So... Jess 101...

So... basically I plagiarized Amy; who stole it from someone else... but I inserted a few alterations... A girl knows a good blog post when she sees one! It's pretty much girl 101... but my alterations make it Jess oriented... :)

1. Brush your teeth, there is nothing like a minty flavored kiss mm... mm... good!

2. Tell me I’m beautiful. Girls (well, most girls… well… me) don’t like to hear that they’re ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ (May God help the next person who tells me I’m hot). We want to hear that we’re beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous. Skinny as all hell. Even if it’s not true, the goofier it sounds to you, the more we’ll like it. And by we, I mean… me.

3. Be able to hold a halfway decent, intelligent conversation. Seriously, if you can’t talk to someone, what the hell is the point?

4. Respect my parents. This is important for a few reasons, the first being that they're my parents and by hell, they deserves your respect. The second being that if you can’t get along with my dad, then there’s a good chance you’d be unable to get along with anyone and in that case, I want nothing to do with you.

5. Be confident. Confidence is extremely attractive. Notice the word ‘confidence’ and the lack of the word ‘cockiness.’ Gargantuan difference. One’s awesome, and the other one makes me want to take a steamroller to your ego.

6. Have a sense of humor. This is a total requirement as I do far too many stupid things to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate them. Life is way too short not to take advantage of acting a fool on occasion.

7. Be a gentleman. This is something I’ve been trying to teach my brother… not that I’m having too much success, as he still lets doors slam in my face every chance he gets.

8. Call me. Text me. Drop by my work and say ‘hi.’ These are the sorts of dumb little things that let me know you’re thinking of me. And I like to know that.

9. Take it slow. I don’t want to be your baby mama by the third damn date.

10. Invite me to do things with you and your friends. And be willing to spend time with me and my friends. They might be completely off their rocker, but they’re my friends and they mean everything to me!

11. Play with my hair… mmmhmm, I love it!

12. Be able to watch (and quote! Bonus points for quoting!) my favorite shows and movies! I don’t know why I love love love this! If I can find someone who will sit through all of Pride and Prejudice and Gilmore Girls with me regularly and listen to me curse at the TV during every commercial break and witness the string of obscene hand gestures (and occasional crying) when the show ends, I know I’ve found a keeper! Other such shows include: One Tree Hill, House, Bones, Ace of Cakes, Secret Garden, Family Guy...

13. Tell me you love me… and mean it.

CES Fireside - Elder Jeffery R. Holland

Elder Holland started by giving us the history of Liberty Jail, and the story behind it. His transition was a quote from some guy that I didn't write down, nor can I quote him exactly but he said while many consider liberty jail to be just that a jail. Imprisonment. It is a jail temple. It is a place where many revelations happened, and perhaps because of that imprisonment we have D&C 121, 122, and 123. (further explanation... Temples are considered a place of peace and revelation. A place where the Lord brings clarity to our times of trial, and peace to our hearts in the most jumbled of situations.) Thus we start my notes...

Opening Hymn: 27, Praise to the Man
Introductory number by Oregon Youth Choir: Nearer My God To Thee

Elder Jeffery R. Holland:

When you have to, you can have sacred, revelatory, constructive experiences with the Lord in the most trying and berating times of your life. Every experience can be a healing and revelatory experience if we stay irrevocably tied to the Lord through it all. The Lord can turn any circumstantial location into a 'temple.' Bad experiences can happen, but perhaps some of these things have to happen; sometimes not just for us... but for future generations. (ex. Liberty Jail) There are 3 key points to remember when in a time of trial.


*Everyone will be called upon to experience trying times.
-Perhaps even more so the righteous
-What shall we do in response? Trust in the Lord, or curse him? -We must not
succumb to the fear that God has abandoned us.
+Our prayers are heard. When we weep, the Lord and his angels weep with us
-Even though seemingly unjust things may happen, the Lord is with us. He is our
Father.
+Nearer My God To Thee... (lyrics)

*We need to realize that just because these things happen, it does not mean we are
not Righteous.
-Trials came to Christ, and as he was triumphant so shall we be also.
-We cannot expect that we are not going to go through some bit of hardship.
especially if we consider ourselves to be disciples of Christ.
- However heavy our burden may be, it would be heavier had not the Savior
suffered it first.
-Provided by and because of the Atonement we have been lifted from bearing full
burden. It could always be worse.
-If you're having a bad day, you are in good company. The best company. Christ
was where you are now. Be Believing.

*In the Midst of these difficult feelings, we must not strike back. An eye for and
eye, will make us all blind.
-It is our responsibility as Christians to not strike back, but remain patient,
calms, and full of understanding
-We must live the gospel at all times; not just when times are good. It is when
we are at our it is when we are at our lowest we find what we are truly made
of. That is when Christian behavior matters the most.
-Even in the worst of times our hearts must be full of charity.
-The spirit has a near impossible task, to reach a heart filled with anger and
hate. However,the spirit has immediate access to a heart full of peace, and
charity.
-We must always be seeking in service. May we always do cheerfully that which
is required of us; and walk at all times in the light of Christ.
-D&C 123:17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all
things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost
assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

Bad days come to an end. Faith always triumphs. Heavenly promises are always kept. Hold on thy way; the Lord shall be with you forever.

Glass

Rolled around on kitchen floors.
Tied my tongue in pretty bows with yours.
And now we pass and just like glass
I see through you, you see through me like I'm not there.
You could make my head swerve. Used to know my every curve.
And now we meet on a street, And I am blind.

I can not find the heart I gave to you.
Sometimes what we think we really want we don't.
Sometimes what we think we want we really don't.
Sometimes what we think we love we don't.

And I am blind. I can not find the heart I gave to you.
And when we meet on a street, Then I am blind.
I can not find the heart I gave to you.

The Magic That Is Ingrid Michaelson...

I Am...

I am a daughter of God.
I am life.
I am quietly loud.
I am a dream.
I am music.
I am patient.
I am persistant.
I am eyes of saphire.
I am the dancing butler, dancing to the end of love.
I am cherry oak furniture.
I am right.
I am laughing.
I am a hopeless romantic.
I am somebody.
I am someones childhood.
I am a swing.
I am Stanford hopeful
I am a perfect peach
I am happy
I am not alone
I am lost in the dream
I am LDS
I am calm
I am a quiet night
I am an artist
I am the Orion connection
I am blonde
I am his counterpart
I am his best friend
I am the future
I am the present.
I am the past.
I am who I want to be

It's Just a dream... Yeah, but It's My Dream...

Watch me dream for the impossible... Stanford, New York Times, a Family... is it really possible? Can I really do it, or will I wind up living the small town life forever... I have this dream, where I am sitting outside on a bench in a white summer dress, my hair is long, and curly. The guy I've been dreaming about for years (cliche' I know...) walks up, takes my hand, and pulls me into Tiffany's. Turning me around to face him he tells me to pick any ring I want, then gets down on his knee and proposes... I have no financial debt, a degree, a book in with the editor about to be put into print, and I've finally found the love of my life... Maybe I've run wild with my imagination, but... I've had a lot of time to think about this. I used to picture it on a beach somewhere, but that was tainted, and I realized... a little too much. Even for me :) I'd burst out laughing if a guy every really did that. I couldn't even picture it without giggling at it. I'm too young for marriage, and not ready to date seriously again, but that doesn't mean I don't want it. Some day when I am not so worried about everyone else, and I'm finally settled and secure in where I am at. That is the day when I will walk out of my door and say okay, I'm ready, but until then I am going to try and focus on me, and most likely falling a few times when I get so lost in everyone else around me, but I'll get there... I'm not so delusional as to believe everything I dream... Financial security takes years, and if I want to go to Stanford I'll most likely be swimming in school loans, and my first book probably won't score the New York Times, but I can try... Don't bother telling me Love Finds You, You Don't Find Love...because I won't listen to you, nor will I listen when you tell me no one actually proposes in Tiffanys and I most likely won't be wearing a white summer dress when it happens... And It may be just a dream, but it's my dream... and yes, I still get butterflies...

Abandonment Issues... That's Rich...

I need to get everything out, and as I don't currently have a journal this is my only outlet for everything going on in my head. Who knows, maybe the feed back will be beneficial.

My 15 year old sister has such a low self-esteem it's getting harder and harder for me not to just take her and shake her. She is a pretty girl, with a sense of humor like you wouldn't believe. The girl is hilarious! She is so talented it's painful to have her compare herself to me. She and I both have musical talents. When we combine we come out with compositions that are just amazing. Like, Fairytale (a song we wrote together), or our piano trills. I don't understand why she has such a hard time understanding how amazing she is. She is very pretty, but she has a different face shape so she can't replicate my look and have it pass like I can. She doesn't know how to do her hair like I do. I've shown her how to combine outfits, and we share clothing now, but still she continues to compare herself to me. When I was in the hospital she called me one night in tears. She could hardly speak, and it just made me cry. She had to leave the room when they tried to put in the artline. She couldn't handle my silent tears, and the spasms that would go through my body. It scared her when she could see and count every rib in my body. Oh but the way her face lit up when I said "Hi!" For the first time. That will forever be one of my absolute favorite memories. I was so elated! It was her 15th birthday. I'd been able to talk for a day. My treach had been removed that very morning so my voice was strong. I made everyone promise not to tell her I could talk. It was the only thing I could give her for her birthday, the sound of my voice and it was enough. It was my favorite night during that entire hospital adventure. Second only to the night my dad told me about how he and my mom met and fell in love.

Beautiful girl don't hide your face
Cause one of these days you'll find your place
Everyone will look to you
They're gonna follow what you do.

(chorus)Hey little sister you'll be okay
Hey baby girl, you're on your way
You'll take the world by storm
(daddy?)God said it the day you were born
You're gonna change the world someday

Kid you don't have to be alright
It's okay to be afraid at night
With those monsters scaring you
It's okay, I've been where you hide to

(chorus)
(Momma?)God said it the day you were born
You're gonna change the world someday

Watching you dance under youthful light
Allowed me to see beyond daily strife
There's no reason to fear
Your day is here
Wipe away that tear

(Chorus)

I can't just leave her... but I can't stay in this house for much longer. How do I move forward when I feel like I am about to abandon my baby sister... Put that guilt with the guilt I feel for Stanley, and how hard it is for me having him live downtown. I put on a brave face most of the time, but you know what; I'm tired. It's silly and stupid, but how I feel is how I feel; and I feel as though I've been abandoned by my best friend. He left me this summer for DC. When I needed him more than I've ever needed anyone before he was on the other side of the country. He did what he could. I know, believe me, it was enough, for what we could do. And, it's not fair to say that he abandoned me, but that's how it feels, especially now when all he sees is me up and about. He doesn't know what it was like for me because he wasn't there. I don't remember a lot of what went down. Those that were there have to remind me, or tell me over and over again what happened, and what all was going on, and it's hard for him to believe and accept certain things. I have the scars, but even then he doesn't see them for what they are. He sees them as a failing, as a blemish... or so it seems, and that makes it all that much harder to face him in the light. I have so much I'd love to just talk to him about, but he hasn't the time. He is so busy with school, his job, and his other friends. I am at temple square on average about 4 nights a week. It's the only place I have to sit and think in clarity. I tell him when I am there, but still he doesn't seem to want to see me, or talk. I can understand when it's late. I'm usually there from 10pm-3am. He does a lot during the day, but on the nights when he isn't so busy he'd rather spend time with his other friends, and that's okay! It just... I feel taken advantage of. I am always available when he calls with a problem. I'll step out of the room I am in, or I'll pause whatever I am doing when I know there is a problem, but he can't take a moment to step out and talk to a friend who already feels abandoned by him. It's not entirely fair, I don't tell him I want to talk... but would that even make a difference? How am I supposed to let him know how much this hurts, and that I need him just as much as he needs me without giving him the wrong idea... ? Phone calls just don't seem to work as well when we live in the same state. I have other friends it's true but, Leese...15, self-esteem issues. Sunnie... moving to Vegas. Brooke... getting married. Victoria... lives in Missouri. Jo... school, SUU. Chris... mission. Nick... obsessed with Jo. All the people I confide in are busy, or they live so far away and can only do so much. I have Abandonment issues... that's rich...

Watch me break down because I'm too much of a wimp to do this on my own.

What Kind Of An Idiotic Questions Is That!?

Oh For The Love Of All That Is Holy!!! Is this world so literacy deprived that even a book editor misses the basic errors in today's writing! I love the Twilight books, everyone who knows me, knows this... but for crying out loud! The woman is Utahan, and writes as such! Her grammar slips often, and the way she phrases things, even some of the very phrases she uses are so disgustingly Utahan I have to set the book aside and collect myself enough to carry on. I caught myself re-wording the sentences a few times to make them correct. BAH!

You're Awfully Small To Be So Hugely Irritating

For those of you clever enough to have figured out how to read that last post! Nice going! I'm rather impressed... Stop asking me what I would say if he asked me to date again...

...I am going to give you the same answer I gave my bishop...

My first instinct would be to say no. Let me tell you why. First, we have the most amazing relationship right now. We have the friendship almost perfected. I'd hate to have anything complicate things further, unless I knew the friendship could last through absolutely anything. I believe it will, but I am not willing to test that theory by doing something stupid. That is my first priority. Second, I will not do anything his family cannot or will not support him in. They need to come before me. Always. The decisions he makes are his own in the end, but his family needs to be considered. He and I would have to talk long and hard before I said or did anything. That kind of a decision requires a lot of thought and preparation. For me at least... I know we aren't the same people we were back in high school; but again, we have this friendship; our relationship with one another, almost perfect and I will do what I can to protect it...

I don't think my bishop particularly like that answer, and I don't expect anyone else to either... No offense, but whether Stanley or I decide to date one another, or stay as best friends for the rest of our lives is ultimately our decision, and what we do is completely our business. You have no say. I respect your input, and your opinion... but that's the great thing about opinions! You can have one, and not be agreed with! So, thank you, but with all due respect... would you kindly butt out!