally my skin goes straight to a tan, so this is actually kind of exciting for me! I'm willing to bet it will be gone by tomorrow evening, faded into a lovely tan; thanks to my olive undertones. (Thank you Grandpa Adams for passing down that gene!)

7/8/09 @ 10:11:12 AM

07.08.09 @ 10:11:12PM

Words Of Caution...

When you look for something, you will find it.

Even, if only in your mind.

If you look for hidden meaning, you will find one.

No matter how small.

If you suspect ulterior motives, they will be there.

Anything will do.

Stop reading between the lines, and read what is boldly printed.

You'll find the truth was never hidden from you...

Open Window In A Closed Room Of Confusion

Have you ever felt you were meant for something greater than what you were doing, but felt trapped by your situation and lack of means to attain your greatest dream? Were you stuck in a day dream with no map, car, or key to find your way around to the golden treasure in your reality? Lost in the confusion of the world. No idea where to start, or how to even get to a starting place. Knowing what you want, but unable to reach the means to make it happen. Once upon a time you had a plan of action, and you did what was necessary, but it all fell through because you had no more support. Told over and over again what you wanted was a nice dream, but was only that, a dream. After so many times it gets beaten into you, and you begin to believe it. It's hard to want great things. It's even harder to attain the impossible when you feel so small and helpless. It's frustrating to be told, it's okay, I felt the same thing, you'll get there eventually. Though they may be right, and you will make it, if you keep pushing towards it... how are you supposed to believe them when they say "I know how that feels" or "I've been there" when every situation is so different. You can't follow their steps because their dream isn't your dream. It's nice to know you aren't the only one struggling, but knowing that doesn't always fix the problem. It takes perseverance, and strength. You have to be self motivated, and able to stay driven despite the many trials thrown your way. There are moments when you have to believe in yourself, and throw everyone else into the background. There are days when the only thing you want is someone to tell you, 'You can do this, it isn't impossible,' or 'I am so proud of you.' Because those of us who dream of the impossible know that it doesn't happen in just one day. It takes a lot of effort, and there are so many steps to climb before you even get amongst the stars. Standing at the bottom looking up is terrifying. Often times you can't see the end, it's just a picture in your head. You hope you've chosen the right staircase, and the right shoes for that long climb ahead. First goes the right foot, and then the left. Step by step you climb higher and higher, soon you can't see the bottom and you still can't see the top. It gets hard, and you get tired. It's when you sit down in tears and the impossible really does seem just that. Impossible. When you reach that point of exhaustion; When you can't fight the voices in your head telling you, "you can't." When your support group leaves, and the day turns to night, you have to make a choice. You have to decide whether to get up, and keep going despite the tears streaming down your face and the bruises on your feet, or pull the I quit handle to your left, and slide down to the bottom of the staircase. You have to choose if giving up on everything, dealing with the I told your so's, and living with your what-if's and regret is easier... Or is that dream in your eyes worth everything you've already been through. That curious feeling that alights in your heart when you picture yourself at the top, smiling, and the pride you feel for yourself when you finally reach the impossible.

The choice is ultimately yours, and if it is important enough to you, there will be a window somewhere in that room of confusion. You just have to keep searching, and watching for the glimmer of glass, and a slight of air passing through the cracked window frame. Pull it open, and hop through. If you keep going, and trust in yourself, you'll find your staircase, you'll be able to start the climb, and you will make it to the top.

Fathers Day... Gustafson Style

Cameron learning to splash around in the middle of the street... We are such a cool family! Ha! Haha! Hahaha! My Daddy lives for his children. This is how he chose to spend his Fathers Day: Outside in the rain with his kids, avoiding the In-laws who were indoors. ;) We told stories, reminisced about past storms, our time in Bountiful, and of course daddy told some of his hilarious childhood stories. You'd be hard put to out do my daddy when it comes to funny childhood stories. We rarely hear the same story twice, but we always end up in stitches!

Standing As Light In A Brooding Darkness

This is not going to be my typical happy ending post. I am appalled. I am hurt. I am alight with anger. I am not going to take it in silence any longer. In this mixed up, messed up world we live in, it has suddenly become the norm to blame people for every blasted little thing! No matter how far the issue is stretched, the outcome is always the fault of someone else. What happened to blaming the situation? What happened to the common understanding that it "takes two to tango?" I am not here to single any one out. I am not pointing my finger at any one person, nor do I have anyone in particular I am thinking of. I just don't understand why it is necessary to lay blame anyone at all! Bugger it I say. Throw it away. Blame is useless. It attains nothing, and goes no where. The who's fault is who's dance goes around in circles. It makes everyone sickly dizzy.

Let Me Explain:

You come home to your room having been cleaned, organized, and decorated at your return home from a holiday trip. In stead of thanking them and smiling at the work your family and friends did for you, you run screaming about an invasion of privacy, and no respect for your property. You stew over it for weeks, striking out at anyone and everyone you live with. Making yourself, and those around you miserable. Or pehaps... A friend is in a horrifying situation. So, like any good friend, you worry, you stress, and you pray. The worry has made you sick, the stress has fumbled your thoughts, so you stay home from work that day. As time passes your friend pulls out of it, and life continues on as normal as possible. Wait a minute, No! It can't carry on as normal because you missed a day of work! It is no longer gratitude for being able to spend another day with them, it's suddenly their fault you missed work. Next thing you know feelings of bitterness and anger arise. Well, that sucks for you! It should be a compliment you had a bond with someone deep enough to be effected that greatly... There are many scenario's like these that I have painted, but I think you get the point. I would feel sorry for those people who need to blame someone for every little thing that goes wrong in their life, but I don't see what my pity would do for them. Wouldn't it be better if you simply let go of the bitterness?

Oh! And one more thing...

Lies. Useless. I don't care how small a lie is, or how "white" it seems to be. A lie, is a lie, is a lie! It's just an excuse you say? Wrong! An excuse is a lie you tell yourself to rid your heart of guilt. OH! But! They'll never know...! Whether that is true or not, how can you live with yourself knowing the real truth of the situation. Replace a few words, drop a few facts, it isn't a lie per se, it's a new truth... No! A simple re-phrasing, or minimizing of the truth is still a lie. I don't care if you don't agree, every person has a right to know the truth, the WHOLE BLASTED TRUTH. Try a moment of truth. I promise, the clear taste will leave you forever wanting more... If you aren't willing to tell it, I am. I'll deal with the consequences, no fear!

I am not afraid to walk alone. I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. I am not afraid of accepting responsibility for my actions. I am not afraid of being independent. I feel no need to lay blame on any one person. I see no point in lying, or playing the role of mouse. I am not invisible, and my opinions are my opinions. I am stubborn. I am head strong, and yes, I am a fiery soul. There is no point in trying to tie me down, or talk reason when I am determined to do something. Especially when I know I am right, and in both situations I am right! I have every right to defend myself. I have my side of the truth, and I will shed what light I can.

I am sorry if anyone feels I am being judgemental, stepping out of bounds, or singling anyone out in saying this ... but I make no apology for my beliefs, thoughts and feelings. This is my place to state my opinions. That is the beauty of an opinion, you can have one, and not be agreed with. In the end, you will do what you feel is right, and I will do the same.

Priceless Individuals...

What is the cost of a life? We are all told we are priceless. That no number or store barcode could ever label us. There are those that will disagree. I was given a price value to save my life. I was given a number to identify just how much my life was worth to the world... but I was not given a barcode label to show just how much living life was going to be worth to me. In the eyes of the medical world, my price totaled an astounding $204,955.65. Did your heart stop for a moment there too? I'll tell you, when I finally totaled everything up, mine certainly stopped, my jaw dropped, and I had to double take to finally process the number. I went through and assessed each and every expense. From the cost of the ICU rooms, to the ambulance/helicopter, to the medications I was delivered, and the in-home healthcare... I had over 48 different billing companies trying to contact me. All but 3 of them are medical. I was given a price for my life, but not a price of living my life. To have the ability to wake up to a new day, to get up, walk around, and take a deep breath. That is priceless. To see the people, places, and things I have been blessed with. To be able to dance in the rain, feel emotion, and play in the sun. That is priceless. To feel the love of a Heavenly Father. To be a part of a family that will see you through all that life has to offer and throw at at you. To have friends that will stand by your side, and love you through your stupid quirks, and idiotic phrases... that is priceless. For the world, all is monetary means. It is the expense of a house, clothing, and the sustenance we need to survive. The world will tell us the average man ($25,000.00 annual) with a mid-sized family will spend anywhere between $40,000.00-$65,000.00 annually; and that is just housing, clothing, food, and transportation. Where are the numbers for the worth of a life? And, how do you put a price on a life? You cannot. Remember, Faith makes things possible, not easy. You simply have to learn to live, love, and let live. Happiness is a way of being, it is the way you choose to live your life. I am priceless, because I choose to be. To be alive is worth everything in this world. The price of your life, is yours to decide. I hope you deem yourself priceless, and I pray you live your life in a way that continually proves that belief.

Always Will I Remember...

Daddy's Girl

All my life I've wondered

Does the man who created me, love me?

Through photographs and old memories I have plundered

I love the dad I knew

But a piece of my heart was missing.

I needed the truth only one could construe

A fierce search I began

I was desperate for answers

I had to find this far away man

Though many years passed

I never gave up hope

I had to find the man of my past

I saw a light finally shine in the dark

I found the man I so desperately sought

From the first moment there was a spark

I knew my search was through

Forever will I be my daddy's girl

Always will I remember, the day he first said "I Love You"

My darling friend Victoria Lastoria has recently found her biological father. Her story isn't one that is commonly replicated. She lived with her biological mother, and was adopted by her mother's second husband. Victoria still loves the father she knew fiercely, though he has since passed away. But she needed to know where exactly she had come from. (Don't we all have the desire. To know all of what makes us who we are?) It has taken years to find this man from her past. This guy who was a piece of her, though she had never met him. She was so excited when she finally found him, and loved him from the first moment she saw him. Knowing I love words, and having asked me for help with poetry previously, she requested I write a poem for her to give to him for fathers day. Together we tried to create the story with a few simple stanzas. Amber K. finalized it all with attaching the poem to a picture of Victoria. Pleased with the final product, she framed it. All of this was Victoria's idea, and I think it is beautiful! I really like the work we did, and so I am sharing it with you. I switched the last line a bit after we had completed it all, but either way. It really is perfect! Absolutely perfect!