Baby Girl D...

If you don't already know... Aaron and I are having a girl. The due date has changed to 23 April, 2011... and that is the date we are sticking to because it is earlier than 5 May, and I am just excited to see my baby girl -- so why not right!? At our ultrasound last week we learned our baby has healthy heart (MAJOR relief right there!!! I have an arrhythmia so baby's heart was a big worry!) , is at a healthy size (average size of 8oz.), has big eyes (no surprise there, I've always had big eyes. My dad always said when I was a baby I was just a pair of blue eyes. Haha!), oh and a drama queen already! This little girl is stubborn like her dad (and mom, if I'm honest...) and LOVES her space! If anything take away her moving space, or invades her little bubble she will beat at it, and wiggle her little self around like a pinball. The ultrasound tech kept repeating what a stubborn drama queen you have! Baby was not happy at having the US wand prodding, and poking at her! She kept waving her arms around, and trying to move away. It was funny! Thankfully we were still able to get a read on her gender. I will admit, I wanted a boy first so that my little girl would have a big brother to protect her at school, and when mom and dad couldn't be by her side... but she has a very protective father, and grandma D that already have her back! Besides, I know how tough girls can be! We have a name picked out, but I am one of those mom's that has to see the baby before I pin a set name on her. I want to make sure it fits! A name is an important thing you know! You have to live with it all your life, and in a way, it sort of defines you. There is an update on Baby Girl Durrant...

(Aaron and I after telling Eva that the baby was a girl!)

As for the rest of life, Aaron and I are doing well! Not even a drop of morning sickness for me, just constant exhaustion. Which, I can handle! Aaron and I are still house hunting, and job searching. Aaron loves what he does, but the company he works for is a little frustrating at times! Especially as we are trying to find a way to get Sundays off for Aaron. I would love it if we were able to spend our Sabbath Day together again! Not to mention, as we are looking at houses in Grantsville/Tooele area it would be nice if he didn't work in Salt Lake! I learned pretty quick no one wants to hire a pregnant lady. Nevertheless, I have continued to press on and continue the job search! I want us out of debt asap! I hate having small things over our head like credit card balances, and overdraft payments, and school loans. They are wonderful things, and very handy... but I would like to have them paid off and taken care of! Not to mention these small monthly payments are driving me nuts! If we just had our car loans, car insurance, rent each month, with a credit card payment when we used the card that would be one thing... but live goes on. I should be grateful that we are able to make ends meet, and still go out and have fun with the money we do make, and I am! I just like the idea of being as debt free as possible before the baby comes, so that when we have the medical bills from that, and the new living costs of diapers, wipes, etc -- It isn't a huge adjustment.

Just an FYI -- Houses in Tooele are freaking cheap! We found a 6 bedrooom, 4 1/2 bath, attached and detached garage on 2 acres of land for 90,000. It's even a nice house! We are also looking at a few others in Tooele. All of them have at least 1 acre of land, and are under 150,000. Grantsville has some killer deals too! Jasa found one for 150,00 that had new tile, and cabinets, was a 5 bedroom, on a fair bit of land! (She and Zane have opted to not buy a house right now as they are looking into a 3 year mission in Central Asia. I hope when she and Zane return back to Utah that they move out to our area!)

Basket Case...

Pregnancy is pretty hard on a woman's body, and their emotions, and their mental state. It tugs at insecurities, and makes you face them. At least it is for me. It exhausts, leaves breathless, and moody. My poor husband has been so neglected these past few months. I know it is wearing on him, but he is so patient with me. He simply picks up the slack, and never complains. Because I am a selfish person, it makes me feel guilty, on top of fat, and useless. So I shy away from him, and get rather introverted. Becoming a human incubator has been one of the hardest things I've ever done so far in my life. I haven't had extra weight since I was in diapers. Now I am supposed to gain roughly 25-35lbs in 40 week!? My shirts are beginning to stretch across my ever growing belly, my favorite skirts don't zip up all the way, my hair and nails are growing like wildfire and it's hard for me to keep up the maintenance. Luckily my pants all fit, it seems I carry higher than some women, so I may escape the whole elastic band pants. Thank heavens for low rise jeans!!! So far the hardest part for me is trying to accept that it's okay that I can't see my belt buckle when I look down. Most, if not all of it, is baby weight. I keep getting told I need to eat more, I need to gain more weight. I have a high metabolism, and it's a carb metabolism. My body eats carbs like candy, and spits them out. Extra weight doesn't stick very well. And somehow my belly just keeps growing and it's messing with my psych. I have never been overweight. I have never weighed more than 122.1 lbs in my life. It was a miracle I reached 122.1 Most of that was/is muscle. Suddenly I am almost 130lbs, and I still have to gain at least 2 more pounds. I have never had depression. I've never had to fight it. Until now. I look in the mirror, and I know there is a baby developing and growing, I know I am just going to get bigger, I know it is a beautiful and wonderful thing... but all I see is my shirt getting tighter around my middle. I am exhausted, all the time. My insides hurt constantly, with the moving around of organs, and the baby pushing against my appendix, and still feeling like I should get up and do something so Aaron doesn't have to do all the work. Feeling guilty for making him the sole means of money in our home. We aren't struggling for money. We makes ends meet, and are still able to do things like hunting trips, and going to dinner. But I know that if I got a job, Aaron wouldn't be as stressed about bills, and baby costs, and getting a house. Plus it would give me something else to do during the day. Something else to focus on. I worry about getting a job though because my home is already so neglected. I don't have the energy to keep up with everything, and be the neat freak I used to be. I don't have the energy to clean, and cook full meals, and organize, and help my daddy at his store, and run the errands we have. I can't stand up for more than maybe 15 minutes at a time without searing pain making me gasp and double over, or my entire abdomen getting heavy, and making me light headed. Aaron has been so neglected, and I desperately want to do something for him to show him that I love and appreciate him... especially as his 25th birthday is coming up next week. But there is only so much I can do with my limited energy resources, and a 25lbs lifting weight limit. I honestly feel worthless, and useless, and fat right now.

 I'm sorry for my rambling, and rather basket case venting, but I needed to unload it somewhere other than my already overwhelmed husband. I guess the cyber world is as good a place as any. ;-)

 But this pregnancy can't be just about me. It's new and scary for Aaron too. Baby D needs attention and care as well.

So I just need to get over it, and move on. That is all there is to it.

Expect the Unexpected... Due Date: May 5, 2012

The rumours are true. Aaron and I are expecting. Neither of us anticipated getting pregnant this early on, as we were told it would be a struggle for me to conceive with ovarian cysts. But here we are! 17 weeks (tomorrow) and Due May 5, 2012... though with each person we talk to, the date changes. So sometime in late April, early May! Haha! We are prepared for a hard pregnancy. We have had a few issues lately... I find myself in a fair bit of pain when I stand for an extended period of time. (Though by some grace of God the cysts have all disappeared! I can't tell you the relief that brought!)We have an appointment with our OB on Thursday, and we hope to learn more from him than we did at the hospital last Tuesday. Maybe even find a way to relieve some of this pain! My personal goal is to not be put on bed rest in my third trimester! I've been trying to find some seasonal work so I can build up a savings and meet our goal of being debt free (With the exception of our car loans...) at least by the time the baby comes. Though, I want it cleared away by my birthday, or before, if possible! This goal will only be met if I can stay healthy, and maintain the ability to move around. Ie: No bed rest demands from our Ob! But! If any of my readers have elastic band skirts, or dresses they no longer wear (Size, doesn't matter. I can take anything in, and adjust sizes.) or know of a place to buy them cheap I would greatly appreciate any help in that area! All of my skirts are zip-up, and baby D doesn't appreciate being smashed, or having part of it's moving room taken away. This baby LOVES moving room. (I'm one of those lucky women who started feeling baby move around 15 weeks because I didn't have enough fat. So now everything is extra squished.) As for now, we are simply taking everything day by day!